Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 April 1891 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR.

A Recommendation, “Well, Rastus, I hear you have left Mr. Smithers.” “Yas-sir.” “Did he give yon a good recommendation?” “Yas-sir. He dun write it, an’ raid I wnz de mos’ mendacious an* fallible niggah he knowed.” — Harpei’s Weekly. A Special lliapensa lon. Van Barclay is very absent-minded, the result of many years’ grappling with the servant-girl problem. The other day the doctor rushed into his study to announce the arrival of an heir. “Let me congratulate vou,” he said: “it’s a girl.” “Thauk heaven!” responded Barclay. “Put her to work in the kitchen at once.”— New York Telegram. A Great Jumpe-. Scroggs—l say. Boggs, does Skinner belong to your athletic club ? Boggs—No: why do you ask ? Scroggs—Oh, he broke all records • ccently, so far as I know. He ran up a big board bill recently in London and “jumped” it, and the next heard of him was that he had landed in New York.— New York Herald. He Was R’glit. “Have you any photographs of your children, Mr. Peck ?” asked a friend of the Hon. Alpheus Peck. “I should say I had,” answered Mr. Peck; “I’ve about a bushel of them. “Whv, Alpheus,” exclaimed his wife. “Well, haven’t we? Haven’t we photographs of all four of them, and don’t four pocks make a bushel?”— Free Pre <s. His I.ittle Game. Tramp—Lady, is there any wood here to be sawed ? lady—Yes, sir, out in the shed. If yon saw some I’ll give you a lunch. Tramp (disgusted, as he turns to go) —Confound it! Isn’t there one family in the town that’s got all their wood sawed .. lie "as Allsunderstootl. New servant—There is one thing I don’t like in this house. Mrs. Gay boy—What is that? Servant—Your husband, he always chucks me under the chin and calls me his pet. Mrs. Gay boy—You must not pay any attention to that. He treats me in the same way. He doesn’t really mean anything by it.—Texas Siftings. - • A .Vlss-Umlerstandlnv. Typewriter Salesman—“ Your typewriter is rather old; can’t I make a deal with you for an exchange?” Merchant—“No, siree;my time is too valuable to allow me to spend the dav in swearing. I’ve tried the young and giddy blonde variety, and although it gives me a pain to look at the old crow’s save, still the lelief to my nervous system more than repays me.”— Brooklyn Eagle. Buttonless Boggt “I think you are a perfect heathen, Mr. Biggs,” said Mrs. Boggs, a prominent wo ker in church charities. “I wish I were,” said Boggs. “You might pay me a little more attention then. signs of Wealth. Gilhooly—Are the people tv ho live next door to you rich? Gus De Smith —I should say so. Yon ought to see the silverware” they carry to the pawnbroker. Xost Suitable. Maud—Oh, I’m invited to the Wayup’s ball; but I don’t know what in the world to wear. What would you wear if you had my complexion? Millicent—A thick veil. Their Worst Feature.

Mrs. Sanso—The fashions change so often! Mr. Sanso (gloomily) Yes; and they chango a hundred dollar bill each time. Needed a Termirnffe. Apothecaries have some very queer applications for prescriptions. An old war veteran limped into a shop one day, and said to the druggist: “I want some medicine.” “What kind of medicine?” “Oh, some sort of vermifuge, I suppose.” “ Where does the seat of your difficulty seem to be?” “In my wooden leg. mister. It’s gettin’ all worm eaten."— Argonaut. Tlie Difference. Lawyer Badger—“ And do you think that you are competent to judge between a well authenticated rumor and one which is baseless and foolish ?” Witness—“l believe I can.” Lawyer*B. (sarcastically)—“Please illustrate your detinition of the two.” Witness—“lf I should be told that you were a lawyer, that would be a baseless rumor. Were I told that you were regarded as an ass, I should estimate that as a well-authenticated rumor.” The Crier—“ Silence in the court.”— yittil'iirg Bulletin. The London Religious Tract ty last year issued 77,000,000 publications. . '