Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 12, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 April 1891 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR.

HJ» Sight W»< Falling* t. Husband —My eyesight is failing rapidly. Wife—l think it is improving. “I hope so, but I can’t see now so well as I could two months ago.” “Oh, yes, you can. There’s a marked improvement in your eyesight." “But I know better.” “You only think so.” “Oh, no, I know.” “How do you know?” “When we got married a few' months ago I had money to my credit in the bank, but I’ll be hanged if I can see a dollar there now.” She ceased her argument.— Texas Si] tings. Mathematical. Mr. Cynicus—l wonder, Miss Caustique. what proportional part of her life a woman of fifty years has occupied seeing that her bonnet was on straight. Miss Canstique Mathematicians have calculated that a man of seventy has spent three years in swearing while looking for a lost collar button. Prejudiced Against It Already. Willie—Well, I’ve seen all I want to of this Delsarte business. Johnny—What is the Delsarte business ? “I don’t know, but there’s a lady in there calling on mamma who savs she teaches it. It takes Ler five minutes to sit down.” The Second Edition.

Editor Western Sunset—Had yei dinner, Ike? Pressman—Yape. Editor—Well, then, insert “Second Edition” som'ers about the head of the first page, and let her jam.— Puck. No Woiuhr. Doctor—Your husband’s appetite— Wife—Oh, he has no appetite to speak of. Doctor—Why, I saw him at a restaurant a few days ago, and I declare! he ate ravenously. Gracious! he ordered dinner enough for three. Wise —Yes, but as I say, he’s sensitive about it and doesn’t like it spoken of. What They Did with It. “What did they do with Joseph’s coat of many colors?” asked the Sunday school teacher. “Cut it down and made it over for Benjamin,” hazarded a pensive little boy at the end of the seat. That Settled It. Young Hankinson (taking his seat in the chair) —Don’t shave that mole, please. It’s tender. Barker (after a careful examination of the rest of the face) —All right, sir. Next! A Neat Compliment. Mr. Gimps (reproachfully)—Oh. you would not do anything as bad as that, would you ? Miss Simps -Oh. yes, I would. I am not so good as I look. Mr. Gimps (hastily)—Oh, yes you are; a great deal better in fact.— Brooklyn Eagle. Cheap Anawthetlc. Husband—Getting that tooth pulled hurt pretty badly, didn’t it ? Wife—No. I just thought of all the mean things you had ever said to me, and it made me so mad I forgot all about the tooth.— Street <£• Smith’s Good News. Wl'l Got. Acquainted. Farmer Haystack (on his first trip to New York in forty years) —I low I shall feel kind o’ shaky when I get to New York, Billy, cause, ye see, I don’t know nobodv thar’.

Billy Gate of New York) — Yer needn’t feel skeered about dat, boss. Der be a lot of nice-looking chaps der dat’ll be so stuck on yer shape dey’ll just tumble over one another ter make yer ’quaintance, and show yer de elephant.— Life.

In Boston Circles. Richard (at the ball, resenting an affront) —You are an impudent blackguard, sir! Dora (repeating the affair to her chum next day)—He said something quite awful, dreadfully cutting, you know. Cora—" What was it, dear ? lam impatient to hear it. lam all ears. Dora—l cannot reoall the exact words, but it was something like brazen African sentinel, only Dick used the impolite term fo~