Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 March 1891 — The Mate to the “Mark Twain.” [ARTICLE]

The Mate to the “Mark Twain.”

The first mate of the vessel, he of thefur cap, was a character. It was appropriate to find him in the “Mark Twain.” He was bald and looked very old, but declared he was thirty. “Es you had been through what I liev, my trnvelin’ stranger,” quoth he, “yon too would look like an example-of the longest kind of longp-geviifcy. My name figures prominently in history. I’ve been published in four hundred and thirty-nine newspapers and one almanac. I’ve been blown up by steamboats in twenty-two States and several Territories. On most occasions, everybody on board perished, except myself. Pieces of my skull is layin’ round loose all up and down this river, and numerous of its tributaries. Awful? Yes. Once I was on board the “Obiona." I knew we were goin’ to bust that aternoon, for it was about bustin’ time with me, and bust we did. When I come down I couldn’t find nothin’. Everything had blowed to dust, or gone so fur that nothin’ was within visible distance. But, bless you!—that’s nothin’. Minor catasterfies? Oh, yes. Once we smashed a wheel against a snag. Of course, when we progressed we went round and ronnd, and so went round and round all the way down to New Orleans, describin’ circles the whole time. We all got orful headaches owin’ to the centripital tendency of the periphery.— Mark_Twain. At the carpet store—He—What do you think of this carpet I have selected for yon, my dear ? She (enthusiastically)—lt would be hardi to beat, my love.