Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 March 1891 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR.

Wat the Right Sort. Applicant—“l see yon advertise for a college graduate to take a position in your business.” Publisher—“ Yes. Are you a graduate?” “I am.” “What place did you hold in the college eleven ?” “I did not play football. I was afraid of getting crippled.” “You won’t do. I want a man for book agent.” —New York Weekly. Be Congratulated. Amateur Actor (who has just concluded a performance of the part of Hamlet, to a friend, who had been one, of audience) —Weil, old fellow, don’t -you feel inclined to congratulate some one ? Friend—lndeed I do. Amateur (with vainglorious mien) —May I so far infringe on modesty as to ask his name ? Friend—Certainly. His name is Shakspeare. and I heartily congratulate him on his unavoidable absence. She Had Heard of Such. “I hear that a German Count is paying you marked attention,” said Dora to Lou. “Yes,” assented Lou, shyly. “What is his name?” “Augustus.” “You call him Gus, don’t you?” “Yes; why?” “And he’s your beau, isn’t he ?” “W-w-why, yes, I suppose so. But why are you asking these questions ?” “O, nothing, but I’ve heard of beau Gus counts before.” The Doctor’s Orders. First Chappie—l say, ole chappie, the doctah says I must-aw-take more exercise or I’ll be -sick, don’t you know. Second Chappie—Do as-the doctah says, me boy. First Chappie—Ya-as, Lm going to discha’ge me vally and tie me own necktie. Street & Smith’s Good News. Overloaded. Boy—Say, mister, shall I carry yer satchel ? Do it fer a dime. Dude—My satchel is not heavy. Boy—Well let me carry your cane then. —Street & Smith’s Good News. A Hero. Mr. Sturtevant Knickerbocker, a young married man, expects to go out to Colorado on business, but his moth-er-in-law has been telling him that it is too dangerous on account of the Indians. “Nonsense!” replied Knickerbocker; “I’m not. afraid of Indians.” “Very well,” replied his wife’s mother, “when you get out on the plains and one of those wild beasts comes at you whooping and yelling, then you will think of me.” “I don’t doubt it,” replied Knickerbocker. And now the entente cordiale las been spilled and there is a coolness between them. —Texas Siftings. Aflfbrdina Possible Explanation. Mr. Mudguard Crippling (eminent foreigner)—You Americans are too sensitive. Why cawn’t you take my criticisms good-naturedly ? American Publisher—You want to make us pay too steep for them.—Chicago Tribune. Which Is Human Nature. Very few people cau be found who will admit that they believe in ghosts or “who are willing to walk through a graveyard alone at tUe witching hour of 1 a. m. —Somerville Journal. Too Much Iron. Doctor—Did you get that mixture of wine and iron that I ordered ? Deacon Waters—Yes; it was firstrate. Never enjoyed a bottle of meclioine better in my life. Drank it up without takin’ breath. But, Doctor, there was too much iron in it. Doctor—Humph! So I should imagin’. Deacon Waters—Yes, the iron all went to mv feet and made ’em so heavy I could hardly walk. —New York Weekly. From the City. Deacon Hardscrabble (to passenger requiring three si ats for himself and baggage)—You are from the city, I presume? Mr. Shoat—Yes; how did you know it? Deacon Hardscrabble—Oh, we butchered our country hogs three months ago. Damn in Herman; Up In English. Commercial Traveler (to pretty hotel laundress) —Just one kiss, Lena ? Hubsh Madchen—Nein. Ach! Vas toon zee? Commercial Traveler—Why, you Baid I could take nine. —Arkansaw Traveler-. to Shams.

Mrs. Eillenbaek —T heard you ting fcnd I came up myself. > Uncle Wauderson—Glad you did, Pen’lope. That mizzerable hired girl p’yourn tried t’hide th’ pillers from me; but, diug her! I found’m under them curtains.— Judge. Good breeding is the art of showing men, by external signs, the internal regard we have for them. It arises from good sense, improved by conversing »ith good company.