Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 February 1891 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR.

Takes the Edge Oft. Elder Goodmajj —In order, Mrs. Greyneck, to secure the greatest good from the hearing of the sermon, you should, as a preparation, enjoy to the utmost the sweet, holy calm of the Skbbath morning. Mrs. Greyneck—l feel just as you do about that, Elder Goodman, but when a worn jn has to get up four times to wake the hired girl, and then wash three children that don’t want to be washed, and then find her husband’s clothes which he always puts in a different place, the sweet, holy calm of the Sabbath morning has had considerable of its edge taken off. Too Many Lugs. Wagley—Well. porter, I suppose, now that you have carried my six trunks up stairs,, you expect a tip. Porter—lt is just as you please, sir. Wagley—Well, I shall not give you any; you feel too important. Porter—l don’t know what you mean, sir. Wagley—Well, I never saw a man of so many lugs. A Happy Reply. Miss Wryface (who is cross-eyed, stub-nosed and has large red freckles) —I met you two years ago. Mr. Readywit, but of course you have forgotten me. Mr. Beadywit—On the contrary, Miss Wryface, though I am forced to admit that your name had escaped me, I remembered your face most distinctly. What Would I Be Then, Mamma ?” A little boy who was playing around a grocery store a short time ago listened intently to a conversation in which several men were engaged concerning a lady whom they described as a “grass widow.” On reaching home the child went to his mother and asked: “Mamma, what is a grass widow?” The mother explained by saying: “If your papa should go away and not live with me again I should be a grass widow.” “What wou’d I be then, mamma?” asked the youngster;“a grasshopper?” —Boston Globe. Circumstance* Altar Cases.

Man-afriid-totalkback-to-his-moth-er-in-law (flourishing knife) —Wah, me bad Injun"; take pale-face scalp. Mr. Man-out-West —Don’t trouble yourself, my friend; allow me to hand it to you.—Life. Free Coinage Bis Forte. “On this financial question, are you in favor of the free coinage of silver?” asked a passenger on the Erie road, of his neighbor. “In favor of it! "Why, sir, I’ve done seven years twice and five years once for it!” 2. The Way to Make Ice. “That must be a curious process, the manufacture of ice,” said a Chicago man to a resident cf New York, who was talking about the manufacture of artificial ice. “Don you understand the philosophy of it?” “No. I never saw one of the machines, and never had the thing explained to me.” “Well, you see,” observed the philosopher, “they have a kind of a tank.” “Yes.” “And they fill that tank about twothirds full of water.” “Yes. What then?” “Why, then they-freeze it.” “Oh!” exclaimed the disgusted Chicagoan. “That’s it, is it? I had an idea that they boiled it.”— Texas Siftings. Sens tire Fido. “Why, Jane! What in the world is thejnatter with Fido ?” , “He’s got a severe cold, dear. I think I must have left his muzzle off too suddenly, you know.”— London Judy. A Tart Taverner. Guest—Curious old rattletrap, this hotel. . _ Sarcastic Owner—Yes, ’tis rather bad, Ain’t it? Es yer’d ha’sent word yeusq. gointer come an’ storp er night er tew Wuth us, we’d ha’ bed et all repaired fer Traveler.-, "He Had t* Get Oft the Earth. “Give me a room,” said the tiredlooking citizen yalkpd info the hotel corridor a few centuries after the present da'fe.2 u ZE . “Front!” shfeutell -the-- clerk, “take this gentleman out,"' put him? in the ballbin and give him niceUpkrtnieiits on Saturn.” J.., _i -j* “Ed like to stay on wth,.if it’s just thA FButS W , VOjt”Vf' * '■ ’ ’ . .very* sorty*. bSt everything.im the earth is occupied,— iVaslilnglon Post. 1".

The champion birth-room of America is in the house nOw occupied by Francis Gibson, in Spring.iownship, Perry County, Peunsylvania.'in Which ocCUrred. the births'of John B. Gibson, Chief-Justice,of .the SuprenieCourt of Pennsylvania; George Gibson, commissary of the United States; Dr. John Bernheisel, the Mormon who first represented the Mormons iu Congress; Hon. John Bigler, Governor of California from 1852 to 1855; and Hon. Wm. Bigler, Governor of Pennsylvania from 1852 to 1855.