Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 February 1891 — Where the Old Maids Come In. [ARTICLE]

Where the Old Maids Come In.

"Do you know, sir,” Inquired an American tourist of his oompanion, While doing England, “can you inform me the reason for the fresh, healthful Bppearance of the English people? Their complexion is far superior to •urs, or our countrymen over the herring pond.” “Well, I know what Prof. Huxley ■ays." “And what reason does advance ?• “Well, Huxley is all owing to the did maids.” X “Owing to old maids l\You surprise me." ' “Fad. Huxley figures it out this Way. Now, you know the English are very fond of roast beef.” “But what has that to do with old maids?” “Go slow. This genuine English beef is the best and most nutritious beef in the world, and it imparts a beautiful complexion.” “Well, about the old maids?” “Yes, you see the excellence of this English beef is due exclusively to red clover. Do you see the point?” “All but the old maids. They are ■till hovering in the shadows.” “Why, don’t you see?” This red •lover is enriched, sweetened, and fructified by bumblebees.” “But where do the old maids come fai?” said the inquisitive American, wiping his brow wearily. “Why, it is as plain as the nose on your face. The only enemy of the bumblebee is the field-mouse.” “But what have roast-bbef, red clover, bumblebees, and field-mice got to do with old maids?” “Why, you must be very obtuse. Don’t you preceive that the bumble-b»w Would soon become exterminated by the field-mice if it were not for“Old maids?” | “No, if it were not for cats, and tin old maids of Old England keep the country thoroughly stocked up with cats, aad so we can directly trace the effects of the rosy English complexions to the benign cause of English old maid, at least that’s what Harry says •bout it, and that’s just where tb* old Btoda cocm in. Science mahee dcM