Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 February 1891 — Page 7

THE "RIGHT SIDE OF THE DOLLAR.” •■ve Ifroti sixty years in the frisky o'd world. An’ set® lots oi changin’ au turnin'. An’ fifty of them, by the sweet of my brow. My bread an’ my batter been earnin’, >■ An’ I’ve learned many things, in the way of hard facts (I never was any great scholar), An’ here’s one for you. Whatever you dp. Young man—on’ young woman, I’m warnin' you too— Keep on the right side of the dollar. No matter how much you may want this or that, if you can’t spare the money to buy it. Don’t run into debt, or y<>u’ll quickly regret that you ever were tempted to try it. Though your clothes may be white at the seams, an’you find Rough > dges on cuffs an’ on collar. Jest wait to get a new, till the same yon can do, Young men—an’ young woman, I’m warnin’ you too— An’ keep on the right side of the dollar. Oh, the strifes an’ the troubles that would be, like weeds, Cut down in their pestilent growin’, An' the blessin's. H*e beautiful flow’rs, that folks In their stead would be constantly sowm’ I Oh, the homes an’ the lives that wouldn’t be lost If all this plain precept would fuller That I lay down to you F Whatever you do, Youngman—an’ young woman, I’m warnin’ you too— Keep on the right side of the dollar.

PATSY AND THE RAM.

A Humorous Sketch.

on the street. In fact he had battering ram inclinations. Age did not lessen nor custom stale the playful eccentricity. Indeed, practice seemed only to make him more expert in the adjustment.of the force necessary to accomplish his purpose. For many years he reigned as the champion knockdown of Cooney Island. But, alas! for the perpetuity of goat supremacy, in 1890 a rival entered the field. His rival was a ram of uncertain age,

but undoubted vigor. He was imported by Mike Welch from the village of Wilbur. The ram was smaller than the goat. His horns curled downward. He was black and white in color. With a harrowness and lack of amiability which reflected seriously on the ..masculine sheep, he regarded ail men and women ax his enemies. Even to his friends no favor was shown. His owner quickly recognized the weakness or strength of his four footed property, and after a brief interview with the ram was engaged for an hour patching up his barked shins with sticking plaster. These made very poor substitutes for skin, and Mike wrathfully nursed his bruises and vowed inwardly to take a pitchfork with him the next time he went into the meadow where the ram was confined. Mike’s shins would have been intact had he not been prompted by the dictates of a kind heart to help a friend. It happened that Patsy Fogarty was crossing the feeding ground of the ram, when he attracted the attention of the animal. There was nothing suggestive of an ugly disposition in the appearance of the ram. To be sure, he kept one eye on Patsy, and while feeding edged up sideways ip Patsy’s direction. So marked did this movement of the become that Patsy stopped and waited for the ram to come up, intending to scratch the animal’s head. But when about ten feet away, the ram lowered his head, backed up some four feet and then charged. When his head came into contact with Patsy’s legs, the latter sat down. This act was performed so violently that Patsy thought his spine had been forced up through the back of his neck. Patsy* was still seated when the ram charged a second time, but as a measure of safety he grasped the ram by the horns ahd held on. ’Twas hard work, but Patsy held on until by his cries he attracted the attention pi Mike Welch, the owner .Qfjhe aniinal. “Lave go <>”. that ram.” shouted Mike, running up. “Is it tryln’ to stale him ye are?” “Divil a stale thin,” replied Patsy; “I was just seein’ had he any strength in his neck. Come down and hoult him a minute, Mike. Faix, he’s stronger nor a bull.” “Is that so?” replied Mike, jumping over the wall, “Gi’ me a hoult of him. till I see is he that strong.” Patsy transferred his hold of the ram’s horns to Mike, and then climbed on the wall to watch the fun. f ive minutes went by. Patsy sat on the wall and uttered such comforting remarks as: “Ye’d better not lave go yet, Mike; he’ll break yer legs if ye do! Faix, be has a head as hard as a stove plate, so he has !” Mike’s face was dripping with perspiration. He trembled with excitement and fear. Patsy looked da and chuckled. Mike cursed his luck, the goat, and Patsy; but he held On like t» ’porous plaster. He dared not let go. By this time a crowd of - Cooney Islanders had

HE residents of Cooney Island had a wh-'lsome respect for-Mickey Finn’s billy goat. The animal was in the habit of seriously interfering with the perpendicular position assumed by th e isl an d ers w h en

collected. They leaned on the wall and laughed until the tears rar down their faces. “Arrah, Mike, dear, s said Mr-. Finn with a gent'e sarcasm, “ye musht be tired holdin’ the dirty baste. L’ave go of him, that’s a dear. Faith, ye’ll be strainin’ yer arrums. Ha, ha!” , “God forgive ye, woman!" gasped Mike, as the ram jerked backwards, nearly pulling his aims out of their sockets. “God forgive ye fur yer sins.” “Ye hav' him, Mike, I see,” said Mrs. Doolan sweetly. “He c’u’dn’t get away from ye now if he was twict as strong, cud he, Mike?” Mike only groaned and glared in reply. He and the ram had tramped down twenty square feet of meadow land in the struggle. The ground was soft and they sank two inches the soil The fight had now been going on twenty minutes. Mike was rapidly getting exhausted. Various suggestions were made to him by which he could relieve himself of his horned antagonist. “Give him the fnt and throw him down; then ye can jump the fence,” said the wresfler on the island. Mike tried to put his idea into practice, but as he was holding the ram at arm’s length it didn’t work. “Ye might try him collar-and-elbow,” suggested the philanthropic neighbor with a grin. “If ye droppod yer hoult on wan horn and put yer arrum around his neck ye might throw him aisy.”

“If I get out o’ this alive I’ll break your back, me beauty!”exclaimed Mike, as I’e ran backward, urged by the ram. The onlookers now numbered nearly a hundred. They came running from every direction, and the shouts of laughter drove poor Mike wild. “Is there ’ere a wan as is man enough to jump the fence and grab hoult of his tail till we carry him across the lot and dump him on the other side o’ the wall?” said Mike in despair. After a long consultation with his mother Mickey Finn volunteered to assist Mike in carrying the goat. When he had secured a good hold on the ram’s tail,, the'ammal was partly dragged and partly carried across the lot, and with a heave-ho, was dropped over the stone wall into the adjoining lot. Mike now deemed himself safe, and was walking back panting from his exertions, when a shout from the crowd warned him that his danger was not yet over.

Glancing over his shoulder Mike saw the ram charging across the lot in his rear. Little Mickey being fleet of foot escaped, but Mike, owing to his exhausted condition, could not run fast. Just before he reached the fence the ram caught up with him, and as a result he was knocked on his face in the mud. Before he could regain his feet the ram had loosened his skin in several places below the knee and seriously interfered with his ribs. Hence the remark made by Mike in regard to pitch forks at the beginning of this story, and hence the recent rise in sticking plaster in Cooney Island. —New York Sun.

In Mortal Peril.

Dr. C. C. Abbott, in “Outings at Odd Time-i,” tells a tragic tale of an adventure which once befell an old lady, “long, long ago.” The spot where she lived was almost a wilderness, and was beset with the perils of a new and scantily settled land. The now almost forgotten Camden and Amboy Railroad was in operation, but though scarcely a mile distant, it was as nothing to her. She knew neither what nor where it was. But where the best whortleberries grew, ip the back swamp, that was knowledge worth her possessing. Although her Cousin Abijah had killed a Lear there, during the winter, she did not stop to think of that, but one day started for berries where few men would care to follow. With a light heart she gathered and gathered, until at length au ominous shrieking fell upon her ears. “Could it be another bear?” thought she, and turned her face homeward. Her big basket was not quite full, and there were such loads of fruit within easy reach I This was tantalizing, but all her doubt vanished with the second shriller, more unearthly scream. The path was no longer plain, nor was she sure-footed. As she pitched recklessly forward, the berries were bounced by handfuls from her basket, and finally, in despair, she threw aside the basket itself. And still sounded through the swamp the . terrible screeching of that angry bear. At last, she could see her cottage through the thickly-set trees, but not so plainly the tortuous path. One misstep, and she sank, waist-deep, in the yielding mud of an old well, and there she stood screaming, until her husband eame to the rescue. “Do be still, Hannah,” was his first remark, after she had chokingly called his attention to the still audible cries of the bear, “that’s only the new-fangled ateam-ingine whistlin’!” “And to thinK,” the old lady was ■wont to remark, on concluding this story, “to think I lost all them beautiful berries!” He (rapturously)—l love the very ground which is trod by your fairy feet. She (innocently)—Are you aware that this land does ndt belong to my father? Dog Days—The winer-w-irst season.

HIS SUFFERING ENDED.

ADMIRAL DAVID D. PORTER EXPIRES PEACEFULLYI\ » 1 —————— ’ Heart Troubles ot Long Duration the Cause—Surnnundyd by His Fapfi y and Friend*—-Hi* Service.* .to the Nation— He Came from Naval Sto k. [Washington dispatch. ] Admiral David D. Porter, the ranking naval officer of the rutted States, long commander-in-chief of the United States navy, died at his home in „this city at 8:15 this morning of fatty degeneration of the heart. His death t would not have beep a surprise had it occurred at any time within a year. Ho has been seriously ill for many montns, yet at the last the end came swiftly and suddenly, with but a few minutes of warning. Twelve years ago the Admiral had a severe stomach-*trouble which greatly weakened his system, and from whiclphe never recovered. Five years ago Dr. Wa’es, then Surgeon General of the United States navy, madti an examination, and told the old sailor that there were symptoms which pointed to the failure of the action of the heart. 'Admiral Porter was an optimist. He laughed, and said to Dr. Wales: “Nonsetfse, my heart is as good as yoqrs and tetter.” But even to the last hours pt fits*"consciousness Admiral Porter exhibited a feeble hope that there was a cufe lii'ktorh for him. Last summer he began to show marked signs of rapid de(|Kne. His memory became visibly weaker, his strength was sapped, and his nerves seemed tolo e their vitality. From the drain which was manifest upon his vital resources then ho never fully recovered. He was brought to Washington from bis summer home at Jamesiowlf,'near Newport. almost a dying man, and at times during the winter had been in a state of semi-coma. For the past five months, in consequence of the nature of his disease, it had been necessary to keep the patient in an upright po itlon, and for that time he had either occupied a great arm-chair in his bed room or had half-lounged upon a cushion on the sofa. It was not until eight o’clock this morning that young Mr. Porter noticed a startling change come over his father. There was a fluttering of the breath and pulse, a slight movement of the body, and in fifteen minutes the e.nd had come. There was no struggle, there was no movement to indicate a consciousness. The encumbered heart had stopped. Mr. Richard Porter, at the time of death, held one hand of the Admiral, and his sister, Mrs. Lieutenant Logan, the other. There were in the room at the time, besides Lieutenant Theodoric Porter, of the navy, son of the Admiral, Lieutenant L. C. Logan, of the army; the nurse, James McDonald, a Scotchman: and William Wilkes, a colored servant who has been with the Admiral for twenty-five years. Mrs. Porter, who was ill in bed, overcome by the long attentions to her husband,,and who had never abandoned hope of his rWovery, was not summoned to the death-bed, although she was in the adjoining room. The interment will take place in Arlington in a lot selected by the Admiral about one year ago. He then drove there, accompanied by one of his sons and his daughter, Mrs. Logan, and pointed to a lot near»to that occupied by the remains of Gen. Sheridan, down the eastern terrace, .overlooking the Potomac and the capital. He said: “Drive a stake theie, for there is where my body shall rest.” For weeks Admiral Porter had not been permitted to see his friends. Not very long ago General Sherman called and left a message of sympathy. He said to Admiral Porter's daughter: “I would rather not see Porter unless I could see him as he always was when j have met him. I will be the next one, and perhaps I may go before Porter does. Anyhow, it’s nothing to die, and it is just as natural as it is to be born.”

In the death of Admiral David Dixon Porter the country loses the last of a trio of uaval comuiandet's who sustained in the civil war the finest traditions of th® old navy. Though far from being alone In this record of gallantry, the names of Farragut, Foote and Porter have a pre-eminence of their own. David D. Porter was born in Chester, Pa., June 8, 1813, and thus-lacked a few months ortompleting his 78th year. He had his first experience in tbe Mexican service in 1827, being then 14 years of age. In 1829 Re was appointed midshipman In the United States navy and attained his lieutenancy in 1841. He served during tbe entire Mexican war, had charge of the naval rendezvous at New Orleans and was engaged in every action on the coast. Afterward he commanded for some years steamships in the Pacific Mall service between New York and the Isthmus of Panama. At the beginning of the civil war he was appointed to the command of the Powhatan,' oh service in the‘Gulf. In Farragut’s attack on New Ojrleans, Porter, now promoted to Commander, commanded tbe mortar fleet. Farragut, having destroyed the enemy’s fleet of fifteen vessels, left the reduction of Fort Jackson and Fort St. Philip to Porter, while he proceeded to the city. The forts surrendered In April, 1862. Porter then assisted Farragut in all the latter’s operations between New Orleans and Vicksburg, where he effectively bombarded the forts and enabled the fleet to pass in safety. After his service at Vicksburg, Porter received the thanks of Congress and tho commission of Rear Admiral, dated July 4, 18C3, the date of the fall of that town. He ran past the batteries of Vicksburg and captured the Confederate forts at Grand Gulf, which put his fleet Into communication with Gen. Grant. In the spring of 1864 Porter co-operated with .Gen. Banks In the Red River fiasco, and later in the same year was transferred to tbe North Atlantic squadron and reduced Ft. Fisher. Rear Admiral Porter received a vote of thanks from Congress, which was the fourth that he received during the war. Rear Admiral Porter was promoted to be Vice Admiral on July 25,. 1866, served a while-as Superintendent of the Naval Academy and was then transferred to Washington. On Aug. 15, 1870, he was appointed Admiral of the Navy, the highest grade in the service. In 1882, Porter published “Incidents and Anecdotes of the Civil War.” and in 1887 “History ot the Navy in the War of the Rebellion,” a work of substantial merit. He was married in 1839 to Anne Paterson, a daughter of Commodore D. T. Paterson. He leaves one son in the navy, one in the Marine Corps, besides two others in private life, and two daughters.

Cashier Spaulding Writes.

At Ayer, Mass., President Hartwell has received a letter from the missing Cashier Spaulding in which he states that he began taking the bank’s money about four years ago, and that it was all lost in speculation. Examiner Gatcbell stated that the loss to the First National Rank was apparently-about >?7,oo<X.

Two Unknown Men Killed.

At Fad Eiver, Mass., two unknown men were killed on the Old Colony track aa the outskirts of the city by a train.

Respectable Pov??.

J Miss Baque Bey—l undeistood you to ! say. mamma, that the Emersons were wealthy. »' Mrs.’ Baque Bey—Are they not? Miss Baque Bey—l should say not Everybody at church to-day had on new fall spectacles, except Miss Emesson. She wore her summer glasses— Cape Cod Item. A law has,been passed In Kansas by which the-districts may select and own such text-books as they choose. A quantity of text-books will be purchased for the schools and placed at the disposal of the pupils, thus virtually making books free.

Progress.

It is very important in this age of vast material progress that a remedy be pleasing to the taste and to the eye, easily taken, acceptable to the stomach and healthy in its nature and effects. Possessing these qualities, Syrup of Figs is the one perfect laxative and most gentle diuretic known. About 5,000 children who are entitled to admission in the public schools of New York City are forced to remain at home because school accommodations are insufficient Only, one never can tell whether a poet's poetic existence and feeling has any true relation to his own real life. “Has your son made much progress at college?” “You bet he has! You should hear him give the college yell.” COUGHS AND HOARSENESS.—The irritation wnlch induces coughing immediately relieved by use of “Brown's Bronchial Troches.” Sold only- In boxes. “That was a bass hit," said the choir singer when he struck a low note. BEEgHAM’s Pills cure Bilious and Nervous ills. (- The dude is never so rquch himself as when he is absent-minded. The ent.re book is ably written, and gives trusty Information for everyone growing fruit of any sort or kind. Sent free In>Stark Bros., Loulsiamu Mo.— Orange TwUl Bye you arrive ut the house of Never.* Decide to-dav that yefl will-suse JBAPOLIO. It Is asolld cake .<>t.Boou ring Soap. The best cough medicine Is Plso’s Cure for tJonyumptlbui Sold‘'every where. 25c.

rTBr.;-r r -)irw — rs’lried I' f 11-' ! _ And. True is the positive yerdlqt of people who take Rood's Sarsaparilla, tfhen used according to directions the good effects of this excellent medicine are soon felt InfiervArtrength restored, that tired feeling driven off, e'godd appetite created, headache and dyspepsia relieved, scrofula cured and all the bad efiject* of impure, blood overcome;. It yon. ate in need of a good blood purifier or tonic medialne do not fall to try ;>? Hood’s Sarsaparilla Bold by all druggists. ; six for S 5. Prepared only by O. I. HOOD & CO.. Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass. 100 Doses One Dollar SKUNK. BACCOON ' And all other fore bought lor cashathiirbeHprices. Seudfotci’cular.whlch gives Lull particulars. E C. Boughton, 42 Bond St., New fork

AmWrafeJ T storms are the coming enemy. You know that this enemy will sit down for five long months outside this citadel, and do its best to break in and destroy. Is this citadel garrisoned and provisioned ? The garrison is your constitution. Is it vigorous or depleted ? How long can it fight without help? Have you made.provision for the garrison by furnishing a supply of SCOTT’S EMULSION of pure Norwegian Cod Liver Oil and Hypophosphites of Lime and Soda ? It restores the flagging, energies, increases the resisting powers against disease; cures Consumption, Scrofula, General Debility, and all A ncemic and Wasting Diseases {especially in Children), keeps coughs and colds out, and so enables the constitution to hold the fort of health. Palatable as Milk. SPECIAL.—Scott’* Emulsion is non-secret, and is prescribed by the Medical Profession all over the world, because its ingredient* are Scientifically combined in such * manner as to gffeatly increase their remedial value. < CAUTlON.—Scott’s Emulsion is put up in salmon-eoloredWrappers. Be sure and get the genuine. Prepared only by Scott &Bo wne, Manufacturing Chemists, New York. Sold by all Druggists. lEmJ Hs m3 "l 3f vijr, | RELIEVES INSTANTLY. MMk— lmgHßgrHEas, B 6 W*rren SL,NewYotk. Price 60 Lql Best Cough Medicine. Recommended by Physicians. Cures where all else fail*. Pleasant and agreeable to the KV taste. Children take it without objection. By druggist*. CHICHESTER'S ENGLISH. RSD CltSsS DIAMOND BRAND A Ok rtNHXROXMI * r \uus O - ..™ l «W Tb««aiy Safe, fere,Bad nitaM. rm Ibr .<a. CP /Sp LMtea. uk PrauiM tar Cn< tatter', feylM tHeewnd >m4 1b li«4 and GaU melallU \y 1/ W VZkeiweSsrktaA few. V I w > ft •K— r ‘tstyarsusyK' ._ .

SHILOH’S CONSUMPTION CURE. The success of this Great Cough Cure is without a parallel in the history of medicine. All druggists are authorized to sell it on a positive guarantee, a test that no other cure can successfully stand. That it may become known, the Proprietors, at an enormous expense, are placing a Sample Bottle Free into every home tn the Unital.States and Canada. If you have a Cough, Sore Throat, or Bronchitis, use it, for it will cure you. If your child has the Croup, or Whooping Cough, use itpromptly, and relief is sure. If you dread that*insidious disease Consumption, use it. Ask your Druggist for SHILOH’S CURE, Price io cts., 50 cts. and SI.OO. If your Lungs are sore or Back lame, use Shiloh’s Porous Plaster, Price 25 cts.

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“August Flower” For Dyspepsia. . < A. Bellanger, Propr., Stove Foundry, Montagny, Quebec, writes: “I have used August Flower for Dyspepsia. It gave me’great relief. I recommend it to all Dyspeptics as a. very good remedy.” , Ed. Bergeron, General Dealer,. Lauzon, Levis, Quebec, writes: “T have used August Flower with the best possible resul ts for Dyspepsia.**' C. A. Barrington, Engineer and General Smith, Sydney, Australia, writes: ‘ ‘August Flower has effected a complete cure in my case. ,It acted like a miracle.” •4 Geo. Gates, Corinth, Miss. .writes? " I consider your August Flower.the best remedy in the world-for: Dyspepsia. I was almost dead with that disease, but used several bottlesof August Flower, and now consider myself a well man. I sincerely recommend this medicine to suffering humanity the world over.” • G. G. GREEN, Sole Manufacturer, Woodbury, New Jersey, U. SL A.

THE NEW WEBSTER JUST PUBLISHED—ENTIRELY NEW. f ®"\ I WEBSTER’S 1 I INTERNATIONAL J \ DICTIONARY/ „ A GRAND INVESTMENT for the Family, the School, or the Lihnuy. Revision has been in progress for over 10 TeamMore than 100 editorial laborers employed. S3OO 000 expended before first copy woe printed.. Critical exam ination inviteci. Get the Beet. Sold by all Booksellers. Illustrated pamphletfiee, O. & C. MERniAM£sCO..rublUh«n» Springfield, Masi., U. 8. A.. Caution t—There have recently been teenod* several cheap reprints of the 1847 edition of Webstor's Unabridged Dictionary, an edition long, aince superannuated. These books are given various names, —“ Webster's Unabridged,** "The--Great Webster’s Dictionary,’’ “ Wt-nsteris Big Dictionary,” “ Webster’s Encyclopedic Dictionary," etc., etc. Many announcements concerning them arevery misleading, as the body of each, from AteZ, is 44 years old, and printed from cheap puMt" made by photographing the old pages. “ o r ateful-comfortinol" EPPSS COCOA

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