Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 February 1891 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR.

The Discrepancy Explained. “Bromley, ‘l’m right in with you; it will take money, but it will pay handsomely. I have SIO,OOO ‘at interest which I can call in upon ten days’ notice. If yon can command the same amount " “But how is this, Darringer? Yesterday you made an awful poor mouth; you said you had no bonds, no stocks, no money at interest, no ” “Did I say it to you, Bromley?” “No, but to a stranger who sat just over there; I was by, you know.” “Oh, I remember. Well, do you know who the stranger was ?” “No,” “He was the assessor.” “Oh, I understand.”— Philadelphia Call. This Was a Wicked Trick. She—How did you get your rival out of the way at the supreme moment? He—lnduced him to join a foot-ball eleven. His mail goes to the hospital jet.—Munsey’s Weekly He Might Be Both. Miss Flyaway—He’s a great crosscountry rider. Miss Frostique—Why, I think he is a very pleasant gentleman. —Boston. Herald. A Modern Instance. Tommy—Does your ma ever go through your pockets looking for cigarettes? Jimmy—Naw, she don’t smoke the same kind as me.— lndianapolis Journal. In a St. Louis Restaurant. “Waiter, how long have you worked hero?” “Oh, about ten days.” _ “My steak was ordered before your time then. Tell one of those other waiters to come here.” —'West Shore. Too Much Vigor. Prompter—Mr. De Stage, yon pronounce the words “Get thee to a nunnery” with too much passion. You shout them out as though Hamlet really meant them. Actor—Well, didn’t he? Prompter—Of course not, Hamlet and Ophelia were not married.

Two Figures Out of Three. Cynic—The Four Hundred is a highly appropriate name for our high society. Binnicle—Why? Cynic—Because its chiefly made up of ciphers.— Brooklyn Life. An A pology Acknowledged. Goslin—l beg pahdon for not recognizing you yestahday. My eyeglahsses are so deceptive, doncher know. Faugle—That’s so, they are. Why, they make you look almost intelligent.— West Shore. A Thoughtful Hostess., Hostess (to male wall-flower) —Permit me to introduce you to a charming dancer, Mr. Westend. Mr. Westend—Au, thanks, mo, I nevah dance. “Would you like to join the card party in the drawing-room?” “Au, thanks, no, I do not play.” “Well, supper will be ready soon.” —Street <£' Smith’s Good News. An Oversight. Mose Schaumburg (to clerk) —Mishter Silverstein, you vas so stoopid I don’t know vat to do mit you. Silverstein—Mister Schaumburg, I vas shoo>t what nature has made me. Schaumburg—Veil, I dells you somedings. Yen nature put you dot vorld in, she made a great mistake dot she did not give any directions how you should be used. It vas a great oversight.— Siftiv gs. Rev. Plink Plunk on Deceitfnlness Deceitfulness, deah breddern, am one ob de sins mos’ frequently met wif in dis *yar world, an’ besides it’s de hardest to doctor, for de simple reason dat a bad trade dollar makes more racket den a good hundred dollar will w’en it’s drapped into de collection box. “Our Dog.” “Sissy!” called the boy as he ran up to a little girl standing at the gate in front of a house on High street, “run in and tell your mother that your brother Johnny is having a dog fight in the barn.” “Is he?” “Yes.” “Is our dog in?” “Yes.” “Which is whipping?” “Your dog.” “Goody-good! Hurry around and tell Johnny to sic ’em, and to kick the other dog, and I’ll stand in the back yard and tell ma if she comes out that it’s only the cats!” Rase Ingratitude. Widower—Doctor, your bill is something fearful. After you have doctored my wife to death you expect me to pay you an enormous bill. Doctor—That’s just what I expected yon to say. Such a tiling as gratitude no longer exists in this world.—Siftings. Something Taken, but Much Left. He—l hope you won’t be offended, but I took the liberty of making an engagement for you with Mr. Catesby. She—That’s all right; jmst so you didn’t take the liberty of my declining to fill it.— Judge. They “Found” Them.

Farmer Ye 3, you young fellers kin have all the apples you find on the ground. And they managed to “find* a good many down.