Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 February 1891 — WITH THE WITS. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

WITH THE WITS.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS FROM MANY SOURCES. In Doubt. Hardup—Miss Laura, have you considered my note— my letter—er—my proposal ? Miss Laura—l really do not know bow to consider it—whether as a proposal or a challenge to a fasting match. ¥ A Return to Sanity. He—But you used to love me, and now you have taken the woman’s privilege and changed your mind, I suppose. She—l haven’t changed my mind at all: sir. I have merely recovered it.—, Chicago Newts. A More Fascinating Pursuit. “Is the Professor, at home?” asked the doctor, addressing the wife of the sage and philosopher. “He is,” was the reply. “I wish to consult him in regard to a new discovery in spectrum analysis. Is he in the library ?” “No; he is in the parlor playing Tiddledy Winks.”—Cape Cod Item. An Expensive Amusement. Kind-hearted lady (stopping seedy pilgrim on the street)—My poor man, is there anything I can do for you? Seedy pilgrim—You mistake me, madam. lam not a mendicant. lam trying to be an amateur photographer on S4O a month.— Chicago Tribune. An Experienced Boarder. “Mrs. Small,” asked a prospective customer, “what is your charyo per week for boarding ?” “Seven dollars, sir.” “Is that with or without ?” “With or without what?” “Prunes.”— Brooklyn Life. Some of Ihem Twice Teacher—Now, Johnny, you may ei plain to me the difference between ( king and a president. Johnny—Kings are born and presi dents get there. — Buffalo Express. ■ A Much-Needed Invention.

Cholly—Yes, deah girl, you see the fashion obliged me to invent this strap to carry the cane on, or I should have been worn to skin and bone. —Texas Siftings. Domestic Economy. Wife—l wish you would buy me one of those patent inkstands that hold the ink in tightly when accidentally upset. Husband—Those inkstands are expensive. I think it would be cheaper to spank the baby.— New York Weekly. Entirely Satisfactory. Spriggins—Last week I heard that you and Wiggins were at swords’ points on account of something he said about you. Now, I see you are good friends again. Has he recanted ? Biggins—N—o, but he invited me into his house, and decanted.— Street & Smith’s Good News. References. Mistress—Have you any references? New Girl—No, mum. Have you?—■ Street & Smith’s Good News. Women in the Case. He—That man yonder was once the wealthiest man in the Mormon Church. She —What broke him ? He—A sudden change in fashions.— Munsey’s Weekly. Charitable. Tramp—l say, ma’am, can’t ye gimme a bite o’ something cold to eat ? Mrs. Pancake—Why, yes, poor fellow ! go and take one of those icicles off the fence.— Judge. Old Husband (who is financially embarrassed, to his young wife, who is not in the least embarrassed)—Don’t look around at that man, Molly; I am afraid he is a deputy sheriff who has an attachment for me. Molly—l don’t think it is you for whom he has got an attachment, so you need not feel uneasy, hubby dear. Texas Siftings. Holding More than His Own. Quester —So our friend Buskin has yrown to be quite a star in his profession, eh? Jester—A star! If you’d seen him at the banquet last night he’d reminded you of a whole collection of stars. Quester —Indeed ? Jester—Yes—the dipper.