Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 January 1891 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR.

Fixing a Limit Dumbie—l never meet old Fuddle out he’s sure to put me in a dilemma. Crumble—lt would be a good thing if he could confine himself in one. Dnmbie—How so? Crumbie—Why, there are only two “horns” to the average dilemma. Seeking a Mother’s Advice.

Son—“Sav, mammy, me an’ Kate Mullen is thinkin’ about hitchin’ up togedder. Now I want vez to tell me if yez thinks ihatrimony is a fizzle ?” They Never tret Hurt. Female Visitor—My husband has been missing for three days. Polioe Officer—W T here was he last seen ? “Coming out of a saloon near the river, and ” “Drunk or sober?” “Very drunk; and I’m afraid * “Calm your fears, madam; he’ll turn up all right.”— -Street & Smith’s Good News. In Its Concentrated Form. “Doctor,” said the tired-looking caller, “I believe a trial of Dr. Koch’s .ympli would do me good.” “Your lungs, sir,” replied the physician, “are perfectly sound. You need no consumption cure.” “But I have a tired feeling all the time.” “A kind of indisposition to take any active exercise?” “Yes.” “Or any other kind of exercise?” “Yes.” “Or to do anything like work?” “Um—yes.” ‘ “What you need, sir, is the lymph of industry. “I believe yoe are right, doctor,” said the caller, rising languidly. “I’ll live on honey for the next thirty days, ind see how it goes.”— Chicago Tribune. Tl»e Hunting Season. Mrs. Nimrod—How much are these partridges ? Game Dealer—Forty cents a pair, madame. “Well. 11l take them. My husband has gone out hunting over in New Jersey, and if he calls in here on his way backy tell him that I have bought one pair of partridges already.”— Texas Siftings. It Certainly Was Grease. Two young men, while walking beneath an elevated railway in a town which shall be nameless, were appalled to find themselves the recipients of a bucketful of oily liquid dropped from an engine above their heads. “Bah!” said one of them, with an angry glance upward. “So this is free America!” “You are wrong,” said the other, ruefully wiping his coat; “it’s Greece.” — Harper’s. Favors a Third Party Movement. Thinker—Do you know, Blinker, that I have been seriously considering this third party movement, and I quite advocate it. Are you in favor of it ? Blinker—ln favor of it? I should say! Ever since our marriage I’ve had a mother-in-law officiatiug as third party in my house, and any movement that’ll get rid of her I’ll boost with all my vehemence.

Burglar, writing to newspaper: I; Editor of the Daily 3<piealer: “Dear Sir : This morning, between the hours of 3 and 5 o’clock, the jewelry store of Giltedge & Co. was entered and robbed to the extent of about $4,000 in watches and diamonds. The culprit is still at large. Kindly make mention of the affair in your paper.” It Barred Her Out. Mabel—l think the chief reason that marriage is so often a failure is that people marry outside their own circle. Now, I think that a woman should never marry a man w r ho is not in every way her equal. Jaques— Then you have quite determined, have you, to be an old maid ?

A Very Considerate Burglar.