Democratic Sentinel, Volume 14, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 January 1891 — KUMOR. [ARTICLE]

KUMOR.

Mast Have Worked to Spend It. The Prince of Wales Is 49 years old. He has thus far in his life received 816,000,000 from the British Governmen, and" is $8,000,000 in debt. He has thus on amaverage expended about half a million dollars a year. A Notorious Criminal. Wagley—Do yon see that man over there ? It’s a funny thing about him. Now, he looks perfectly honest, don’t you think so? Wooden—Why, yes, I should say so. Wagley—Well, that man, to my certain knowledge, has forged thousands of notes. Wooden—You don’t sav so! Wagley—l’v* seen him forge over a hundred myself. Wooden—Bless me! Where was it? Wagley—ln an anvil chorus. Mixed His Figures oT Speech. “Can von count far now, Tommy?” “Yeth. I can count ath far athi J.” Some Excuse. Jags—Before I’d wear an imitation diamond! Snags—But the stone this is an imitation of is worth $85,000. A Palpable Swindle Mr. Thrifty—Doctor, I don’t think much of that cough medicine of yours. Dr. Curem—l am very sorry to hear that. What is the reason ? Thrifty—Why, there is so much of it dead waste. Curem—Dead waste? Thrifty—Yes; I hadn’t taken more than a quarter of the bottle when I was all over my cough, and there is the other three-quarters just thrown away. A Tou*h Job. Minister’s wife (looking up from the paper);—The idea! A minister in Michigan has bought a bill of SSOO against an estate for preaching the funeral sermon of a wealthy citizen there. What in the world did he make such a charge for? Good minister (wearily)—l presdme it was to satisfy his conscience. Curing a Patient; Patient—vjsn’t there some mistake about that bill you sent me ? Doctor—No. sir; it’s correct, five hundred dollars. Patient—To pay that will take every cent I have: 11l starve. Doctor—Well, dieting is what you need. A Very Hard Case. Professional Humorist—This makes me perfectly sick! Here it is midwinter, and coal, instead of going up in price, is actually getting cheaper. Sage—Why, I should think that would make a family man like your* self very happy. Professional Humorist—A family man like me! Great Christopher, man, I’ve ght four pounds of coal jokes left over from last winter, and now 11l have to keep them at least another year! Commoner Yet. Watts •*— I’ll risk the prediction that ten years from now flying machines will he common as type-writers. Potts—Type-writers ? I wouldn’t be surprised if tkey are as common as disli-washars.