Democratic Sentinel, Volume 14, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 December 1890 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Hi* H#r. Plink Plank on Rostitntlan. *D®ar breddern, las’ Sunday I made some remarks about a man wot substracted four pennies from de plate after drappin’ in a bad nickel. lam happy to ernounce dat de pennies wnz returned. Dere wnz jes’ fifty pjiseme hvar on las’ Sunday, and dere was jes’ 200 pennies in de basket. De congregashun describes a vote oh thanks for dere unanimosity in dis matter." Vat Hi* Match. A fellow thinking to appear smart, entered a notion store and said to one of the salesladies, “Ever have any caU for husbands here?” “Oh, jes, occasionally. Are you looking for a market?” “Yes,” said Smarty. “All right. Step right up on the 10 cent counter.” Telling: It* Age. “The government envelope factory at Hartford uses two tons of gum per week,” read Mrs. Squildig in the newspaper. “From that statement,” coinmented her husband, “we can determine the age of the establishment.” “I don’t see how." “Don’t you? Does not the use of so much gum point indubitably to the mucilage?” Understood the Case. Mrs. Seebeach—l wish to get a divorce from my husband for outrageous cruelty, inhumanity, brutality, nonsupport— Lawyer—l must have SSO retaining fee first, madam. Mrs. Seebeach—But I haven’t got it. I spent the last SSO my husband gave me for this bonnet this very morning. Lawyer Won’t he give you any more? Mrs. Seebeach —Not for several days, anyhow. Lawyer—Well, perhaps the gentleman you wish to marry will lend it to you. Tommy Knew What He Wanted. Clarence (courting Miss Alice, observes that her little toddler of a brother has been staring at him from the parlor doorway full five minutes)— Why are you looking at me so, Tommy? Tommy—Waitin’ for you to propose to Alice. Alice—Oh, Tommy, how came you to say such a thing? Tommy —’Cause ma said if he proposed you’d fling yourself right at him, an’ I want ter see you. Two of ’Em in Circulation. Servant Girl (to master of the house) —Go away and quit hugging me. I heard you tell your wife last night that she was all the world to you. Master of the House—So she is, Katie; but yon know there are two worlds—the old world and the new world. ,