Democratic Sentinel, Volume 14, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 December 1890 — Page 6

PICTURE OF PARNELL.

SMALLEY'S PEN-DRAWING OF THE FAMOUS IRISHMAN. (irtlen of Alt Propriety —He Ipior*» All Personal and Social Obligations, and Yet Is a Great I eader of Men —A Master of the Art of Obstruction. This most interesting pen picture of Mr. Parnell yet printed is furnished by the confessedly unfriendly hand of-George W. Smalley, one of the best known of London correspondents: “Mr. Parnell, be the merits or demerits of his home-rule policy what they may, has been, at any rate, a great figure in public life. He has led not a great party, -but a party large enough to hold the balance of power in English politics, with extraordinary ability and power. * * * * "When he entered the House of Commons the cause of homo rule was the cause of a despised and powerless minority. Today Mr. Parnell’s watchword is written on the banners of all that is left —and the greater part in numbers is left—of the Liberal party of Great Britain. He accomplished this amazing result by methods not less amazing. He defied the House, trampled on its traditions, broke its rules of deliberate purpose, organized a conspiracy against the very life of parliamentary government, set himself to degrade and dishonor the oldest parliamentary assemblage in the world, the mother of parliaments, the prototype and pattern of every legislature, State or Federal, in the United States of Amer-

MRS. O’SHEA TEN YEAR; AGO.

jestrHe endured censure and suspension; he court d both. Ho allied himself first with one party, then with the other; used both, despised both, hated both, and was by turns the master of both. “He studied the rules and orders of the House till there was, save the Speaker, none who knew them so well as he. It is a kind of knowledge more formidable in tho House itself than any other, or perhaps all others. He mastered them in Abler to misuse them; to pervert them, ovortlirow them; to destroy them and tho legislative es-

WONERSH, CAPTAIN O’SHEA'S HOUSE AT ELTHAM.

ficiency of the House together. He invented and perfected tho art of obstruction. He committed every conceivable crime against the dignity and authority of Parliament He was not, and is not, a good speaker, nor even, in the ordinary sense, a good debater. Yet, in the end, he subdued this proud assembly to his will. He conquered his place. Ho was heard and almost obeyed. The House, which used to apply to him all kinds of discipline, sometimes rather childishly, found itself in the end compelled to treat him, and to treat with him. as an equal. “The old parliamentary hand himself

CHARLES STEWART PARNELL.

was not his superior as a tactician either in the House or before the country, and, finally, as we all know, MrGladstone, like the House, had to capitulate. A capitulation is pot an unconditional surrender, and there wefo conditions in. both cases. Hut in both cases it was a surrender. Mr. Parnell is entitled to the glory of having brought

CAPTAIN O'SHEA,

hfe chief enemies to terms, and te wtf hard terms. Mr. Gladstone’s was perhaps the more humllitwo * and certainly the more

completo •nd on the harder term*. Within five years from the day on which Mr. Gladstone locked np Mr. Parnell in Kihnalnham jail Mr. Parnell had forced Mr. Gladstone to abandon his Irish policy, to renounce his Iri9h principles and to march the remnant of his shattered legions, with arms reversed and drums muffled, into the Parnellite camp. “Mr. Parnell has always been the mystery man of politics, and people now think that the mystery is cleared up. The mystery was Mrs. O’Shea. When Mr. Parnell was not in the House of Commons he was at Eltham in her society or at some one of the many other places in which this long intrigue was at different times carried on. His absences were often commented on, never publicly explained. Never did any man carry mystery and secrecy so far. It was supposed at one time that Mr. Parnell cloaked his movements because he dreaded assassination.

“He cared nothing for society, but of late years some of his new Liberal allies or their wives have sought him and asked him to dine. If they knew his ways, they sent their invitations by telegraph; nor were they even then always received. “Mrs. O’Shea is no ordinary woman, nor is she an adventuress. She is of the bluest English blood and is a woman of intellect and refinement. Her brother, Sir Evelyn Wood, is one of the best generals in the British army and, after Lord Wolseley and Sir Frederick Roberts, who are both Irishman, next in the line of promotion for commander-in-chief. Mrs. O’Shea is handsome, with a pearly white skin, a wealth of golden hair and a graceful, voluptuous figure. She has a fascinating manner and is charming in conversation, with cultivated literary tastes and a man’s knowledge of politics. The breath of suspicion had never touched her until she met Parnell. She started in to help him politically and ended by becoming infatuated with him. The fascination was mutual. “O’Shea is the son of a Limerick attorney who left him a large fortune, which he squandered in horse racing and gambling. He was an officer In a crack cavalry regiment, a dashing, lady-killing fellow with a good figure and attractive manners. He married Kitty Wood when she was in her teens, but the pleasures of the mess-room and tho race course had more attraction for him than home. When he lost liis money he left tho army and lived on his wife’s, spending it freely on wine, women and horses. Ho often remained months away from home and utterly neglected his wife. Getting into Parliament for County Clare through the influence of the Catholic bishops, he foisted himself “bn Parnell through his wife’s entreaties and proceeded to earn a good Government berth by maklrg himself useful. He closed his eyes to what everybody know and finally only acted from mercenary motives. He is the most thoroughly despised cad in London to-day. Under other circumstances and with a man for a husband Mrs. O'Shea would have made a good wife. There can be no doubt that Parnell will marry her.”

An Incident of the Street.

Two men were walking on the street, and as they walked they talked. “I can tell a man’s character by the way he shakes my hand. If he gives me one finger I always watch him after that,” said one. “I presume there are some exceptions,” said the other. “No, sir; none.” Just then they met a third man, who stopped them. The latter speaker in the foregoing dialogue introduced the third man to his friend. There was a hot weather conversation and they separated. The first tw o men passed on. “Did you notice how that man shook your hand?” asked the second speaker. “Yes; he gave me one finger.” “And you would say that is a suspicious thing in his character?” “I would; certainly.” “No exception ?” “None.” “Well, that man has but one finger on. his right hand. He was born tha\ way. Now what have you to say?” “He ought to use hi 3 left hand. But seriously, I suppose there are excep tip ns to all rules.”

“Money Goes.”

The old saying that “money goes,” was illustrated last "week, says a St. Louis paper. A customer tendered a S2O bill. The tradesman had it changed by a neighbor, who, being in a hurry, gave a pocket-piece of $lO in gold "of of the issue of 1861, which he prized highly and did not want to part with. He went to the tradesman to whom he had given the valued coin, and the latter went out and hunted up the customer to whom he had given it. He had bought some cigars at a neighboring store and had given the gold piece in payment. «Upon going to the cigar store it was found that the proprietor had transferred the coin to a saloonkeeper near by, and, at that place, it was found that the saloon-keeper had, used it in liquidating his brewery bill. The next day a neighbor went to the brewery and found that the cashier of that institution had just parted with the coveted piece of money to a dissatisfied employe. The individual was at last located in a neighboring saloon amj the coin recovered.

The stupid Teacher.

Perhaps the most difficult school teacher to deal with is the fttupid one, who knows nothing outside of text books. A boy, attending one of our public schools, came home the other day, humming a school song. The tune attracted his father’s attention, and he asked the boy to sing- the ' shbg. He did so. It was a rollicking sailor, song, and in the choriift the boy saDg, “We’ll fill our bowls and eat the toafet.”’ At this point the father stopped him and asked where he had learned the, song. The boy replied that he had learned it at school* “Joriceknew that song,” said the father, “but I never knew it ran ‘We’ll fill our bowls and eat the toast,’” “It isn’t printed that way,” said the bpy, “but, the teacher said she never heard of anybody’s drinking toast,, so she made us scratch out ‘drink,’ aacLsihg it |eat. ’ ”

There are SOOjQQQ' people that walk about the streets of London.daily, and in so doing they wear away- a ton of leather particles from their boots and shoes. This would, in a year, form a leather belt six inches; .wide and onefourth of au inch thiok, long enough tc reach from London to New lork.

MARRIED IN A MINUTE.

ESQUIRE ALLISON'S CELEBRATED MARRIAGE FACTORY. HU Pktram Generally Runaway Couple* from Dubuque uad Near-Hi Point. Id Wisconsin—Fairplay a Gretna Green for Youth* and Mnltlons Who Cannot Wait fur Paternal Consent.

away over nine miles of rocky Wisconsin roads, straight east from Dubuque. It is a road over which hundreds of brave Lochinvars and fair Ellens have hastened, while papa's buggy wheels rattled ominously in the rear. It was a hot Sunday afternoon in September. Ahead of us the mighty SinsinJwa mound, crowned by the Convent of St. Clara, cut a disk in the horizon.

Here and there in the fields and on the hillsides along the road big piles of yellow clay, looking like gigantic gopher

SQUIRE “BOB” ALLISON.

holes, marked the sites of deserted mineral holes. Seven miles east of Dubuque a sparkling little spring brook runs across the road, and wo know we are nearing Pairplay. It is Squire Bob Allison’s famous water-cress brook. In it grows the greenest, the sweetest, and the crispest cresses of all the country round. Presently wc drive down over a hilltop and an ancient signboard, swinging from a tall post, looms up in the middle of the road. The signboard is old and battered, stained by the rains and faded by the suns of thirty years. On it you can still mako out tho mystic legend, blazoned in broad, black letters on the weather-beaten background: * ; FAIRPLAY HOTEL, : : bt ; : B. ALLISON. ; * ■•••* Stretched out along the road for 150 feet on the left of the sign-board is Squire Bob’s establishment. The genius

“THEN THE TREATS WENT ’ROUND.”

of Squire Bob is many-sided. Squire Bob is a farmer, a hotel-kebjjer, a lead miner, and a dealer ,in black-jack and dry bone. He is also a saloonkeeper and a Justice of the Peacb. u Eor many years he was postmaster, until recently removed for “offensive partisanship,” “whatever Jhat there is,” Vs Bob says.’ For thirty years Bobhas been agent for the stage Hhe between Dhbhqile and Phttteville, Wis. Ttfifce f »--week the stage eoach, now greatlfViminished in ble door. We dismounted and fastened ourfiorse to one of the many posts along thetporch. The plafee looked desßrted., .Save old Sqifire Bob standing in solemn dignity behind his bar not a soul waft insight We Stepped inside the door, and in two minutes the room was full. Eiffteen or twenty big, husky miners and farmhands, with ah eye open for a free drink, had put in their appearance from some mysterious quarter. Then the treats went roupd, Squire Rob pouring his own brand of ancient apple-jack from a little brown jug. The glasses emptied, the satisfied crowd disappeared as mysteriously as they had come. “Squire Allison,. Lsuppose you could marry a couple to-night, couldn’t you?” Then came a grand transformation

as near as I rkin reckin I have officiated at nigh about 800 runaway weddin’s.” “Squire* Bob Allison spoke slow!ly as befits the dignity of his position as the matrimonial magnate of Fairplay, the Gretna Green of Wisconsin. For two hours our little dog-cart had been pounding

FAIRPLAY MATRIMONIAL PARLORS.

scene. Tho whilom barkeeper, like the lightning change artists at the theater, proceeded to make up for his champion role as a maker of matrimonial fits and misfits. He pulled on a long, U w.k

“I WILL MEET YOU IN THE LANE, LOVE."

broadcloth coat over his shirt sleeves and drew up his six feat and four inches with judicial dignity. “Wall, as nigh as I kin reckin’ I’ve officiated at about' eight hundred runaway weddin’s and I’ll be glad to accommodate you,” and the big squire led the

way Into his matrimonial parlors. The temple of this Wisconsin Cupid is a dismal little room made impressive by an imfnense desk and a lot of black haircloth furniture. The Squire opened his desk and proceeded to display his stock of fancy marriage certificates —gilt and pasteboard affairs, with appropriate decorations of arrow-pierced hearts, Cupids, and affectionate turtle-doves. When they had been sufficiently admired, the Squire pointed to bis records, a shelf full of big ledgers. “Them's all weddin’ records,” he said. “I reckon marriage hasn’t been a failure in my case,” and the Squire ventured a ’ sthile at his own joke. “Will it make any difference if we don’t get here until late to-night?” “No; I’ve married people at all hours In the day and night. I’ve married more than one couple when parties was poundffi’ the front door to get in. But in most cases there ain’t no trouble. I jest simply hitches ’em up shipshape and they go along home, man and wife until

WEDDED BLISS.

death or divorce do them part. And mobbe the’r folks don’t know they are married for six months’ afterward. ” “What feo do you charge?” “I ginerally leave that to the bridegroom,” said old Bob, with rather a mercenary look in his eye. “I’ve got as high as $25 and then ag’in as low as sl, but most respectable people that come here to get jined in the holy bonds of wedlock think aV is about right. The worst deal lever got, though, was from a young feller who run away with a Dubuque girl and come over here to git married. He stood me off for my fee and then tried to borrow $1.50 to pay his livery bill." “You must have bad some exciting experiences ” “Yes, I have had, but you mustn’t be a-asking me to reveal, no professional secrets. It would hurt business. I had an awful funny case one night last week. A young feller drove up with his girl in a single buggy about H o’clock. We was ail to bed, but he pounded us out and said he wanted to get married. I

AN INTERRUPTED CEREMONY.

told the farj’ly to get up and come down so as to be witnesses, and lit up my office. The young feller hitched and ho

»nd the girt cum in. The girl had abR b ack veil over her face. When we got all ready to solemnize the nuptials t told the young lady to take off her veil. No, sir, she wouldn’t do it Then she called the feller off to a corner of the room, and she and him argied together quite a spell, very anxious-like. Finally the young feller cum over to roe and says: ’Wall, Mr. Allison, I guess we won't git married to-nigbt, after ali,’ and with that him and her unhitched and drove back to Dubuque, and I never got a cent for my trouble. “Wall, I suppose you’ll be over tonight?” said the Squire, as we rose to go. “No; we re just a couple of newspaper men, too poor to get married.” “Wall, why the dickens didn’t you say so?” queried the offended dignitary, as visions of a fat fee vanished from his mind.

Nevertheless, local newspaper men cherish no animosity toward Squire Bob. His Fair play justice-shop is a fertile source of matrimonial sensations. Three or four couples from Dubuque, Galena, and the surrounding towns are clandestinely married there every week, and dozens of eloping couples from all parts of the country come in by train and hasten by carriage to the shrine of Squire Bob, where thoro is no tell-tale marriage icen se to be secured. Many prominent people in Dubuque and elsewhere who are now trotting along sedately in double harness and bringing up children in the way they should go were “jined” in holy wedlock by Squire Bob, and “a Fairplay wedding” is a standard proverb through all that section. Many of Squire Allison's weddings have resulted happily, and the burden of responsibility on his broad shoulders is probably no heavier than that of many who are in the marrying business In a less informal way. Squire Allison’s team is a historic outfit. It consists of a little old white mule, blind in both eyes, and an Immense, gaunt and bony sorrel horse, hitched together to a three-seated democrat wagon.

“JERRY SIMPSON’S SOCKS.” Tho Kansas Farmer Congressman-Elect anti Ills Peculiar Campaign Methods. “Jerry” Simpson, the Farmers’ Alliance Representative of the Seventh Kansas District, is a peculiar character- His success was the most astonishing incident of the recent Congressional elections. The district has nominally a Republican majority of 15,000, and Hallo well, his millionaire opponent, considered himself sure of a walk-over. Simpson owes his election to tho perfect organization of the farmers, and to his own aggressive

CONGRESSMAN JERRY SIMPSON.

campaign tactics. Outside of his vigorous oratory the principal feature ol those tactics was his socks. He did not bring them with him, but the use he made of them was none the less effective. His habit was to appear on the platform with his trousers turned up so that his auditors could see that he wore neither stockings nor drawers. He accounted for their absence by saying: “This is wbat tariffs and mortgages brought me to.” At other times, it is said, he would take off his shoes to show that he had no socks and remark that “things didn’t come to him in carriages.” Sarcasm was nis great weapon and he indulged in rude jokes that tickled the ears of the rustics. He did not disdain to feign ignorance when it was necessary to draw a laugh. Once having made an allusion to Daniel Webster as the author of the dictionary a man sitting behind him reminded him that it was Noah. “What are you givin’us,” said Jerry, “Noah built the ark.” The Congressman-elect from the Seventh Kansas District is really an able man with great power of influencing his own class. He was at one time a lake captain, but after the wreck of his vessel, when he came near being •drowned, be abandoned navigation for farming.

The Peacock. It is curious 'that the habits of so common a bird should be so little known. We have been gravely told that they could not fly, because their tails were so heavy. But the drollest and least pardonable misstatement about peacocks is to be found in “Couch’s Hlustratiou of Instinct,” where we are told that—“lf surprised by a foe, the peacock erects his gorgeous feathers, and the enemy beholds a creature whose bulk he estimates by the circumference of the glittering circle, his attention at the same time being distracted by a hundred alarming eyes, accompanied by a hiss from the serpent-like head in the center.” The fact is the peacock closes his tail at once the moment he is alarmed, and flies off with a scream, instead of stopping to hiss. He will not spread his tail at all if under fear; and when he does spread it, it is either out ol rivalry with the males, or to attract the females. In tests on a number of different persons an electrician has found the effective resistance of the human body to be less to the alternating than to the direct current in the same individual, with a great variation in tie resistance to either current in different persons. In five subjects the resistance to a contiftuous current of fifty volts ranged from 3,320 to 10,000. The tests revealed incidentally a striking difference in the strength of current different individuals can endure.

HUMOR.

Hi* H#r. Plink Plank on Rostitntlan. *D®ar breddern, las’ Sunday I made some remarks about a man wot substracted four pennies from de plate after drappin’ in a bad nickel. lam happy to ernounce dat de pennies wnz returned. Dere wnz jes’ fifty pjiseme hvar on las’ Sunday, and dere was jes’ 200 pennies in de basket. De congregashun describes a vote oh thanks for dere unanimosity in dis matter." Vat Hi* Match. A fellow thinking to appear smart, entered a notion store and said to one of the salesladies, “Ever have any caU for husbands here?” “Oh, jes, occasionally. Are you looking for a market?” “Yes,” said Smarty. “All right. Step right up on the 10 cent counter.” Telling: It* Age. “The government envelope factory at Hartford uses two tons of gum per week,” read Mrs. Squildig in the newspaper. “From that statement,” coinmented her husband, “we can determine the age of the establishment.” “I don’t see how." “Don’t you? Does not the use of so much gum point indubitably to the mucilage?” Understood the Case. Mrs. Seebeach—l wish to get a divorce from my husband for outrageous cruelty, inhumanity, brutality, nonsupport— Lawyer—l must have SSO retaining fee first, madam. Mrs. Seebeach—But I haven’t got it. I spent the last SSO my husband gave me for this bonnet this very morning. Lawyer Won’t he give you any more? Mrs. Seebeach —Not for several days, anyhow. Lawyer—Well, perhaps the gentleman you wish to marry will lend it to you. Tommy Knew What He Wanted. Clarence (courting Miss Alice, observes that her little toddler of a brother has been staring at him from the parlor doorway full five minutes)— Why are you looking at me so, Tommy? Tommy—Waitin’ for you to propose to Alice. Alice—Oh, Tommy, how came you to say such a thing? Tommy —’Cause ma said if he proposed you’d fling yourself right at him, an’ I want ter see you. Two of ’Em in Circulation. Servant Girl (to master of the house) —Go away and quit hugging me. I heard you tell your wife last night that she was all the world to you. Master of the House—So she is, Katie; but yon know there are two worlds—the old world and the new world. ,

Kansas Philosophy.

A woman does her best when threatened; a man, when coaxed. Loyal hearts under provocation usually prove the most rebellions. There never was a person, probably, that it was not easy to dislike. Poor mafr. While he is worrying about how to get enough to eat, his wife is worrying about what to get, and how to eat it. There is one talent that is never hid under a bushel, and that is the talent of getting credit for talents that are not possessed. Fraud is the little wolf that looks so cunning in sheep’s clothing we are induced to accept it for its plausible and pleasing appearance. So many more babies than grown folks go to heaven that we imagine a great part of the singing done up there must be in getting them to sleep.—Atchison Globe.

Manners of Men.

A man who repents easily usually errs without much effort. So many men confound a curiosity to know about tbeir neighths with a thirst for knowledge. The boy who grows up to be 20 without ever in his life robbing a bird’s nest, stealing a watermelon, stoning a cat, playing hookey, teasing his sister, or licking the boy next door: the boy who never does all this—well, he never grows up to be 20. The first a man receives word that a friend in the country has sent him in some fish, quails, or venison, be invites every one he meets to coine up and partake with him. The day he invites no one, and the day'that the jirWerff arfives, he'earries it home through the alleys for fear that those he has invited will know it has come, and be over to get their share.— Atchison Globe.

You Are Not to Suppose

That a shoe-black would make a firstrate teacher of etiquette, because he adds a certain polish to all who patronize him. Or that, when Vou receive a postal order, it is absolutely necessary to obey it. - Or that it is quite right of a fledgelifig artilleryman to boast that he has been “accepted by the E. A.” Or that you could blow a powerful and effective blast on an ink-horn or a shoe-horn. Or that a man whose stature is 5 feet 9 inches can possibly reach a height of 6 feet by becoming long headed in business. — 1 Renewed attention has been directed to some curious experiments made twenty-five years ago by M. Nicholas Wagner. It was then demonstrated that fixed electric currents exist in the wings of butterflies, and that the color of the wings is determined by these currents. Artificial currents changed the reds into orange, and blacks into red, and a constant battery produced spots varyingin shape with the strength of the current. By means of eleotricity, it was also possible to produce a kind of atrophy, and to change the shape of the wings. Electrical mining apparatus and the magnetio treatment of iron ores are exciting no small degree of interest among mining engineers.