Democratic Sentinel, Volume 14, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 August 1890 — MORE OR LESS AMUSING. [ARTICLE]

MORE OR LESS AMUSING.

Weather report—a thunder clap. Many fine dinners are served in a oonrse way. An after-dinner speech: Waiter, bring me the tooth-picks. Isn’t it rather rough to call a grocer who simply sands his sngar an adulterer ? “I’m having a ‘gallus’ time,” said the old bachelor, as he mended one of his suspenders. Chawlie —l thought yon took an interest in my welfare. Madge—No, sir; •only in your farewell. f Chicago girls object to rubbers, “they draw the feet so. ” It must be an awful load, even for India-rubber. Miss Wiseman —lsn’t your husband a little bald ? Mrs. Hendricks (indignantly) —There isn’t a bald hair in his head. Chacncey Depew needn’t brag about seeing-the Queen. We knew a man once who “saw” four queens and it cost him about $4,000. Mother —And what did you say to the gentleman, Ethel, when he gave you the apple? Ethel—l told him that I liked oranges better. Barber (executing an artistio swipe down his customer’s cheek) —Does it pull? Customer (with his teeth firmly set) —No, it don’t pull—lt ex cavates. Mrs. McCarthy (to pedlar)—ls thim cabbages nice, Mr. O’Leary ? O’Leary (gallantly)—Bedad, they’re as fresh and green as yourself, Mrs. McCarthy. Average wife—My dear, aren’t you going to church with me this Sunday? Average husband—Good lands! Why, I went to churoh with you last Sunday. Irate better half—Jeremiah, von’re a goin’ ter hey a piece of my mini now. Henpecked husband (feebly)—l rather hev a peace of mine, wife, darned es 1 hedn’t.

Mrs. Upton —Yes, that is my daughter’s piano; bat she has scarcely touched it since she has been married. Mrs. Downtoo —Jest the same with my darter an’ ’er typewriter. “Do You believe that spirits can return, Doctor!” “Oh, my friend, how can you ask such a question ? If I believed that I would not be able to practice my profession any longer!” Benevolent: “Well, Fritz, you got whipped at school to-day ?” “Yeff, but it did not hurt.” “But you certainly have been crying?” “Oh, I wanted to let the teacher have a little pleasure out of it.” First resorter—That mosquito just came'up and presented Ms'bill as cool as could be. I never had anything sting me so. Second resorter—That’s nothing. Wait till the landlord does the same thing. Benevolent party—My man, don’t you think fishing is a cruel sport? Fisherman—Cruel? Well. I should say so. I have sat here six hours, have not had a bite and am nearly eaten up by mosquitoes. Sleeker —Yes, sir, I always kept a diary. And there never was an entry in that diary which I would have been ashamed that my mother or my sister should see. Ruffen—Same here. I put down “sundries” for drinkables. “I feel,” said the young man to her father, “that existence without your daughter would be only a dreary task, whose .completion could not come too soon. ” “Very well, ” said 'the old gentleman ; “take her, and presently you’ll feel the same way, only more so.” “Papa,” said the young mother, “I have decided on a name foY the baby; we 'will call her Imogen.” Papa was lost in thought for a few minutes; ho did Dot like the name, but if he opposed it his wife would have her own way. “That’s nice,” said he, presently. “My £rst sweetheart was named Imogen, tnd she will take it ad a compliment.* “We will call her Mary, after my mother,” was the stem reply. the frisky summer girl. When tho grass widow loves to repose In ihe shade. And the bank clerk affecteth to doze In the glade, The frisky young lass Tumbles round In tho grass, Nor of strangers who pass «, Is afiad. -f Nonght cqres she for curl or skirt, Not she; She rompishly loveth to flirt • With some he. He may be a granger, he may Be a drummer who stops for a day; Men are scarce, and young maidens are gav—• Fall of glee. —Son Fmneitco News Letter.