Democratic Sentinel, Volume 14, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 June 1890 — AFTER MARRIAGE. [ARTICLE]

AFTER MARRIAGE.

of the First Lessons to Be Learned I* Mutual Ccnfideuce. The only possible secrets between two married people should be those which are sonfided to either one of them by others. While some people, who call themselves worldly wise, will laugh at the idea of inch perfect confidence as this implies, ethers still, especially the newly married, who have had small worldly experience, will be shocked that I should suggest the Keeping of any kind of secret by either wife or husband from the other. lam not prepared to say that these last are not the wiser of the two. Only, in that ca<e, when > ny confidence is proffered to either husb nd or wife, the recipient of it stould make hrs or her position clearly understood, says a writer in the Domestic Monthly. No personal secret cun fitly belong to one only of the two people of whom love and law have made one flesh. The very ideal of’ marriage had been realized by that old judge who had knelt tor so many years to say a la-t prayer at night beside his wife, that when at last the had left him his lips were dumb, and without her he could not even open his heart to God. One frequent cause of trouble in married life is a want of openness in business matters. A husband marries a pretty, thoughtless girl, who has been used to taking no more thought as to how she should be clothed th -n the lilies of the field. He begins by not liking to refuse any of her requests. He will not hint, so long as he can help it, at care in trifling expenses—he does not like to associate himself in her mind with disappointments and self-denials. And she, who would have been willing enough, in the sweet eagerness to please of her girlish love, to give up any whims or fancies of her own whatever, falls into habits of careless extravagance, and feels herself injured when, at last, a remonstrance comes. How much wiser would have been perfect openness in the beginning! There are thousands of lictle courtesies also that should not be lost sight of in the cruel candor of marriage. The secret of a great social success is to wound no one’s self-love. The same secret will go far toward making marriage happy. Many a woman, who would consider it an unpardonable rudeness not to listen with an air of interest to what a mere acquaintance is saying, will have no least scruple in showing her husband that his talk wearies her. Of course the best thing is when talk does not weary—when two people are so unified in taste that whatever interests the one is of equal interest to the other, but this cannot always be the case, e'en in a happy marriage; and is it not better worth while to take the small trouble of paying courteous atten- ■ tion to the one who depends on you for his daily happiness than even to bestow this courtesy on the acquaintances whom it is a transient pleasure to please? Ideality is a good house-mate. That love lasts longer, as well as reaches h'gher, which idealizes its object—yet there is one dangerous direction which - ideality may take. If it deceive us into the belief that we are wedding perfection, then the revelation of human infirmities, which is an inevitable consequence of all marriage, comes upon us with a shock which is sometimes perilous to contentment. The best antidote for this rude shock would be a little wholesome selfexamination. The vainest of us can scarcely cherish a secret belief in our own perfection. We realize in ourselves, when we look within, the very faults of which we are most intolerant in others. Above all things, let those who would find in earthly marriage heavenly delight and life-long sweetness, learn that to love —which includes all good things—includes forgivness of sins and gentleness of judgment.