Democratic Sentinel, Volume 13, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 December 1889 — WISE AND UNWISE. [ARTICLE]

WISE AND UNWISE.

A man might never become a fence i even were he continually a-railing. John—Elvira, do you love me, or is ;it my money ? Elvira—John, I love I you both. When a dude is near-sighted J and | half-witted he gets on very well with half an eye-glass. The unmarried females of the coun- ■ try will be much interested in the work ; of the Patrons of Husbandry. The “Forty-niners” of California were Pan-Amei icans, though some pan’d out better than others. Lena (from New York City)—And i you are going to marry, Ella? Ella I —Yes. I thought I would for a while. “Mucilage trust been formed,” said Jags to Cags. “Somebody’s going to get stuck,” was the prediction that followed. There is a rumor that the senior class at Harvard University is deteriorating, and the election of a negro as class orator seems to give color to it. Friend—ls Jennie’s husband a good provider ? Mother-in-law They’ve been married only about five years and they have a w’hole houseful of children. “Why,” said the husband, “do you wear the hair of another woman on your head?” “Why,” retorted his betterhalf, “do you wear the skin of another calf on your hands ?” Mrs. Watts Mother’s birthday comes next week, and I want to make her a present. What would you suggest? Mr. Watts—ls I had my way I’d give her a nice, heavy tombstone. Biggins--Do you see that portly man over there by the door? -Wiggins —Yes; fine-looking man. Diggins—He takes life easily. Wiggins—Looks as if he did. Diggins—He does; he’s a doctor. Genial host—Pathrick, me bhov, you’ve had quite enough to dhrink. Take me advice; when ye get to the top of the street ye’ll see two cabs; take the first, because, begorra, there’s only one. Mistress catch any mice last night. Did you set the trap, Bridget ? Bridget—l did, mum. I set it forninst the cheese, and thin covered it over wid an old hat so that the mice couldn’t see it. Agent—Mr. Moneymuch, can I sell /ou a phonograph, the greatest invention of the age ? The machine will guarantee to talk 200 words per minute, and Mr. Moneymuch—Thank you, sir, but I don’t need it. The sewing circle meets twice per week at our house. A • nice plaything for children: Mrs. Bandbox —You said the train I should take leaves at 10:30, didn’t you? Ticket Agent—Yes, madam; and I think I’ve told you that about ten times already. “Yes, I know you have, but my little boy says he likes to hear you talk.” Fond father—Harry, you have been waiting on Miss Watson for over a year. W’hy don’t you marry her? Harry— She isn’t emotional enough. Fond father—Great Scott, boy, what do you want with an emotional woman? The crown of my head is as bare as a billiard ball. Your mother was an emotional woman. Parishioner —Deacon, I doan’t hab much faith in dat new minister wot yo : got fo’our church from down Eichmond; he has dun prayed fo’ rain for fo’ weeks and not a drap has felled yet. Deacon —Yes, Bre’r Willyums, but it hab rained pow’ful hard at Eichmond, an* I guess de Lawd hab dun fo’gotten dat de minister hab changed his place oh residence.

NOT INSURED. The moon beams calmly sifted down Upon two tender things— Matilda Martha Robinson And William Henry Bings. The youth was smitten by her eharms And closer to her leant, And having dared to kiss her, cried, “It was an accident 1” “For shame young man 1* exclaimed the' maid, “Withold your compliments. For well you know I’m not insured Against these accidents i” —Hap sand Mishaps.