Democratic Sentinel, Volume 13, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 November 1889 — CARL DUNDER. [ARTICLE]

CARL DUNDER.

Ha Is Catching On to American Ways at Last* “Hello, Mr. Dander,” saluted Sergt. Bendall as that individual entered the Central station with a broad, satisfied smile on his countenance. “Hello, Sergeant.” Vhas eafrythings all right mit you?” “I guess so. You look happy.” “Sergeant, I vhas shust like sweet oil. No more troubles for me. I vhas catching on to do shust like Americans.” “I am glad of that. You used to be terribly green.” “So I vhas. Three months ago I doan know some beans in a bag. Ha! ha! Der cows come along und take me for some grass. If it rains I shtandt right out doors und get wet. Ha! ha! It makes me laugh when I see how green I vhas!” | Anything happened lately ?” queried the sergeant in a careless way. » “Vhell, not mooch. Some fellers try to beat me, but dey doan’ make oudt. I vhas too sharp for ’em. One feller comes along mit six pair of sheep shears in a bundle. He doan’ want to sell dose shears, but he likes to borrow three dollars for one day und leaf ’em for security. If he doan’ come pack in one day dose shears vhas mine.” “I see.” “He doan’ come pack. Maype he break his leg or something, but dot vhas nothing to me. I keep doses shears. If somepody beats me, sergeant, he shall has to get oop werry early in der morning.” “I presume so. Have you the shears there ?”

“I has. I belief you like to see ’em.” “They are worth two shillings a pair,” said the sergeant, after ap inspection. “You are out of pocket fourteen shillings, and what do you expect to do with sheep-shears ?” “Heafens! I doan’ think of dot!” gasped Mr. Dunder as he grew white in the face. “Anything else?” “Vhell, I get my life insured. I doan’ belief I vhas sheated by dot. A feller comes along und says vhas I Carl Dunder ? I vhas. Vhell, der President of der United States says he likes me to call on you und insure your life. Dis vhas a new company and a new idea. I let you in by der ground floor. I like your name to influence odder people. “ ‘How vhas dot new idea ?’ “You pay only two dollars eafery twenty years, and if you die your wife gets $75,000. It vhas der biggest thing out. ■ Shildrens cry for it. Wanderbilt, Shay Gould, Russell Sage und all der big fellows vhas into it. How oldt you vhas—who vhas your grandmother —how many teeth have you lost ondt—was you easer bit by some dogs—did you easer own a white horse—how often you fall down stairs you ride on some bicycles, und dis vhas the truth, der whole truth, und nothing but der tru.h.” “And he wanted the $2 in advance ?” 'queried the sergeant. “Of course. Dot vhas to pay for shwearing me.” “Well, you are beaten again, Mr. Dunder. Insurance men don’t do business that way. Good day!” “How you mean ?” “You had better go home. Have you got a tub in your house ?” “Of course.” “Any bran at the barn ?” “Yes.” “Well, make the tub about half full of mash and then put your head to soak for about forty-eight hours. When through buy some No. 4 sand-paper and polish it down to the bone.” “Sergeant, vhas I some greenhorns?” .“You are.” “Vhill I easer learn somethings ?” “Never.” “Then, good-by©! I shan’t try no more. It vhas a queer country, und nothing vhas der same two times alike. Vhen my body vhas' brought in here doan’ make fun ofit. Shust use it shently and say dot I did so well ash I could”. — Detroit' Free Press.