Democratic Sentinel, Volume 13, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 November 1889 — Page 3

CARL DUNDER.

Ha Is Catching On to American Ways at Last* “Hello, Mr. Dander,” saluted Sergt. Bendall as that individual entered the Central station with a broad, satisfied smile on his countenance. “Hello, Sergeant.” Vhas eafrythings all right mit you?” “I guess so. You look happy.” “Sergeant, I vhas shust like sweet oil. No more troubles for me. I vhas catching on to do shust like Americans.” “I am glad of that. You used to be terribly green.” “So I vhas. Three months ago I doan know some beans in a bag. Ha! ha! Der cows come along und take me for some grass. If it rains I shtandt right out doors und get wet. Ha! ha! It makes me laugh when I see how green I vhas!” | Anything happened lately ?” queried the sergeant in a careless way. » “Vhell, not mooch. Some fellers try to beat me, but dey doan’ make oudt. I vhas too sharp for ’em. One feller comes along mit six pair of sheep shears in a bundle. He doan’ want to sell dose shears, but he likes to borrow three dollars for one day und leaf ’em for security. If he doan’ come pack in one day dose shears vhas mine.” “I see.” “He doan’ come pack. Maype he break his leg or something, but dot vhas nothing to me. I keep doses shears. If somepody beats me, sergeant, he shall has to get oop werry early in der morning.” “I presume so. Have you the shears there ?”

“I has. I belief you like to see ’em.” “They are worth two shillings a pair,” said the sergeant, after ap inspection. “You are out of pocket fourteen shillings, and what do you expect to do with sheep-shears ?” “Heafens! I doan’ think of dot!” gasped Mr. Dunder as he grew white in the face. “Anything else?” “Vhell, I get my life insured. I doan’ belief I vhas sheated by dot. A feller comes along und says vhas I Carl Dunder ? I vhas. Vhell, der President of der United States says he likes me to call on you und insure your life. Dis vhas a new company and a new idea. I let you in by der ground floor. I like your name to influence odder people. “ ‘How vhas dot new idea ?’ “You pay only two dollars eafery twenty years, and if you die your wife gets $75,000. It vhas der biggest thing out. ■ Shildrens cry for it. Wanderbilt, Shay Gould, Russell Sage und all der big fellows vhas into it. How oldt you vhas—who vhas your grandmother —how many teeth have you lost ondt—was you easer bit by some dogs—did you easer own a white horse—how often you fall down stairs you ride on some bicycles, und dis vhas the truth, der whole truth, und nothing but der tru.h.” “And he wanted the $2 in advance ?” 'queried the sergeant. “Of course. Dot vhas to pay for shwearing me.” “Well, you are beaten again, Mr. Dunder. Insurance men don’t do business that way. Good day!” “How you mean ?” “You had better go home. Have you got a tub in your house ?” “Of course.” “Any bran at the barn ?” “Yes.” “Well, make the tub about half full of mash and then put your head to soak for about forty-eight hours. When through buy some No. 4 sand-paper and polish it down to the bone.” “Sergeant, vhas I some greenhorns?” .“You are.” “Vhill I easer learn somethings ?” “Never.” “Then, good-by©! I shan’t try no more. It vhas a queer country, und nothing vhas der same two times alike. Vhen my body vhas' brought in here doan’ make fun ofit. Shust use it shently and say dot I did so well ash I could”. — Detroit' Free Press.

Kangaroo Skin.

Since 1859 kangaroo skin has been gradually coming iato use in this country. When first, introduced in that year tanners fought shy of them and it was some time before the good qualities of the leather were ascertained. In one establishment in Newark, N. J., 6,000 kangaroo skins are weekly tanned. The animals are killed in Australia, 300 miles, back from the coast, and shipped here. The 'characteristic climate of Australia and the pugnacity of the kangaroo make hunting the hides dangerous. Winter starts in May and ends in December in that country. The rest of the year the heat is intense, the thermometer reaching 140 degrees. Eight men hunt together for kangaroos. They are called a “set.” When brought to bay the kangaroo jumps like a flash for a hunter’s chest, and tries to crush it in with his forefeet. To prevent this each man wears across his breast a two or three-inch thick matting. Armed with a spear, with a club attachment at the other end, they ride upon swift horses into a herd. With the agility and equipoise of circus riders they stand erect upon their horses and use their spears and clubs. The kangaroo is able to jump clear over a horse. As the game is bagged it is skinned, and the skin is stretched on the ground and pegged down to prevent a shrinkage. The flesh furnishes meat for the camp. Each man places his private mark upon his booty, and when they have 100 skines apiece they return to civilization. Kangaroo hunters make large profits, some men being known to have made $4,500 free of living expenses in a single year.

Squire Jeffs’ Dilemma.

Squire Jeffs, for many years a Justice of the Peace in a county of Maine, was a wealthy but somewhat ignorant farmer. One day, in the most pressing season of harvesting, he was summoned to attend at the trial of some petty dispute between two of his neighbors. The evidence was long and somewhat tedious, and the Squire had more than once exhibited symptoms of impatience. At length, when it was finished, and the village lawyer had risen and delivered a preliminary “H’m” or two, he burst forth: “I don’t want none of your pleading about it! I know how it is, jest like a book! Besides, it’s getting late, and I want to go home and look after my men. I can decide it now as well as any time.” On being convinced that such a course would not be according to law, he yielded reluctantly. The argument did not tend to edify him much, for when they were finished, he exclaimed : “There —it’s jest as I knew it would be! The thing was as clear as daylight before, and now you’ve gone and mixed it up so, I’ll be hanged if I know how to fix it!”

85,000 for a Wife.

One of the greatest stories (founded on fact) ever published, commences in the December (Xmas) number of Godby’sLady’s Book, published at Philadelphia. Every woman, married or single, should read it, Ready November 15th. All newsdealers.

What She Said.

He was a San Franciscan in the played-out city of London. He came from the West, where he had developed -that independence and selfreliancd which, combined with good looks and twenty-dollar gold pieces, make a man superior to all Europe. He strolled with graceful dignity to a gilded bar, over which presided a divinity of superb physical form, but still a woman, with that air which only an English barmaid can possibly put on—an air of mingled conceit, pride, coquetry, and humility. She awaited his order. He was dressed' in the latest fashion. He threw the lapel of his coat back with a proud gesture, and fixing his fascinating eye on the bar beauty, he said: “Tell me, my pretty maid, what can you suggest for a man who ate a Welsh rabbit last night and does not feel well this morning?” She did not smile; she did not appear to be affected By the appearance of his swelling chest or his wicked eye; she simply said : “Why didn’t you heat two Welsh rabbits, and let t ’em chase other ?”— San Francisco Chronicle.

What Everybody Says

must be true, and the universal verdict of those who have used Hibba r d’s Rheumatic Syrup and Strengthening Plasters is that there is no doubt of their curative qualities. E. Larzelere, agent M. 0. R. R., Albion, Mich., says “he was cured of Bright’s disease” by the use of Hibbard’s Rheumatic Syrup. Mrs. M. E. Jones, Prairie City, lowa, says: "For three vears I have been afflicted with inflammatory rheumatism and kidney and liver troubles. I have taken Hibbard’s Rheumatic Syrup and applied their Plasters over my stomach and am entirely cured. It is the greatest remedy that I have ever used.” First ask your druggist; should he not keep it. we will send on receipt of price, $1 per bottle or six for $5. Rheumatic Syrup Co.. Jackson, Mich. Parlob Electricity. A very simple apparatus for obtaining an electric spark is made by a German physicist. Round the center of a common lamp chimney is pasted a strip of tin-foil, and another strip pasted from one end of the chimney to within a quarter of an inch of this ring, Then a piece of silk is wrapped around a brush, and the interior of the chimney is rub-, bed briskly. In the dark a bright elec- ! trie spark may be seen to pass from one piece of tin-foil to the other each time the brush is withdrawn from the chimney. Many other experiments can be tried with this apparatus. • •

Anguish Unspeakable

Is endured by the victims of inflammatory rheumatism, and any form of the disease may reach that agonizing phase or attack the heart and cause death. Unhappily they who feel its preliminary twinges seldom realize this. Like' other possibly dangerous maladies, rheumatism r is often disregarded at the outset. Well will it ! be for him if this brief notice shall serve as a 1 warning of future peril or pain to a reader* troubled with incipient, rheumatism. The: proper sequel will be an instantaneous resort, to the great preventive depurent, Hostetter’s' Stomach Bitters, whose brevet of professional recommendation popular experience has confirmed. There is no finer or more genial antidote to the virus of rheumatism in the system.Botanic in its origin, it is free from the objec-v tions attaching to depurent poisons liable to be taken in more than tho infinitesimal dose. The Bitters conquers malaria, indigestion, liver and kidney troubles. - A sensible suggestion is made that, the inovement to restore the monument to. the memory of Mary Washington, the mother of the first President, shall include the purchase of the old house in» which she lived and died. It is a small house at Fredericksburg-

How’s This!

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by takins Hall’s Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY &'CO., fropj., Toledo. O. We, the undersigned, have known F. J. Chenej for the last 15 years, and believe him perfectly honorable in all. business transactions, and financially able to carry out any obligation made by their firm. West & Tbuax, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O. Waldino, Kinnan & Mabvin, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O. E. H. Van Hcesbn, Cashier, Toledo National Bank, Toledo, O. Hall’s Catarrh Cure is taken actin; directly upon the blood and mucus surfaces Ql the Price 75c per bottle. Sold by all Druggists. A New York paper has undertaken the herculean task of deciding who is the prettiest woman in that city.

A Talkative Parrot in a Car.

“Ah, there, baby!” screamed the parrot hid behind a paper which Willie had placed over the cage. The old maid looked startled, but a grin appeared on the faces of several of the other passengers. “Oh, mamma!” croaked the bird. The old maid glared at each passenger, highly indignant. “Where did you get that hat, I’d like to know?” went on the irrepressible bird. The clerical passenger looked up in alarm and then felt his hat in hasty confusion. Every one noted the action and a ripple of suppressed laughter went over the car. “Ah, there, whiskers!” The clerical man leaped to his feet and frowned at a smooth-faced young man near the front. “I won’t be insulted,” he cried. “Ding, ding; two more fares out of the company’s pockets.” The conductor flushed and hastened into the car from the back platform. “Who said that?” he demanded. Willie looked as demure as an angel. “Johnny, get your hair cut.” An old man with long hair made a precipitate departure from the car. • At Broad street Willie lifted the paper, grabbed the cage, and got off the car. Then the passengers tumbled.— North America.

A New Kind of Insurance

has been put in operation by the manufacturers of Dr. Pierce's medicines. His “Golden Medical Discovery" and “Favorite Prescription"' are sold by diuggists under the manufacturers’ positive guarantee. Either benefit or a complete cure is thus attained, or money paid for these medicines is returned. The certificate of guarantee given in connection with sale of these medicines is equivalent to a policy of insurance. The “Golden Medical Discovery" cures all humors and blood taints, from whatever cause arising, skin and scalp diseases, scrofulous sores and swellings. The “Favorite Prescription" cures all those derangements and weaknesses peculiar to women. Don’t hawk, hawk, and blow. blow, disgusting everybody, but usd Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy.

Thought It Was a Brother.

Says a clergyman: “I had been asked by one of our out-country brethren to take part in a service at his church. I was to preach the sermon, and came prepared with one of my most elegant jjixnbs. Just as I was mounting the pulpit steps, however, the pastor whispered in flay ear: ‘I thought you ought to know that this is a funeral service.’ You may imagine my feelings. -They must have been something like Dr. Depew’s when, at the commeucerqent exercises of a Western college, he found himself expected, on ten minutes’ notice, to deliver the historical address. However, I had a little time to collect my thoughts. It was a memorial service, not a funeral, and I .must do the deceased justice. I started, and talked my best for a quarter of an hour; then I stepped down. As I did so, the brother who had informed me of the nature of the service approached me. He seemed somewhat embarrassed, but he shook my hand warmly. “ ‘lt was a good sermon, sir,’ he said. “ ‘Yes,’ I replied; for, to tell you the truth. I thought so myself, considering the circumstances. “ ‘lt was a good sermon,’ he repeated, ‘but—but ’ “ ‘Well?’ I asked. “ ‘But it wasn’t a brother that died; it was a sister.’”

A Desperate Man.

Bagley had called on fifteen landlords, all of ■whom objected to leasing him' their houses because he had children. At last he becaine desperate, and resolved to have a house at any cost. “Well,” he said to landlord No. 16, “I guess I’ll take this place.” “Pardon me, sir,” said the landlord, “but have you any children ?” “Yes,” sighed Bagley, “but I’ll kill them.”— Judge.

A Wonderful Flesh Producer.

This is the title given to Scott's Emulsion sos Cod Liver Oil by many thousands who have taken it. It not only gives flesh and strength by virtue of its own nutritious properties, but. creates an appetite for food. Use it, and try your weight. Scott’s Emulsion js perfectly palatable. Sold by all Druggists.

Rising in Value.

Wife—Mother wants to come and make us‘a visit, John, but I’m afraid she never will as long as we have that parrot. She detests parrots. Husband —Does she? Wife—Yes; and you know you have a standing offer of SSO for that bird. Husband—My dear, I wouldn’t sell that parrot for $l5O. — Epoch.

Hibbard’s Rheumatic and Liver Pills.

These Pills are scientifically compounded, uniform in action. No griping pain so commonly following the use of pilla- They are adapted to both adults and/children with perfect safety. We guarantee they have no equal in the cure of Headache, Constipation. Dyspepsia. Biliousness; and. as an appetizer, they exeel any other preparation. A Brooklyn girl, who is an heiress, but whose property is in care of a trust company, applied to the President for money with which to buy a sealskin sacque. He refused, on the ground that it was a luxury. The girl then applied to the Supreme Court through a lawyer for permission, and it was granted, and in less than two hours the young lady was wearing the best one she could find. The Chinese wall is the largest wall in the world. It was built by the first Emperor of the Tain dynasty, about 220 b. c. a s protection against Tartars.

Sweet Innocence.

“I never knew before that you were an artist,” said Miss Dottington to a young man of her acquintance. “An artist?” “Yes. but I should think you would try real subjects—landscapes, and so on, you know.” “Why—l must confess I don’t quite catch your meaning.” “Indeed ? It was only yesterday that papa said that you were very much given to painting the town.”—Merchant Traveler.

Card of Thanks.

If the proprietor of Kemp’s Balsam should publish a card of thanks, containing expressions of gratitude which come to him daily from those who have been cured of severe throat and lung troubles by the use of Kemp's Balsam, it would fill a fair-sized book. How much better to invite all to call on any druggist and get a free sample bottle that you may test lor yourself its power.' Large bottles 50c and SI.OO. The largest tunnel in the world is that of St. Gothard, on the line of railroad between Lucerne and Milan. The summit of the tunnel is 990 feet beneath the surface at Andermatt and 6,600 freet beneath the peak of Kastelhorn, of the St. Gothard group. The largest bell in the world is the great bell of Moscow, at the foot of the Kremlin. Its circumference at the bottom is nearly sixty-eight feet, and its height is twenty-one feet. Its weight has been computed to be 443,772 pounds.

A Weekly Magazine

is really what The Youth’s Companion Is. It publishes each year as much matter as the four-dollar monthlies, and is illustrated by the same artists. It is an educator in every home, and always an entertaining and wholesome companion. It has a unique place in American family life. If you do not know it. you will be surprised to see how much can be given for the small sum of $1.75 a year. The price sent now will entitle you to the paper to January, 1891, Address The Youth’s Companion, Boston, Mass. Political arithmetic is one of the most flexible of the sciences.— Lawrence Eagle. If you have ever used Dobbins’ Electric during the 24 years it has been sold, you know that it is the best and purest family soap made. If you haven’t tried it. ask you grocer lor it now. Don't take imitation. A syndicate of cattlemen has a perfect right-to water its stock.— Rochester Post-Express. A Sore Throat or Cough, if suffered to progress, often results in an incurable throat or Jung troub o. “Droioii's Bronchial Troches” give instant relief. Nature, like man, begins her fall by painting things red.— Boston Post.

Oregon, the Paradise of Farmers.

Mild, equallie climate, certain and abundant crops. Best fruit, grain, grana, and stock conntry in the world. Full Information free. Address the Oregon Immigration Board,Portland,Oregon. If afllicteJ with Sore Eyes, use Dr. Isaac Thompson’s Eye Water. Druggists sell it 25c. Best, easiest to use and cheapest. Pfso’s Remedy for Catarrh. By druggists. 50c. We recommend “Tansill’s Punch” Cigar.

Catarrh Is a complaint which affects nearly everybody, more or less. It originates in a cold, or succession of colds, combined with impure blood. Disagreeable flow ftom .the nose, tickling in the throat offensive breath, pain over and between the eyes, ringing and bursting noises in the ears, are the more common symptoms, Catarrh is cured by Hood's Sarsaparilla, which strikes directly at its cause by removing all impurities from the blood, building up the diseased tissues, and giving healthy tone to the yvhole system. “For several years I have been troubled with that terribly disagreeable disease, catarrh. I tool? Hood’s Sarsaparilla with the very best results.,.lt cured me of that continual dropping in my throat and stuffed-up feeling. It has also helped my. mother, who has taken it for run-down state of health and kidney troubles. I recommend, Rood’s Sarsaparilla to all as a good medicine." Mbs. S. D. Heath, Putnam, Conn. I Hood’s Sarsaparilla Sold by all druggists. $1; six for only by C. I. HOOI>& CO., Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass. (OO Doses One dollar

DADWAY'S Il READY RELIEF. THE GREAT CONQUEROR OF PAIN. For Sprains, Bruises, Backache, Pain in the Chest or Sides, Headache, Toothache, or any other external pain, a few applications rubbed on by hand act like magic, causing the pain to instantly .stop. For Congestions, Colds, Bronchitis, Pneumonia, Inflammations, Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Lumbago, Sciatica, more thorough and repeated applications are necessary. AU Internal Pains, Diarrhea, CoUc, Spasms, Nausea, Fainting Spells, Nervousness, Sleeplessness are relieved instantly, and quickly cured by taking inwardly SO to 60 drops in half a tumbler of water. 50c. a bottle. AU Druggists. DADWAY’S n PILLS, An excellent and mild Cathartic. Purely Vegetable. The Safest and best Medicine in the world for the Cure of aU Disorders of the LIVER, STOMACH OR BOWELS. Taken according to directions they wiU restore health and renew vitaUty. Price 25 cts. a Box bold by all Druggist*.

JOSEPH H. HUNTER 5 ■ TDISO’S REMEDY FOR CATARRH.—Best Easiest a to use. Cheapest. Relief is immediate.A cure is Mb certain. For Cold in the Head it has no equal. ■ It is an Ointment, of which a small particle is applied to the nostrils. Price, 50c. Sold by druggists .or sent. MIO by mail. Address, E. T. Hazeltine, Warren, Pa. M ?

TRADE RemvbWaiN CURES PERMANENTLY SPRAINS. Washington, Tex., June 26, 1888. Had suffered off and on for fifteen yean with strained back; no trouble with it now; two years ago was cured by St Jacoba OIL No return. H. CARTMELL. At Druggists and Dkalirs. THE CHARLES 8. VO6ELER CO., BaHimora. IM. A OIVK KIVJOYtS Both the method and results when Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the taste, and acts gently yet promptly on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the system effectually, dispels colds, headaches and fevers and cures habitual constipation. Syrup of Figs is the only remedy of its kind ever produced, pleasing to the taste and acceptable to the stomach, prompt in its action and truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities commend it to all and have made it the most popular remedy known. Syrup or Figs is fpr sale in 50c and $1 bottles by all leading druggists. Any reliable druggist who may hot have it on hand will procurd 1 it promptly for any one who wishes to try it Do not accept any substitute. CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO. BAN FRANCISCO, CAL. LOUISVILLE. KY. NEW YORK, N.Y.

Vflll M P II FBl Wanted to Learn Telegraphy. jUUnb InLn situations furnished. Circular* free. Address Valentine linos., Janesville.'Wi*. MENTION THIS PAl'k.K •»»> wsmsu to itqimMU. KIPPER 8 PABTILLE&Bi.S™<i: WFSMMMRMKMHBHpJh'j'ioitown, Mas*. MENTION THIS VAI'ER whss warns* TO toraanaaaa. HAMP STUDY Bookkeeping .Business Formal UmC QI UM I apeniniinsbin,Arithmetic, Short* hand, etc,., thoroughly taught by mall. Circulars free. Bryant’s Business College. Buffalo, N.Y. MENTION THIS PAPER w**s wains* to aevaatiMßS. ’ * OTJT Your Newsdealer forTH,E CHICAGO ijk LEIXjEB, the Best Story Papeb in the country. Read it. 1 UAPIP cure Blood Polson Where IVlMblu KIItILUi mercuryfaila. Ownedandfor sale only by Cook Remedy Co., Omaha, Neb. Write. MENTION THIS PAPER win. warns* to isrnnHU. ■ aaM Habit. The only certain ■ ■ |W| and easy cure. Or. J. L. ■ V stenhens. Lebanon. Ohio. MENTION THIS PAPER wuss warns* to adtsstimss. A A CAN BE CURED. /K I Iwl A trial bottle sent Free to anyone afflicted. Dn. TAFf BRO., Rochester, N.Y. 525 *N HOUR STs* BV’fkMS MEDICAL CO., Richmond, Va. CATON’S Inuil D.bilhJ sad Lmi VluUty kun. A Msmllwa Isrinnto'.naUM. h barwlMS. »T «*U. • for *L Clnulva IHs. DH. UAION, BmM. - MENTION THIS PAPER waas warns* to apvbotm***. aprilTC 111 A BITCH To handle Article every stove AuL.ll I U WAR I LU «QUlres. Retails $4.00; saves iIM per month. Must establish County Agencies. Samples sent, expressage prepAld. bn receipt ot *2.75. MOREY MFG. CO., Waukesha, Wis. MENTION THIS PAPER wnas warns* to abxsmmm*. Popham’s Asthma Specific .A Relief in T*N MINUTES. ill; I a P BTICU It. SWOYEB, M. D. FritsgnwflKMKkl >lll| I town, l*a„ writes: "1 have had •H AathniaTorSOyears; found no I relief up til I tried your SpeclJ flc, which relieved imi ImrneiMWCTfil Jf diately.” Hold by all DrugWB qy -W gist" *1 per box,by mull, post paid. trial package free. - Addrew, T. POPHAM. ~ PBnAPBLrau, Pot. Waterproof a»nd for fUnstratsd Catalogue, PV*<, A, J. Tower, Borton, FAMILY ' A warranted U. 8. Standard Family Beale, _% jjjwP 68 T "’ lnce to 244 pounds, ..■ J sent free anywhere ' •Mot price. Price list ot all sizes free. Address “JONFS. ho ■■ • p.tvs the trmk'ht.’ Binghamton, N. Y. «I prescribe and fully enJrse Big G as the only leciflc for the certain cure f this disease. ,H. INGRAHAM, M. D., Amsterdam, N. Y. We have sold Big G for lany years, and it ha* given the best of satisfaction. D. R. DYCHE 4 CO., Chicago, lIL 1.00. Sold by Druggist*. C.M.U. Nb.~47-89 WHEN WRITING . TO- ADVERTISERS, I«.P lease • a * yo “ Baw th ® advertisement In this paper.