Democratic Sentinel, Volume 13, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 November 1889 — Page 7

Doing the Drummers.

There were five or six of us drummers out of Chicago who used to bring up in Cairo in a bunch on Sunday, and one of the gang was a billiard expert. I don’t mean that he could have held liis own with the big guns, but he was way above the common, and runs of irom thirty to fifty were every-day things with him. He used to dress up as a farmer, steamboat man, or cattlebuyer, enter a billiard parlor, and after fooling' around for a while he would catch a sucker and stick him for the drinks all around. Nearly all the boys in Cairo had got on to his game, when one night we dropped into O’Neil’s as a sort of cleaning up. Our man was disguised as a machinist, having greasy clothes and grease on his hands, and when a proper opening occurred he put himself forw r ard. No •one seemed to suspect him, and he certainly handled his cue like a greenhorn. When he announced his desire to try a game, a man who looked like a river pilot was put forward. He clawed off for a while, and finally said he never played except for money. Our Jim didn’t dare give himself away, “but four or five of us offered to bank on him to the extent of a hundred dollars. It was more of a bluff on our part, •we found takers right off, and had to put up the long green. It wa3 to be the best two out of three, and of •course Jim played off on the first. Five was the highest run he made, while the pilot seemed to be doing his best and made one of thirteen. Jim was thirty-five when the stranger went •out, and, believing we had sized up our victim, we put up another hundred. Jim got the first shot on the new game, and, as our money was up, he played for all that was in him. His first run was thirty-seven, and we were tickled all over. Then the stranger took hold and ran forty-two, but Jim ran the ;game out on his next shot. This made a game apiece, and the pilot won the “bank.” He started off very easy, kept the balls well together, and, after he had counted up to eightysevqn, he halted and asked Jim if he wanted any more. Jim didn’t. Neither did the rest of us. We tried to get out gracefully, but the whole crowd gave us the laugh and the information that the pilot was the expert of Chicago, brought down there on purpose to take us down a peg and keep us hard up financially for the next ten years.— New York Sun.

Funny Men in Political Life.

The late S. S. Cox lamented somedimes that he had a reputation for being a “funny man.” It interfered with his effectiveness when he wanted to be particularly earnest and impressive. It annoyed him on such occasions to realize that his auditors Avere waiting, mouths stretched, for the expected joke, when he was endeavoring to speak in all seriousness upon a subject that he had much at heart. But this has been the penalty all humorists have paid when in public life. Tom Corwin, of Ohio, Senator, and Minister to Mexico, was the funniest stump speak•er this country has ever produced, but he regretted in his later years that he had ever been a funny man. He advised young men with political ambitions to suppress humorous tendencies in speech-making, and Garfield is said to have profited by the advice, for in early life he had displayed that tendency. “The world builds no monuments to funny men,” Corwin used to say, mournfully. “If you would suceeed be solemn —solemn as an ass.” Senator Morton of Indiana, the war Governor, as he was called during the fratricidal struggle, scarcely cracked a joke during his later years, though he had quite a reputation for wit as a young man. One of the earliest speeches that he made after becoming a politician was in Terre Haute, Ind., u,nd it was irresistibly funny from end to end, and the people laughed “consumedly.” But Morton saw that that wouldn’t do. He argued that a politician who goes into wit as a general thing must expect to sacrifice everything else for it. He will gain little reputation as a sound man. He will never get very high in honors. People •will say that he is a good “stumper,” but his judgment will be a thing of suspicion. People will dislike to trust him. They will not deem the author of witty sayings capable of ‘Originating large, solid measures. So Morton dropped funny speech-making, but he Avon his next audience by the matchless power of his oratory. And yet, had there been no “ Sunset” Cox in our public life, American literature and the American forum would have been the loser. —Texas Siftings.

Undoubtedly Healthy.

“Is this house healthy?” said the prospective tenant to the real estate man. “Healthy? Well I should say so.” “You speak very positive.” “Yes, I have a right to. The last family in it had the small-pox, from the father to the youngest baby, and not one of them died.” —Merchant Traveler. A Wheeling dry goods man complaining of business, said: “Not a Tvoman has crossed that door for two hours.” The listener said, half in jest, that plenty would cross it if it was freshly painted. The shopkeeper tried it, and fifteen women flocked in past the paint as soon as it was on. Two “breeches” Bibles dated 1610, in an excellent state of preservation, belonging to Rev. G. Pratt, late incumbent of St. Margaret’s, Herts, were sold by auction at Hertford, England, -and fetched 70s and 50s, respectively.

How to Become a Capitalist.

Somebody must save money, and the people who save it will be the capitalists, and they will control the organization of industry and receive the larger share of the profits. If the workingmen will save their money, they may be not only sharers of profits but owners of stock and receivers of dividends, says Washington Gladden. And the workmen can save their money if they will. It is the only way they can permanently and surely improve their condition. Legislative reforms, improved industrial methods may make the way easier for them, but there, is no road to comfort and independence, after all, but the plain old path of steady work and sober savings. If the working people of this country would save for the next five years the money that they spend on beer and tobacco and base-ball, they could control a large share of the capital employed in the industries by which they get a living, and they could turn the dividends of this capital from the pockets of the money-lender into their own. There is no other way of checking the congestion of wealth, and of promoting its diffusion, so expeditious, so certain, and so beneficent as this. I wish the working people would try it.

Entirely Helpless to Health.

The above statement made by Mrs. 8. H. Ford, wile of Gen. Ford, can be vouched for by nearly the entire population of Corunna. Mich., her home for years. She was for two years a terrible sufferer from rheumatism, being confined to her bed most of the time, her feet and limbs being so badly swollen she could scarcely move. She was induced to try a bottle of Hibbard’s Rheumatic Syrup. It helped her, and two additional bottles entirely cured her. To-day she is a well woman. First ask your druggist; should he not keep it, we will send on receipt of price, $1 per bottle or six for $5. Rheumatic Syrup Co. Jackson, Mich.

The Dog Did Not Understand English.

Paul Moutonnier is the proud owner of a very fine dog and he loves that dog as he loves his life. Some time ago Paul made a trip to the Pacific coast, and he cast about for some good friends who would care for his canine pet Avhile he was aAvay. He at last found a good man and he went away happy in the thought that his dog Avould be . well taken care of. Some weeks later he returned to Chicago, and his first move was to call for his dog. “For heaven’s sake take him away!” cried the friend as Paul appeared, “and don’t leave him with me again. Why didn’t you tell me that the dog couldn’t understand English ? I can’t speak French and he didn’t heed a Avoid I said to him.” Paul had always commanded the dog in French, and, as his friend said, he did not understand or heed English commands. He had been in the pound three times and had cost his temporary keeper something like S2O during his oAvner’s absence. He advised Paul to send his canine to night school.— Chicago Herald. State of Ohio, City of Toledo, i Lucas County, SS. f Frank J. Cheney makes oath that he is the senior partner of the firm of F. 0. Cheney & Co., doing business in the City of Toledo, Conntv and B.ate aforesaid, and that Baid firm -will pav the sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS f r each and every case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by the use of Hall’s Catarrh Cure. FRANK J. CHENEY. Sworn to before me and subscribed in my presence, this 6th day of December, A. D., 18S6. . . A. W. GLEASON. -j seal. J- Notary Public. Hall’s Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and acts directly npon the blood and mucus surfaces of the system. Send for testimonials, free. F. J, CHENEY & CO., Toledo, Ohio. fWSold by druggists, 75 cents.

He Took a Copy.

Snagsby, in his office (to trim-look-ing book agent)—We don’t want any of your blarsted literature here. Git out! Agent—l thought you might want a copy of “How to Be Happy Though Married.” Snagsby—Hold! I’ll subscribe for my wife. She’s been wanting that book these ten years.— Drake's Magazine.

The Fruit of Violence.

In no case is the folly of violence in medication more conspicuously shown by its fruit than in the effect upon the intestines of excessive purgation. The stomach and bowels are first painfully griped, then the latter is copiously, suddenly and repeatedly evacuated. This is far beyond the necessities of the case, most unnatural, excessively debilitating. Tbe organs are incapacitated from resuming their function with normal moderation. An astringent is resorted to which reduces them to their former condition of inaction. To this monstrous and harmful absurdity, Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters is the happy alternative. It relaxes gently, naturally, sufficiently, it diverts bile from the blood into its proper channel, it insures healthful digestion and complete assimilation. It is a complete defense against malaria, and conquers rheumatism, neuralgia, nervousness, kidney and bladder trouble. Down in Nashville, Tenn., they devised a shrewd arrangement for enabling voters who could not read to place their cross in the right place on the ballot of the Australian system, They had tin plates made just the size of the ballots, and with slots cut in them at such intervals that the open spaces would come over those names which the voter desired to cross. A young lawyer of Nashville invented the device the night before the election.

If the Sufferers from Consumption,

Scrofula and General Debility will try Scott’s Emulsion of Cod Liver Oil, with Hypophosphites, they will find immediate relief and a permanent benefit. Dr. H. V. Mott, Brentwood, Cal., writes: “I have used Scott’s Emulsion with great advantage in cases of Phthisis, Scrofula, and Wasting Diseases. It is very palatable.” Sold by Druggists. Ed Lansing, of Troy, recently killed a buck that weighed over 320 pounds. This was the largest deer shot in the Adirondacks this season.

A Pretty Railroad Conductor.

“A few days ago I was going out from Denver, Col., on the Denver and Rio Grande Railroad,” said a veteran conductor to an Appeal reporter yesterday, “when I was thrown in company with a lady that opened my eyes, conductor as I was. She was a petite brunette who had the vim and manner of what I would call a manly woman. Not impulsive and given to erratic spells, but purely a woman given by nature to manhood’s ways. This lady was a conductor on a branch train tapping our line, and she was the first female I ever knew acting in that capacity But you must not think that she was at all slow in meeting all demands, for while she had her range and could go just so far, to that extent she did her work superbly. She collected fares and punched tickets like a man, but when it came to putting some fellow off because of his failure to comply with the requirements of the railroad company it was her custom to call on a man to do the work. The brakeman on the train was usually present to obey her commands, but I have known cases where passengers were called on to put other passengers off the train.” —Memphis Appeal.

It Doesn’t Pay

To experiment with uncertain remedies, when afflicted with any of the ailments for which Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery is recommended, as it is so positively certain in its curative effects as to warrant its manufacturers in guaranteeing it to benefit or cure, or money paid for it is returned. It is warranted to cure all blood, skin and scalp disoases, salt rheum, totter, and all scofulous sores and swellings, as well as consumption (which is scrofula of the lungs). if taken in time and given a fair trial. Don’t hawk, hawk, blow, spit, and disgust everybody with your offensive breath, but use Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy and end it.

Simply Mimetic.

If you will take a sharpened stick and drive it into the ground a number of times, in a spot which is prolific with worms, and then tap on the ground with the stick for a few minutes, you will find that the worms will come to the surface, and that they will come up through the holes which you have made, I account for it by the supposition that the tapping of the stick somehow affects the worms the same as the patter of rain, and it is a well-known fact that worms come to the surface of the ground when it rains.

FARMERS’ NATIONAL CONGRESS.

Montgomery, Ala., November 13 to 10. For this occasion the Chicago and Eastern Illinois Railroad (Evansville route) will sell excursion tickets at reduced rates. Two daily fast trains. Nashville Fast Line leaves Chicago (Polk Street Depot) at 3:50 p. m.. arriving in Nashville 7:10 o’clock tho following morning, and in Montgomery 7p. m. Tnis train has first-class coaches and Pullman Palace Buffet Sleeping Cars through to Nashville. Night Fast Express leaves at 11:15 p. m. It has baggage car, smoking car, first-class coaches, and Pullman Palace Sleeping Car, and runs solid to Nashville, arriving there at 4:30 p. m., and at Montgomery2:2so'clock the following morning. For further Information address Chicago and Eastern Illinois Railroad Ticket Office, 64 Clark street, or William Hill, General Passenger and Ticket Agent, Chicago, 111. An animal supposed to be a bear is prowling around Taunton, Mass. A night or two ago it raided a dairyman’s farm, upset his milk cans, hnd had a fight with his dog. He fired a shot at the intruder, but didn’t shoot straight, and the brute made off unharmed.

Hibbard’s Rheumatic and Liver Pills.

These Pills are scientifically compounded, uniform in action. No griping pain so commonly following the use of pills. They are adapted to both adults and children with perfect safety. We guarantee they have no equal in the cure of Sick Headache, Constipation, Dyspepsia, Biliousness; and. as an appetizer, they excel any other preparation. A gross liar is one who tells twelve lies per day for twelve days.— Austin Statesman.

The Excitement Not Over.

The rush on the druggists still continues, and daily scores of people call for a bottle of Kemp’s Balsam for the Throat and Lungs for the cure of Coughs, Colds, Bronchitis, Asthma and Consumption. Kemp's Balsam, the standard family remedy, is sold on a guarantee and never fails to give entire satisfaction. Price 50c and sl. Trial size free. It takes a pretty woman to find out how nice a mean man can be.— Atchison Globe. ___ If every woman knew for herself the actual quality of Dobbins’ Electric Soap, no other washing soap could bo sold. Millions do use it. but other millions have never triedit. Have you! Ask your grocer for it. Justice is like a girl embraced behind the shutter —blind-folded.

Catarrh in the Head Originates in scrofulous taint in the blood. Hence the proper method by which to cure catarrh is to purify the blood. Its many disagreeable symptoms, and the danger of developing into bronchitis or that terribly fatal disease consumption, are entirely removed by Hood’s Sarsaparilla, which cures catarrh by purifying the blood; it also tones up the syt-tem and greatly improves the general health. Try the “peculiar medicine.” “For 13 years I have been troubled with catarrh in the bead. Indigestion, and general debility. I never had faith in such medicines, but concluded to try a bottle of Hood’s Sarsaparilla. It did me so much good that I continued its use till I have taken five bottles. My health has greatly improved and I feel like a different woman.” Mbs. 3. B. Adams, 8 Richmond St., Newark, N. 3. “I have used Hood’s Sarsaparilla for catarrh with very satisfactory results. I received more permanent benefit from it than from aDy other remedy I ever tried.” M. E. Read, of A. Read & Son, Wauseon, Ohio. Hood’s Sarsaparilla Sold by all druggists. $1: six for |3. Prepared only by C. I. HOOD & CO- Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass. i 100 Doses One Dollar

Did You Read

the large advertisement of The Youth’s Companion which wo published last week? This remarkable paper has the phenomenal circulation of 430,000 copies weekly. No other journal is more welcomed by old and young in the families throughout the land. The publishers make a special offer once a year, and to all who subscribe now will send the paper free to Ja.uiary 1. 1890. and for a full pear from that date. The subscription price is $1.75. Address The Youth’s Companion, Boston, Mass. A large bear was killed by some hunters in Clearfield County, Pennsylvania, recently. Its carcass weighed 470 pounds.

Oregon, the Paradise of Farmers.

Mild, equable climate, oertain and abundant crops. Best fruit, grain, grass, and Btock oountry in the world. Full information free. Address the Oregon Immigration Board,Portland, Oregon. Bronchitis is cured by frequent small doses of Piso’s Cure for Consumption. Smoke the best—Tansill’s Punch* Cigar.

■ ■ | —1 Habit. The only certain | )U| I I IVI and easy cure. Dr. J. 1.. Vi • W .Stephen*. Lebanon. Ohio. MENTION THIS PAPER whin ,imu To iDtutum OAC All lIAIIR made by oar Agents. \/n All nUun the dr. pekkins yfcw MEDICAL CO.. Richmond, Va. || 1 p 11» nr|| Pny Will cure Blood Poison where mHuIU iVLItILU I mercury falls. Ownedandfor sale only by Cook Remedy Co., Omaha, Neb. Write. >IKNTION THIS PATER whin wkitinu to idvutium. Ely’s Cream Balm KJ.uaJH will cure CATARRH I^Pric^Bt^Cents^J Apply Balm into each nostril. ELY BROS.. 56 WarreuSt- N-.Y----DADWAY’S II READY RELIEF. THE GREAT CONQUEROR OF PAIN. For Sprains, Bruises, Backache, l’aln in the Chest or Sides, Headache, Toothache, or any other external pain, a lew applications rubbed on by hand act like magic, causing the pain to instantly stop. For Congestions, Colds, Bronchitis, Pneumonia, Inflammations, Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Lumbago, Sciatica, more thorough and repeated applications are necessary. All Internal Pains, Diarrhea, Colic, Spasms, Nausea, Fainting Spells, Nervousness, Sleeplessness are relieved instantly, and quickly cured by taking inwardly SO to 00 drops lit half a tumbler of water. 50c. a bottle, AU Druggists. DAD WAY’S n PILLS, An excellent and mild Cathartic. Purely Vegetable. The Safest and best Medicine In the world for the Cure of all Disorders of the LIVER, STOMACH OR BOWELS. Taken according to directions they will restore health and renew vitality. Price 25 cts. a Box. bold by all Druggists.

V ] r jr *1 ir \ V’/A *. I • Stir 9j Vy? V< y if I w \ I VHU 1 \V Ar |y • I ft I \ /g C \\\ \ WJr /ffS \ ifc\V V J 4 i jw x j—,-i _ f xwi v ‘* >r Sttv FROM SAVAGE TO CIVILIZATION.

SWIFT'S SPECIFIC is a simple vegetable compound prepared from roots freshly gathered from the forests. The formula was obtained from the Creek Indians by the whites who had witnessed the wonderful cures of blood diseases made by that tribe. It has been used since 1829, and has been the greatest blessing to mankind in curing diseases of the blood, in many instances after all other remedies had failed.

Treatise on Blood and Skin Diseases mailed free. The Swift Specific Co., Drawer 8. Atlanta, Ga. JOSEPH H. HUNTERTm^jj ■ pISO’S REMEDY FOR CATARRH.—Best. Easiest Wm a to use. Cheapest. Relief is immediate. A cure is Hg§ certain. For Cold in the Head it has no equal. H

CATARRH 1

It is an Ointment, of which a small particle is applied t-j to the nostrils. Price, 50c. Sold by druggists or seat jijjpr SSH by mail. Address, E. T. Hazeltine, Warren, Pa. f*pl

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Swift’s Specific cured me of terrible Tetter, from which I bad suffered for twenty long years. I ha vs now been entirely well for five years, and no sign of any return of the disease. Rogers, Ark., May 1,1889. W. H. Wight. One bottle of 8.8.8. cured my son of bolls ana risings, which resulted from malarial poison, and affected him all the summer. He had treatment from five doctors, who failed to benefit him. Cavafial, Indian Ter. J. B. Wish. I have taken Swift’s Specific for secondary blood poison, and derived great benefit. It acts much better than potash, or any other remedy that I have ever used. B.F. Wingfield, M.D., Richmond, Va.

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