Democratic Sentinel, Volume 13, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 October 1889 — Page 7

ONE ON THE GENERAL.

The Lieutenant Was a Little Too Clever for Him. A general, with plenty of time on his hands, one day stood at the win'dow to watch the people passing in the 'street. While thus engaged, he noticed one of his officers who was without a sword—a grave misdemeanor! “Fll make him smart for this!” the general exclaimed. “Ten minutes’ cross-examination and a month’s arrest.” The lieutenant meanwhile approached, all unconscious of the impending storm. When he was within earshot, the general called out: “Sir, come up here; I want to speak to you!” The officer looked up and perceived his superior; he remembered that he had left his sword at home, and knew what to expect. Unfortnately there was no means of escape, and he had to face the difficulty as best he might. The general’s face was beaming with delight. He had found an opportunity of enforcing the discipline while smoking his weed. The lieutenant stepped 'into the house, and, in passing through the ante-room, he espied the sword of an orderly hanging on the wall. “The very thing!” he exclaimed, and buckling on the sword, he assumed an air of innocence and opened the inner door, saying: “You have done me the honor to call me, general.” “Yes, I wanted to ask you— Bigrei Why, the fellow has a sword,” the general muttered to himself, as the smile faded from his countenance. “Whatever was it I was going to ask you—Ah! I remember now; about your family—your father, how is he ?” “If he could but know the interest you take in him he would feel highly flattered; unfortunately he died twenty years ago!” The general stared at his unwilling visitor in speechless amazement. “Then there is nothing else you have to say to me ?” “Ma foi, no!” the general answered. “Only never go out without your sword; I should have been compelled to place you under arrest if you had left it at home.” “Peste! 11l take good care I don’t. See here!” and the young man coolly ’displayed the arm which was dangling from his waist. “Yes, I see it’s all right, my friend: you may go.” The officer promptly availed himself of the permission. He saluted the general, and on his way through the ante-room hung the sword on its peg. ; He then left the house. The general had resinned his former post at the window. The next minute he called his wife. “I say, look at that young officer who is walking away from the house.” ■ “I see him distinctly.” “Is he wearing a sword?” “No!” “There you are mistaken. He looks as if he isn’t and has one all the time.” The wife made no remark. She is in the habit of taking her husband at his word. As for the officer he was never again seen in public without his saber.— Le Rappel.

By Chance.

One of those incidents which present a truth stranger than fiction occurred, not long ago, in a New England State. An ajnateur photographer, wandering about the country in search of material for his camera, came upon a deserted farm-house, dilapidated and picturesque. Just as he had arranged his apparatus to take a photograph of the house, the front door was opened, and a man appeared from within. The contrast between his trim appearance and the general air of decay about him only heightened the effect. “Stand where you are,” cried the artist, “and I’ll take your picture.” The man complied, and the picture was taken. Then the two men, approaching each other, fell into conversation, and the one who had appeared in the doorway explained his presence there.

“I’m just on from the West,” he said, “and father and mother wouldn’t be satisfied to let me come till I promised to look up the old homestead. They left it before I was born, and it has passed into other hands and fallen into decay, as you see, but there’s nothing they wouldn’t give to set eyes on the old place once more. So I’ve been prowling about, in every hole and corner, from garret to shed, in ordeY to answer all their questions.” “We can do better for them than that,” said the artist, struck by a happy thought, “If you will give me their address, I will send them the photograph I have just taken, as soon as it ■can be finished.”

The young man w-as, of course delighted, and, a little later, the “old folks at home” were still more so, for one morning’s mail brought them a photograph of the old house, sorely changed but still precious, and in the doorway of it stood their son, for whom they had begun to “weary” during his long absence.

Bustles Going Out.

Miss Kuntrified (to dry-goods clerk) —Have you got any bustles ? Clerk—A few. Bustles are going out, you know. “They be ? Gracious, if they go out much further, we girls will have to stand up all the time.”

A foot-measubing machine has been invented by a Lynn shoe manufacturer. With it, it is said, a Chicago girl’s foot can be measured in less than half an hour by the watch.

Deserved to Live.

He was only a stable boy, as hardened and unholy as they make them, yet he was an immense favorite with patron and proprietor alike at the Monmouth track, and especially with his fellows of the Morris stables, says the New' York Sun. Recently stricken with a very grievous disease, yesterday his physician told him that medicine and science could do nothing more for him. While quickly realizing that he was fast covering the homestretch of life, with the death wire, as it were, plainly visible, the ruling passion in the confiding and always courageous youth Uius portrayed itself: •What’s my chances. Doc ?” “Not worth mentioning, my boy.” “One in twentv, vou s’pose?” “Oh, no.” “In thirtv?” “No.” “Fifty, then?” “I think not.” “A hundred?” “W—well, perhaps there might be one in a hundred.” “I say then, Doc,” pulling the medicine man close dow n to him and whispering with feeble earnestness in his ear, “just you go in, do yer best, and put everything on der one living chance.”

What Everybody Says

must be true, and the universal verdict of those who have used Hibbard’s Rheumatic Syrup and Strengthening Piasters is that there is no doubt of their curative qualities. E. Larzelere, agent M. C. R. R., Albion, Mich., says “he was cured of Bright’s disease" by the use of Hibbard’s Rheumatic Syrup. Mrs. M. E. Jones, Prairie City, lowa, says: “For three vears I have been afflicted with inflammatory rheumatism and kidney and liver troubles. I have taken Hibbard’s Rheumatic Syrup and applied their Plasters over my stomach an dr am entirely cured. It is the greatest remedy that I have ever used.” First ask your druggist; should he not keep it. we will send on receipt of price. $1 per bottle or six for $5. Rheumatic Syrup Co., Jackson, Mich.

Woman’s Rule.

He was lecturing on “Woman’s Bule,” and he asked the question, “How many men are there present to-night who are run by their wives ?” About three-quarters of the men stood up. “And now’,” he said, “how many are present who are run by their wives and who are afraid to acknowledge it ?” All the rest of the men were on their feet in an instant.

Unjust Taxation.

It is unjust to tax the stomach with burthens that it cannot bear. Many silly people thus tyrannize that faithful servitor until it rebels and punishes them as they deserve. Dyspepsia is usually the child of gastronomic folly, but whether this or the natural associate of inherent feebleness from childhood, it is surely and pleasantly remediable with Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, the finest and most highly sanctioned gastric tonic in existence. As a result of the tone imparted to the stomach, and the increased activity of its digestive and assimilative action, insured by the persistent use of this benign invigorant, general stamina is augmented, the nerves strengthened and tranquilized, and a tendency to insomnia and hypochondriasis defeated. Biliousness, chills and fever, rheumatism and kidney troubles are conquered by this admirable medicine.

Saved a Life.

Solomon Isaackson—Haf you heard the news, Shacob, dot I has safed dhose lifes oaf Reuben Cohen dhis morning alretty? “Nein, mine friendt, how was dot ?” “He fell off de dock und couldn’t schwim.” “Und you schumped in und helluped him out ?” “Ach, du lieber! I schreams, ‘Come oud und I pays you dot $lO I owe you,’ und he climbs dot water out like a doock.”— Time.

To-Night and To-Morrow Night,

And each day and night during this week you can get at all druggists’ Kemp’s Balsam for the Throat and Lungs, acknowledged to be the most successful remedy ever sold for the cure of Coughs, Croup, Bronchitis, Whooping Cough, Asthma and Consumption. Get a bottle to-day and keep it always in the house, so you can check your cold at once. Price 50c and SI.OO. Sample bottle free.

He Was Against Horse Cars.

“It’s not far,” said, a Chicago man to a visitor, “catch that street car and it will take you directly to the place.” “Much obliged, but I have made it a rule not to travel by horse cars.” “Why is that?” “Because I found that in almost every instance by the time I had caught the car I had covered about two-thirds of the distance to my destination.”— Merchant Traveler.

A Kindly Feeling.

“There is a great deal of sympathy in that game,” said an old man as he sat watching some children play “blind man’s buff” on the green. “Why so?” said his friend. “Because they are always feeling for their fellow-man.”— American Commercial Traveler.

The Difficulty Experienced

In taking Cod Liver Oil is entirely overcome in Scott’s Emulsion of Cod Liver Oil and Hypophosphites. It is as palatable as milk, and the most valuable remedy that has ever been prdduced for the cure of Consumption, Scrofula and Wasting Diseases. Do not fail to try it We have great respect for the penetration of the man who discovers good qualities in us. Is rr economy to save a few cents buying a cheap soap or strong washing powder, and lose dollars in ruined, rotted clothes? If not, use Dobbins’ Electric Soap, white as snow and as pure. Ask your grocer for it Dootob —l see little Will has fully recovered. Mother—Oh, yes, Doctor, little Bill was cured by your big bill.

The Fly Was There.

“ A funny thing occurred here the other day,” said a barber, as he was putting the finishing touches on a Saturday evening haircut. “A fellow came to be shaved who was somewhat under the influence of intoxicants. He took his seat in the chair and all proceeded well till I had shaved one side of his face, when he stopped me: ‘Hold on, I want the thing ’splained.’ “I asked him what was the matter, and he replied: ‘There’s a fly on my cheek, and you have shaved the lather and whisker off, but the fly didn’t move. Now, what’s'the mazzer with him?’ “I told him there was no fly on him, but he pointed to the mirror and said: ‘You think I can’t see him. I ain’ so drunk that I can’t see a fly.’ “All right—w’hat is it ?” “I turned to the glass, and there stood the fly on the mirror and in such a position that from my customer’s rangejof vision it seemed to be on his cheek. He afterward said that he had felt that fly tickling him all the time, and wondered how I pould shave under it and not cut its legs off.”— Utica Observer.

A New Departure

From ordinary business methods is made by the manufacturers of Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery, in guaranteeing this' world-famed remedy to cure all diseases arising from derangements of the liver or stomach, as Indigestion, or dyspepsia, biliousness, or “liver complaint," or from impure blood, as boils, blotches, pimples, eruptions, scalp disease, salt-rheum, scrofulous sores, and swellings and kindred ailments. Money paid for “Discovery" promptly returned if, on fair trial, it doesn't cure. Don’t hawk, hawk, blow, spit, and disgust everybody with your offensive breath, but use Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy and end it.

One Name Unloved.

Alfred (to Mormon) How many wives have you ? Mormon—Twenty-six; one for every letter of the alphabet. Alfred—Would you mind giving me their names ? Mormon—Not at all: Amy, Belinda, Clara, Dollie, Elsie, Fanny, Gertrude, Hattie, lima, Jennie, Kitty, Lulu, Marie, Nora, Olga, Polly, Queenie, Rose, Sally, Teresa, Ulma, Tenie, Wilhelmina, Yedda and Zerlina. Alfred—No X? Mormon—Yes, one not living. My first wife’s name was Xantippe.— Epoch.

Hibbard’s Rheumatic and Liver Pills.

These Pills are scientifically compounded, uniform in action. No griping pain so commonly following the use of pills. They are adapted to both adults ana children with perfect safety. We guarantee they have no equal in the cure of Sick Headacne, Constipation. Dyspepsia. Biliousness; and, as an appetizer, they excel any other preparation. In 1765, among the greatest English advocates of the right to tax America internally were Grenville, Bute, Bedford and Mansfield; and their opponents, friends to liberty, were Pitt, Barre and Conway.

Weak Women Owe to themselves a duty to take Hood’s Sarsapaparilia, in View of the great relief it has given those who suffer from ailments pecuUar to the sex. By purifying the blood, regulating important organs, strengthening the nerves, and toning the whole system, it restores to health. “I have been for years trying to get help for that terrible general debility and weakness so common to women. Within a year I have taken ten or twelve bottles of Hood’s Sarsaparilla, and the benefit derived from its use has been very great. I am now feeling like a new creature.” Mbs. F. B. Ross, Marlin, Texas. Hood’s Sarsaparilla Sold by all druggists. $1; six for $5. Prepared oily by C. I. HOOD & CO., Lowell, Mass. ICO Doses One Dollar

JOSEPH H. HUNTER ,

to* fclMlql LEADS-THE: RACE"

All the old potash, mercury and sarsaparilla mixtures left far behind. S. S. S. never fails to cure. This magic remedy builds the system up instead of tearing it down, If you have ever had blood disease, don’t fail to take S. 8. 8. If you have ever taken mercury and potash, get it out of your system by using Swift’s Specific. The Best in the World. I think Swift’s Specific is the best blood remedy in the world. I have known it to make some wonderful cures of patients who were considered incurable. D. M. Gbayson, Crowville, La.

Ireadae on Blood and Skin Diseases mailed free. Thb Swift Specific Co., Drawer 3, Atlanta, Ga.

”flr<rr enjoyment and not sorrow Is our destined end or way: But to act that each to-morrow Find us farther than to-day." The sentiment so aptly expressed by the poet ought to sound like a trumpet to every sluggish soul, and animate them to new ana vigorous efforts to improve their condition. To all those who have the desire to preps forward, but who are not sure of the way, we say. write to B. F. Johnson & Co., Richmond, Va., and they will be of service to you.

A Beautiful Picture Free.

For a 2-cent stamp (to pay postage and wrapping) we will mail a panel photogravure of our popular picture. “Kissing at Seven. Seventeen, and Seventy." Address the makers of the great anti-bile remedy, “Bile Beans,” J. F. Smith & Co,, St Louts, Missouri.

Oregon, the Paradise of Farmers.

Mild, equable climate, certain and abundant crops. Best fruit, grain, grass, and stock country in the world. Full information free. Address the Oregon Immigration Board,Portland, Oregon. Ask your druggist for “Tansill’s Punch.’

STJACOBS OH For Sciatica.

" 1 JH/Fi ZST" “Ib-day cured!— Yesterday Crippled At Druggists and Dealers. THE CHARLES A. VOGELER CO., Baltimore, MA

RADWAY'S Il READ! RELIEF. THE GREAT CONQUEROR OF PAIN, Applied externally, instantly relieves Sprains, Bruises, Backache, Fain in the Chest or Sides, Headache, Toothache, or any other external pain, CONGESTIONS, INFLAMMATIONS, Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Lumbago, Sciatica, Pains in the Small of the Back, etc. CURES All SUMMER COMPLAINTS, Cramps, Spasms, Sour Stomach, Nausea, Vomiting, Heartburn, DIAKKHIEA, Colic, Cholera Morbus. Fainting Spells. Internally, half to a teaspoonful in half a tumbler of water. 50c. a bottle. All Druggists.

DADWAY’S n PILLS, An excellent and mild Cathartic. Purely Vegetable. The Safest and best Medicine in the world for the Cure of all Disorders of the LIVER, STOMACH OR BOWELS. Taken according to directions they will restore health and renew vitality. Price 25 ct«. a Box. bold by all Druggists. r*DII UlirnMQ- B « B t Wagon made *SO. BugrßHnl tIHUUnU gies, Carriages. Harness, etc., I at I *, price. Send for list. CHICAfiOSCiLE CO., ckleag*. MENTION THIS PAPER wsbn warn., to lorirnuu. IIRPIP Drum V WHI cure Blood Poison where lunblu nLmLU I mercury fails. Owned and for sale only by Cook Remedy Co., Omaha, Neb. Write. MENTION THIS PAPER «»•» varrmi to KIDDER’S WWTUSBSS: r «rleito wn, Mass. ICXNTION THIS PAPER wmbn wbitinb to abtbbtmbms. H ATOM’S FRENCH VITALIZERS. UM I Uli V Muir Vlfor, ud th. uly Ufltlm.i. Bpwi«a fa. Sazul D.biUtj u 4 Lox Vitalii, k«wi. A MarraUraa lavltrraur. •ollie h tenaluk Sr aaU. ■>. « far gb. Ciraalan frw. DR. cAoN, BmM. MENTION THIS PAPER vmm waenaa to xpraanaaaa. * Watßrjroof x JSL Sand for llhirtratad Catalogue, yw., A. J, Tower, Borton,

Swift’s Specific entirely cured me of a severe case of blood poison which obstinately resisted and refused to be cured for over 26 years. The regular medical remedies of mercury and potash only added fuel to the flame. I suffered during most of this long time with ulcers, blotches and sores of the most offensive character, and was for a long time practically an invalid. In less than thirty days use of 8.8. 8.1 was all cleared up sound and well. This has beqp nearly a year ago, and no sign of any return of the old enemy. John B. Willis, 87 Clark Street, Atlanta, Ga. I have seen Swift’s Specific used, and known of many cases of the worst form of blood diseases which have been cured by it. I know the proprietors to be gentlemen of the highest type and utmost reliability. I recommend it as a great blood remedy, unequaled by anything that I know of. M. B. Whabton, Pastor Ist Baptist Church, Montgomery, Ala. TWO BOTTLES. Two bottles of Swift’s Specific cured «-e of a bad condition of my blood, from whi<> suffered for 18 months. I had blotches .ad sores which were painful and troublesome. 8. 8. 8. is much better than potash and mercury, mixtures, and I recommend it above all blood remedies. E. D. Compton, Homeland, Va.

Elfs Cream Balm WILL CURE Catarrh|B| Apply Balm into each nostril. ELY BROS.. 5* Warren Bt.. N. Y. 1 AA Family Scale,Brass Beam andScoA worth |5. Chicago Scale Co., ChieagoTS MENTION THIS PAPER vhbbm wairuia r tthriir— A DAY. Agents Medicated Elee111 tricitv cures catarrh, colde.&c, Samp, bv mail UlU’-Sc. Cat. Free. E. E. Brewster, Welly, Mich. ROAD MENTION THIS PAPXR ww< .aawe TO i 6 . s <.uHF , . l !El Send of bOOO articles at one-half MACHIRt slll price. Chicago Scale Co., Chicago, 111. MENTION THIS PAPER wm«n wbiyui* tw K A month AND board pahl ArAel commiseioa and 30 DAYS’ VnilNC II F N Wanted to Learn Telegraphy. I UUIt 0 In LU Situations furnished. Circulars free. Address Valentine Bros., Janesville. Win. MENTION THIS exrER wsax vatrixe TO uuraußL MENTION THIS PAPER waax wamaa to mainuu. $25 11.!!?! 1 ? j®®* NjrfcWF MEDIC Alm CO.. Richmond, Va. HO* th ° ro «Rhly taught by mail. Circulars College, Buffalo, N.Y. mrfNTION THIS PAPER wmbn wamne r® AtritruiM. A&TI4M A CAN BE CURED. ■ II Iwl A trial bottle sent Free to anyone afflicted. Da. TAFT BRO., Rochester, N.Y.' | I M H«bit. The only eertadeF i I JMI I J Iwl and easy cure. Dr. J. L. WFI ■V ■ Stephens, Lebanon. Ohio. MENTION THIS PAPER <■» wamae to aeraanaiu. DACE DAI I CHADWICK’S MANUAL □Aot BALL itaii-tj 0 *'?.?!- SENT FREE g l « p “b7.dXr&”“ THEODORE HOLUHO. P. 0. Box 120. PhlloOa., Px. HIGHLAND PARK, ILL., NORTHWKHTEKN MILITARY ACADEMY, Prepares for College, the Government Academies, and Business. Send for Catalogue. ■ Plso’s Remedy for Catarrh is the M Best, Easiest to Use, and Cheapest S ■ Sold by druggists or sent bymaltH 80c. E. T. Hazeltlne, Warren, Pa. W

ASTHMA. jKgLjy Popham’s Asthma Specific, ifflk Belief in ten minutes. /laMfinLdW 1B Ml W.M, Glkohohn, Gardner. ■ 1 111., writes : "I have not liad yssHMt® l l ° Kit un hour for three ■BMmMF fl years. I hope the man that KkP£ ‘iß'AftsW invented the Si'Kj ino mar have < verlasting lite and VHHBEjr/ (ioi i’ K blessing while he liven." Sold by all druggists. wSssgSF 11 per box by mail,postpaid. package free. Address I. POPHAM, Philadelphia, Pa. . The Oldest Medicine in the World is frobably DH. ISAAC THOMPSON’S . Th£StV o £?»?£TeEfly pre. Bcriptlon, and has been in constant use for nearly a century. There are few diseases to which mankind are subject more distressing than sore eyes, and none, perhaps, for which more remedies have been tried without success. For all external Inflammation of the eyes it is an infallible remedy. If the dlrec-. tlons are followed it will never fall. We particularly invite the attention of physicians to Ita merits. For sale by at! druggists- JOHN L. THOMPSON, SONS fc CO., Tboy, NT Y. Established 1787, ' A warranted U. S. Standard t Family Scale, W ■■ f ounce to 241 pounds, I eent 0. H. on receipt -a?SgßrSgfe-.HZ. ■Wot price. Price list of all sizes free. Address "JONEH. he • ? pays the freight,” ;! fffljffihb.- Binghamton, N. Y, A NEW INVENTION ■PALMER'S Patented Juno 19, Price, One Dollar. Magnetism and Menthol as a . Remedial and Curative Agent. I

From time to time many inventions and devices have been placed upon the market claiming to cure catarrh, neuralgia, bronchitis, etc., many of which are said to contain electric or magnetic curative powers. Dr. Palmer Is a gentleman who has devoted a Ute of stady to the subject of catarrh and diseases of the head, throat, and lungs, and some time since he commenced a series ot experiments with a view to determining whether any combination could be formed which would kill the parasite aud act as • healing power at the same time, and at length succeeded in determining that menthol, when combined with magnetism, would do so, but how to arrange these seemingly opposite agents so as to render their use convenient and effectual was a question of I some difficulty. At length he succeeded in confining i within a vulcanite tube three inches long and about three-quarters of an inch in diameter a perfect mag- , netic battery in the form of a coil of steel wire. In the interior of this battery is stored a fine grade of imported menthol. The ends of the tube are closed 1 by nickel caps, which, when removed, admit of the I free inhalation of the electro-menthoiized air. The menthol acts as a germacide, while the magneto- 1 electric force stimulating the weakened nerves of ' the diseased parts into healthy action forms a wonderful healing power, thereby successfully .topping ! any further depredations. The fumes when inhaled are refreshing and cooling, and for the immediate relief and speedy cure of catarrh, cold in the head, hay fever, headache, neu-i ralgia, catarrhal deafness, etc„ it is unequaled. It cures headache in five minutes. Here throat is one of the diseases immediately affected by the Inhaler. One purchaserthus speaks of the Inhaler: New Diggins. Wis., August 9, 18H0.-£. A. (Javiek. Chicago, III.: Deab Sib—lnclosed you will find one ■ dollar (|1 .00) to pay for Inhaler you sent me on July 8. I do not know whether it will cure me of deaf- i ness or not, but I do think it prevents me from bar-I ing the headache. I have only had the headache | once since I received it; have been very much, troubled with headache for two or three years.J Wishing you success, and thanking you for your' kindness, I am, with respect, yours truly, „ Philip A. Baxteb. Beware of imitation, as there are unscrupulous persons engaged in the manufacture of a spurious inhaler that strongly resembles the genuine. Full directions, testimonials, etc., sent with each * instrument If yon are afflicted with Catarrh, send I*l.oo and I ?et a Magnetic Inhaler, which is certain to afford nstant relief and a permanent cure. Address E. A. GAVISK, Western Agent, 371 Franklin St, I Chicago, HL

CHICHESTER’S ENGLISH PENNYROYAL PILLS RtD CROSS DIAMOND BRAND. >->, Safe and alwaye reliable. Ladles, A fcK S’* nruggl.t for Piamond Brand, in aA red, metallic boxes, aealed with blue jWkX ribbon. Take no other. Allplll»\\*y 4m Mk St'-J in pasteboard boxea, pink wrappers, are VSf I ‘ ~ fjr dangerous counterfeits. Bend 4e. V I c.. Jr (stamp.) for particular., testimonial. and I m js “Belief for Ladles,” in Uttar, by returm - \ IF mall. Ham* Papar. -A Ckl.ite.ter Chem’i Co., Madkoa Sq, «I prescribe and fully en>rse Big G as the only. leclflc for the certain curs ’ this disease. .H. INGRAHAM.M. D., Amsterdam, N. Y. We have sold Big G for lany years, and It has given the beat of satisfaction. D. B. DYCHE A CO.. Chicago, ill. 1.00. Sold by Druggists. C.N.U, N 0.41-89 WHEN WRITING TO ADVERTISERS vy please any you mw the sdvertiseukeat lu this