Democratic Sentinel, Volume 13, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 August 1889 — FLASHES OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

FLASHES OF FUN.

A Train of thought—George Francis. It is no sign that a hen meditates harm to her owner because she lays for him. A bootless attempt—To get upstairs without being heard by your wife. Hr. stood not on the burning deck. No flames around him spread, But his case was lurid, just the same, For the hair of his girl was red. The mother of the modern girl says her daughter is like a piece of cheap calico: she won’t wash. “Take back the heart thou gavest me,” as the man said when he drew one when he wanted a club to fill. “How can I get ahead ?” asked a dull farmer bov of a pessimist. “By raising cabbages, was the consoling reply. “How did you like the sermon today?” “Well, it was such a nod discourse that I slept through the whole of it. Exasperated gardener—l wonder who tore up my garden in this stvle ? Gardener’s little boy—The old hen did it, with her little scratch it.” A young man who gets the opportunity to go see his best girl only on the evening of the first day of the week is strongly opposed to the prohibition of the Sunday press. McCorkle—lt’s queer that none of these railway robbers are women. Mrs. • McCorkle (indignant)—lndeed! And why ? “Because they know so well how to hold up a train.” “How do you like my new necktie?” asked George of Mabel. “Oh, very well ” “Don’t you think it’s becoming?” “Yes, George; it is becoming soiled very rapidly.” The pastor’s wife—Dr. Talkwell exchanges with my husband next Sunday. Thoughtless parishioner - ndeed ! Perhaps I can persuade my husband to come to church.

Boston heiress—l am afraid it is not for me, but my money, that you come here so often. Ardent wooer—You are cruel to say so. How can I get your money without getting you? The voting man who stands on the sidewalk in front of his sweetheart’s residence late at night, singing “My Soul’s at the Gate,” will find her pa’s sole at the gate if he doesn’t watch out. Mrs. Jepson—What a poor-spirited creature you are. Jehiel. I wish you would be either a man or a mouse. Mr. Jepson—l wish I was a mouse. I’d make you climb the bedpost in a holy minute, Beejones-—Well, wife, Sam, our prodigal son, is coming home. • Shall we kill the fatted calf ? Mrs. B. (reflecting)—No. Perhaps it would be less expensive in the long run to kill the prodigal. Buffalo Bill is greatly angered because the authorities of Paris insisted upon vaccinating all the members of his Wild West Show. Col. Cody regards the matter as a very scabby proceeding. The advantage of the pedagogue: Merritt—ls you keep on, Johnnie, you will soon know as much as your teacher. Little Johnnie—l’d know as much now if I had the book before me like she does. It is the fellow whose wife obliges him to stay at home and do the churning when he wants to go to the circus, who inveighs the most bitterly against the one-man power. He prefers dog power on the churn. Traveler on Mississippi steamer— What makes you have the bar in the center? Why don’t you have it on the side, out -of the way ? Bookkeeper— Well, we would, but yon see it ivon’t do to have too many passengers on one side of the boat. Minnie —What do you think ? Mr. Goodcatch’s watch stopped while he was calling on me last Sunday evening, and he staid until after 12. Mamie —1 heard him say yesterday that your face would stop a clock, but I|never dreamed he had any grounds for making such a remark.