Democratic Sentinel, Volume 13, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 July 1889 — A Few Puns. [ARTICLE]

A Few Puns.

Puns are said to be the lowest order of wit. But a good pun is a stroke of genius. Below we give some of the most famous puns of the ages: John Hill Burton relates a legal joke which to the legal mind, has all the charms of a pun. One day a bailiff, serving a writ, had been compelled by the defendant to swallow the document. In a state of great agitation and anger, the officer rushed into the court, over which Lord Norbury was presiding, to complain of the indignity. He was met by the expression of liis lordship’s hope that the writ was “not returnable in his court.” Perhaps the non-professional wits—the natural and spontaneous punsters —often say the best things; but then there is not always somebody at hand with the readiness to note the good things and preserve them. In its way there is nothing better thkn the answer given by a Cambridge student who, walking with a visitor, was asked, as the master of St. John’s passed on horseback, “Who is that?” “That is St. John’s head on a charger.” Nothing better ? Well, yes, we must admit that Napier’s dispatch, when he had taken Sciude—“Peccavi” (I. have sinned) —cannot be beaten; although Gen. de Bourment’s message to the Frenoh Minister of War, when the Dey of Algiers escaped him, was nearly as good: “Perdidi Diem” (I have lost a' Day). Nero, the Roman Emperor, is said to have perpetrated a practical pun. He made Seneca’s name condemn him—“ Seneca” (kill thyself). The unhappy victim had to commit suicide in order to complete the perfection of the joke. There is a very problematic pun ascribed to Sir Francis Drake, who, when he saw the Spanish fleet spread their sails in flight, is said to have sent to Elizabeth the single word, “Cantharides,” which, as everybody knows is “the Spanish But Drake was not a likely ’ man ,ft> make a pun at any time, and still'less

likely to invent so elaborate and yet so simple a one at such a moment. _ Bret Harte, by the way, is not usually regarded as a professional wit, and yet among the good things which cling to one’s memory is the couplet in the “Heathen Chinee:” Concealed in his nails, which were taper, What is common in tapers—that’s wax. Somebody has written a parody, in which a candidate for examination even beats the record of the Mongolian: Concealed in his palms, which were spacious, What is common in palms—and that’s dates. Speaking of palms recalls the famous pun of the Bishop of Oxford, who, when asked by a lady why he was nicknamed “Soapy Sam,” replied: “Because, madam. I am always getting into hot water, and always coming out with clean hands.”