Democratic Sentinel, Volume 13, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 May 1889 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

One touch of dead-beat nature makes the whole world a skin. A book of Western travels is entitled “Afoot in Chicago.” It must be immense. A debt over a game of cards is, even though entirely honest, a trumped-up charge. Why is it that a man never gives the minister so high a fee for marrying him the second time? “It was a-n awful sight/* quoth Mrs. Spriggins. “It was just like one of those horrorseopes you dream about.” They met by chance. She seemed distrait, While he was ill at ease. She had on onions dined that day, He on limburger cheese. The hill collector probably doesn’t like his business any better than the man who pays him, but it has to he dun. Law is like a sieve. You may see through it, hut you must be considerably reduced before you can get through it. The difference (there is a difference) between a gas well and the spring fisherman is that one is a bore for gas and the other is a goer for bass. The “champion sculler’’ and the “champion scholar” are often graduated from the same college, but the form er makes the most money. —Nov ristown Herald. Mrs. Jaggs—Full again, I suppose? I declare, you are nothing but a perambulating saloon. Mr. Jaggs—Bet nobody calls you a saloon. Want t’ know w’y? I’ll just tell you. Sloon does shut up once a week, ’n’ you never (hie) do.

“There is absolutely nothing new iff bonnets this spring,” exclaimed Mrs. Potts on her return from a shopping tour. “I can tell you what would be something new in women’s bonnets,” said Mr. Potts, Avith the air of a man Avho has/ an idea. “Well, Avliat? Cheapness?” asked his spouse. “No. Brains.” It has hitherto been'maintained that the curl in a pig’s tail is more for ornament than use. The position is no longer tenable. A large sow was seen walking down a Cincinnati street some time ago with a piece of red tape attached to said curl, from which was appended a card on Avhich was written “Patrick Doolan’s Pig Betsy.” New Boarder—“lt stiikes me these biscuits are tough.” Mrs. Bazoo (the landlady)—“Young ma,n, I made those; biscuits, and I’ve made them before yon were born.” New boarder (un-i abashed) —“I don’t doubt it, ma’am;! but Avhy don’t you keep them in the' curio cabinet"? Aren’t yoii afraid somebody might break them ?” A.—“ What did your uncle do for* you in his will?” B.—“ His Avill Mas; entirely in my favor. I’m in luck ?” “Left-you all his money, did he?” “Not; directly. He left all liis property to, charitable institutions.” “I thoughti you said you were in luck?” “So If am. All the other heirs are going to l break the will, and they have employed me as their lawyer.” a back and front A r IEW. He followed her right down the street, With his eyes on her little back glued, He noted her sweet rippling feet, And her hat with its bows many-hued. A picture he mentally drew Of ter jacket of fawn-colored Btuff, Her dress of a dainty spring hue, Her gloves and her little fur muff. He wondered what kind of a face On that figure Dame Nature had planted, Curiosity hastened his pace; To see for himself the wretch wanted. She turned, and he fled for his life, With a laugh that was Hollow and forced, For the peri was only his wife, From whom he had just been divorced. at the base-ball park.

Tramp—Gentlemen, I represent a. Committee on Ways and Means, and; am entitled to recognition and free’ admittance.

Tramp (soliloquizing)—Yes, a committee of one, appointed by meself on de xcays of gettin’ into de base-ball, grounds without means— savy?

OUTSIDE.

INSIDE.