Democratic Sentinel, Volume 13, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 May 1889 — BILL NYE GOES SHOPPING. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

BILL NYE GOES SHOPPING.

Difficulties Encountered in Making Purchases In New York.

ALWAY'S have my feelings hurt w hen I shop in New Y'ork. In .the first place, I am enraged before I get to the store by 987,236 people who knock me over and get on the elevated trains before the passengers can ' get off. Then I go to a [ store and wait near a [ stack of wet umbrel- [ las until several total strangers with a haughty air jostle me against the wall.* I [next speak to the floor-walker, who

plays that he owns the store aud is allowed to draw that instead of a salary. He looks at me askance, as if he feared that I might be Nellie Bly. He goes over to confer with a heavy-set saleswoman to inquire of her, evidently, whether I am there with sinister motives, and while I tremble at the thought that I am about to be searched for said motives, another man, who plays that he owns the store afternoons, comes along and asks me what I want there. I tell him that I am a simple-minded man, more or less picked on both at home and abroad; that I would spend an enormous amount of money in New York if I had a chance; that to-day I had contemplated buying or trading for a full set of two heavy No. 10 English hose with double soles and a striding resemblance to each other. Nobody could be any more explicit than that without being offensive. i just tell a man what I want right at the start, and then if there should be any delay it is his fault. He looks at me sorrowfully and begins to feel in Ins pocket for something. I say: “Put up your gold. Get out with your dross. I am not poor or crazed by suffering. I am only waiting to present a letter of introduction to the sock lady if lean obtain an audience with her.” He tells me where the office is, and I go there. She waits a long time before I seem to catch her eye. She looks through me, and so on across the store to a given point. She then says: “Well?” “Socks!” “Yes?” “Yes!" “What kind, please?” “English hose, double sole, unbleached, No. 10, two of a kind.” “Fer yourself?” “Yes, exclusively for myself.” “Well, the men’s hose is on second floor, facing the other street.” I then go to a hotel, register, get a room, ring for a messenger, and send him for the hose. It may be the same old crazy spirit which keeps New York stirred up all the time and makes the average NewYorker miserable all day if he misses a car, even if the next will be along in half a minute; but whatever it is, it is an evil spirit and makes money for a few people to the discomfort of a great many. New York shopping, especially at certain seasons and on certain days, is like trying to buy tilings in Washington during the inauguration. You can pay for them, but you are not permitted to take them away. They may be needed four years from now.