Democratic Sentinel, Volume 12, Number 52, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 January 1889 — MORSELS OF HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

MORSELS OF HUMOR.

7*9 - ' i? A future state—Dakota. One of the “has beans”—an old Bos/on girl. The red check of a king or queen is a roval flush. “I hacks your parding” says the English cabby. A missfoutune much sought by young men—a young heiress. Two heads are better than one—especially if a person is going to depend on a dime museum ior a living. Gaboon—Monsieur lias given me a counterfeit 25 oents. Monsieur—ls that so? Well, keap it for your honesty. “Hello, Moses, wot’s the matter wid ye?” “Indigestion.” “How’s dat?” “Hain’t had nothin’ to digest lately.” An old salt who saw an incubator work for the first time, said it was the most wonderful hatcliway that he ever saw. “Lay a silver bridge for a flying enemy.” This doesn’t mean that you furnish him with silver to escape to Canada. Jinks (at Mrs. Tiptop’s reception)— I’m in luck for once. I know the hostess. Blinks (intent on the good things of life) —I’m in greater luck. I know the waiter. Mrs. Popinjay never uses slang, but she came very near it the other day, when she caught her lazy chambermaid sitting at ease in the parlor, and exclaimed; “Now you get up and dust!” Brown—Green is an intellectual man —what they call a man of large graßp. Black—A man of large grasp! I should think lie was. Why, when he dances in a waltz he can put his arms around “the whirled.” “Ah!” exclaimed tho matter-of-fact man joyfully, as he saw the heading in the newspaper, “Trials of Authors,” “so they’ve arrested some of those confounded poets at last, have they? Wouldn’t I like to be on the jury?” Peddler—l have some beautifully printed "Heaven Bless Our Home” mottoes which I should like to show the lady of the house. Servant—Well I’ll call her down just as quick as she gets through lickin’ the children and clawin’ her husband. Old Philadelphian (out for the morning air, kindly)—Well, my young woman, I see you’re scrubbing down the steps. Young woman-Yis, sir. (Aside to her companion): “Do yez moinde that, Bridget; he axes if we be a-scrub-bin’ down the steps; do you s’pose the old broadbrim thinks we be a-sayin’ av our prayers?” Young wife—How the world moves! There’s Bossy Gray, an old chum of mine, a graduate of the Normal School, has just entered a medical college. She will soon be able to write M. D. after her name. Women are coming to the frout, I tell you. Formerly girls were taught nothing but housekeeping. Young husband—Yes, and now they’re taught everything but housekeeping. ONE STEP. Ono step at a time la tho way we matt climb, If ever we get to the top Of fortune’a steep height; Then climb with your might, Nor loiter, and linger, and atop. “Succeia" ia the word, Once uttered, once heard, Will nerve ua to work at our beat One atep every day And the long, weary way la over, and then we can rest. We’ll dare to do right, Then fearieaaly fight Whoever baa face to oppoae; The world criea, “Well done 1” When aucceaa haa been won, And the victor atanda over bla foes.