Democratic Sentinel, Volume 12, Number 50, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 January 1889 — THINK-TANK RELIEF. [ARTICLE]

THINK-TANK RELIEF.

You cannot lie and be an upright man at the same time. If you want to pry up the rock of success, use enterprise. Relations between a milkman and a millionaire are naturally strained. “Your laundress appears to be very old.” “Yes; she belongs to the iron age.” “Don’t give up the ship!” If you must ’give up anything in the nautical line give up the schooner. “I see that glasses improve your rye-sight,” said a bark e,;er to a toper. “Well, I should smile.” Why will a street-oar conductor stop a man from smoking and the next minute help a woman to alight. There is no law to prevent *a man making a fool of himself; if there was, some men wouldn’t know how to while away the time. “Was it the girl’s father who broke off the engagement ?” inquired Jenkins. “No,” replied the jilted lover, “it was her little brother.” “Potato socials” are the current rage in rui al Kansas. They are probably so called because the Kansas youth goes to them to make a mash. A man may successfully dodge vehicles on Broadway all day long and then go home at night and smash his nose against the edge of a door. At the restaurant: Waiter, I see here you have wine at 50 cents a bottle and some at sl. What is the difference between them? Waiter—so Cents. They have banks down in the provinces that no one fears will ever be broken into or cleaned out by dishonest cashiers. They are fog banks. “Charlie got a raise in his salary,” said Mamie. “Did he tell you?” “No.” “Thenhow do you know?” “Because he now calls the head clerk Jack.” Who would want to buy a pair of colored stockings of a color that wouldn’t run? It might be found very inconvenient if the possessor was in a hurry. Every mansion in which a family of girls are growing up should have a court-yard. Young couples would spoon less on front steps and in beau windows. Telegrams are always regarded by the transmitting companies as confidential. The telegrapher, therefore, becomes a confidence operator, whether he wants to or not. A Chicago railway passenger agent was bounced the other day for telling the truth. He says he is going into the newspaper business, where strict veracity is><no serious objection. The man who mourns over the wanton destruction of our forests does not hesitate to fill his pockets with gratuitous toothpicks at the restaurant after eating a plate of 15-cent soup. “Mr. Chamberlain had been courting the daughter of our Secretary of War for some time, hadn’t he?” asked Mrs. Squildig. “Yes,” replied her husband, “but in the Endicott her.” American—You Frenchmen are so mercurial that I should think insanity would be common in your country? Frenchman—Oui, oui, it ees, it ees. I hear vaira often of Frenchmans marrying for love.. Bobby—Pa, what’s the difference between a campaign fund anl a corruption fund? Father There’s a mighty big difference. A campaign fund is what our party spends and a corruption fund is what the other party uses. Editor—That little item of yours yesterday reminded me strongly of some of Shakspeare's work. Funny man (blushing)—Ah, thank you. It is kind of you to say so. In what respect, may 1 inquire? Editor (coldly)—ln age, principally. “Allow me to congratulate you on your engagement. Tell me how it came about. I thought you intended remaining single’.^“Yes, certainly, but I met the other day at a ball a young and pretty girl with whom I got into conversation, and, only think, she confessed that she too had decided to remain single. Impossible to imagine greater harmony of disposition—and io we got engaged.”— Deutsche Wespen. A LYRIC. If anyone can tell you How my song is wrought , And my melodies are caught, I will give, not sell you. The secret, if there be one (For I could never see oue). How my songs are wiought. Like the b’owmg of the wind. Or the Lowing of the stream. Is the music in my mind. » the voice in my iL-earn—-■Where m my things appear, The d iriple, the tea'-,. A’nd the pageu it ot th.* year, But nothin'! that is clear, And even and mom Where sadnes-t is gladness And sorrow unforlorn. For there Sotg is born. —Century.