Democratic Sentinel, Volume 12, Number 25, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 July 1888 — FLOATING FLAKES. [ARTICLE]

FLOATING FLAKES.

Our musical sharp say the biggest thing in music is grand opera, because it has the most aria.— Pittsburg Chronicle. “Maby, why don’t you use the new tea-pot I bought?” * Mary—“ Please, mum, cook says she is very sorry, mum, but the new teapot has fell in three halves”— Harper's Bazar. “I never could see that Ananias told such lies that he should be struck dead for them.” “And who are you?” “I’m areal estate agent.” “Ah! That explains it.”— Lincoln Journal. “Discrepancies in my accounts ?” repeated the bank cashier indignantly, “not a bit of it. The accounts are all right to a cent. The trouble is with the cash. ” — Somerville Journal. Wife —What does the sentence “It goes withou saying” mean, my dear? Husband—l know what it doesn’t mean. Wife—What dear? Husband—A woman’s tongue.— Washington Critic. “Did you make any money out W 7 est ?” “Not a dollar. ” “What was the matter ?” “The United States detectives got onto me, and I had to leave the plates, dies and everything in a hurry.”—Washington Critic.

The reason why so many old famiHea die out is because the younger ones have not bee sense enough to swarm. They want to stay together and live on each other until they all starve.— New Orleans Picayune. It is said that in some parts of Africa there are birds with bills a yard in length. If the theory of transmigration of souls is a correct one, these birds must be the spirits of departed plumbers.—Yankee Blade. If the moon was for sale on a bargain Chunter half the women of the world would want to buy it, and the one who did would spend the rest of her life wondering what on earth she’d do with it.— Philadelphia Call. It has been the custom to argue as an excuse for fche comparatively low percentage of marriages in the United States that the women are not sufficiently numerous to make a selection from.— Toronto ( Canada ) Mail. Hedges lias dined well and has offered his waiter a dollar. Waiter (in a voice that reaches the desk) —“No, sail; we ain’t ’lowed fer ter tek no fees, sah,” (In a voice which does not reach the desk) —“Drap him on the flo’,- boss”— Tid-Bits.

“Why does Fraulein Amelie always smile so at that dentist Mueller?” “You see it’s this way—he furnished her a set of false teeth on the installment plan, on condition that she should pass his office every day, and show him that she had not pawned them.— Fliegende Blaetter. Sir Greystopp Fribble— l assure you, on my sacred word of honor, my dear Miss Flirtington, I do not believe I could possibly endure to live a whole year out of London. Charming Miss Flirtington—Oh, my dear Sir Greystopp, I’m sure you never could so cruelly treat the heart of—the kingdom.” — Fun. First East Countryman—Shall yeaou voote for the dis’tablishment o’ th’ Chu’ch? Second ditto (firmly)—No; I ’on’t, Bo’! Work scass enow as’t is—but if we was to hev all them parsons tu’nned out, an’ goid’ ’bout ploughin’ an’ hedgin’, an’ mowin’ an’ liavestin’, we should be wuss oft’ than we are now.— London Punch.

The prisoner refuses to plead at all, my lud,” said the Judge’s clerk. “And how can I be expected to plade, begorra, whin divila bit do I know what ividence you’ve got against me in the background?” growled the prisoner, “Give a blioy fair play, ye spalpanes!” “A man that can spake like that can’t b« guilty!” shouted the jury.— Judy. THE MODERN HUSBAND. A jpair of rubber boots she wore, Her face was all aglow, As from the path beside her door She shoveled off the snow. She ceased not when I reached her side, But labored with a will, And, though her arms were slender, plied The implement with skill. “Your husband, ma’am, I wish to see About some business,’’. I said to her. She said to me, “You’ll find him in, I guess.” “Just go right in; you needn’t ring, At present, I surmise, He’s at his health-lift practicing “Up stairs for exercise.” —Boston Courier.