Democratic Sentinel, Volume 12, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 May 1888 — HUMOROUS NUGGETS. [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS NUGGETS.

Time gallops under the spur of the moment., A gambleb may be ace society man. —Texas Siftinqs. A rain drop—storm scene on a stage curtain. Texas Siftings. The girl who loves William never asks her father to foot her Bill. When a baker goes on strike it is not incorrect to allude to him as a loaf-er. He (ardently)—“l’d give a million pounds to win your love, Adelaide.” “She—“ Cash ?” z. are-Bits. You seldom bear a man sing “Hone. Sweet Home,” on the night before the rent day.— ooston Courier. Ir is rather infrequently that a tailor is elected to Congress,'but a good one knows all about men and measures.— New Haven News. Visitor—Have you a dumb waiter in the house? Lady of the house —No; but we’ve got the dumbest hired girl you ever saw.— Washington Critic. When an Arab of the desert wants to inquire if his sister is going to leave home for a while, he says, “Are you going oasis?”— Pittsburgh Chronicle. Somebody suggests that it is useless to go to the expense of buying works on Volapuk. The dialect stories in the magazines will answer all praccal purposes.— Kansas City Journal. “I wish I knew what to preach about next Sunday.” said Rev. Mr. Smoothtext. “Preach against the evils of riches,” suggested the elder; “there isn’t a man in our church worth over $3,000. ” — Burdette. “Mo’nin’, Mistah Grubbleson; a col’ mo’nin’.” “Yah, indeed; know anyt’ing how col’ twas las’ night?” “’Bout ’ninch an’ a half b’low freezin’—at leas’ de ice froze dat tick on a tub o’ watah I let’ stan’in’ out all night.”— Harper's Bazar. Jeweler (exchanging ring for cuff buttons) —Didn’t the young lady like the ring, sir? Young man (mournfully —She didn’t have a chance. It struck me that a $lO ring was too expensive for a mere sister-to-you sort of girl.— Epoch. Art dealer (descanting on the virtues of the picture)—You will oberve, sir, that the drawing is free, .j at Agriculturist—Well, if the drawin’ is free, an’ you don’t tax me too much for the frame, b’gosh, I’ll take it.— Epoch. Tramp (piteously)—Please help a poor cripple. Kind old gent (handing him some money)—Bless me, why, of course. How are you crippled, my poor fellow? Tramp (pocketing the money)—Financially crippled, sir.— —New York Sun. Old Friend—ls it possible you have remained unmarried all these years, Bella? Miss Bella—Yes; but 1 ha e been contemplating that picture of Ruth and Boaz, and have not yet given up all hope. Old Friend—Ah, but it will be difficult to get such a 80-az Ruth had.— Harper* s Bazar. A subscriber asks an Indiana editor, who had been “blowing up” some of the European monarchies, if he ever saw a king. To which the editor replied : “We saw four kings last night, but the gentleman who held tuem charged us ten dollars for a glace at them.” In view of this, who shall say that the Hoosier editor is incompetent “write up” a monarch. — Arcola Hee,d.