Democratic Sentinel, Volume 12, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 April 1888 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Papers that don’t give credit are published by hook and by crook. Where is no max’s land? Where the gnome man burrows, of course. They have a society journal in Bengal that is much read by the Bengals. They glass tombs now. A glass tomb much sometimes brings a man there. "You caved ten thousand souls," St Peter said, And all the little angels were surprised," “Yes, ” said the parson, as he bowed his head, You see my sermons were all advertised." A man who did not recognize a metaphysician explained that he had never metaphysician before. Texas Siftings. The man who only drinks on some particular occasion, finally gets so that he isn’t at all particular what the occasion may be.— Texas Siftings. New York has a Fruit Exchange, but it should not be forgotten that the first fruit exchange was established in the Garden of Eden.— Texas Siftings. The party which expects to win success by evasion of public questions is as far “off” as the cook wno tries to make buckwheat cakes out of the batter of a base-ball club.— San Francisco Alta. “Constant Reader” is informed that to preserve fruit there is nothing superior to a high fence garnished with broken glass bottles. Some persons, however, still think the bulldog method preferable.— Boston Transcript. “Your husband is something of an antiquarian, isn’t he?” asked a caller of Mrs. Snaggs. “No, I don’t think he is, ” was the reply. “I don’t think he can tell one kind of an ant from another.”—Burlington Free Press. The new Democratic paper in Chicago is called the Globe. This will will dojjfaut it would have sounded better to Fall it the Barth. There isn’t a man in Chicago who wouldn’t take the earth if he got a chance.— Peoria Transcript. “Say, Pat, if you’ll come around every evening and clean out my furnace, I’ll give you $1 a week. ” “Sure an’ Oi -vyjlk s or—but will Oi be doin’ nights whin th’ ould woman takes me away to the thay-ay ter ?”—Burlington Free Press. “I think you are rather unjust to me, father,” said a fast young man; “unnecessarily severe, as it were. I have not the advantages which you enjoyed when you were young.” “ What do you mean by that, sir?” “Your father was poor you know.— Puck. Customer Are these neckties strong? Shopman—Strong? Why, sir, last week I sold one to a gentleman as was a-’ankering after suicide, and ’e liked it so much that ’e used it to ’ang ’isself, and it bore ’is weight beautiful.—London Globe. Gentleman—What are you doing now, Sam? Sam—l ain’t doin’nuffin, sah; I frowed up my job las’ week. I had trubble wif de boss, an’ I jess tole him he cuddent fool dis cullud gemman no mo’. I’se independent, I is. An ole aunt o’ mine died an’ lef me twentyfi’ dollahs.— Epoch. Omaha man—From Dakota, eh? Speaking of Dakota reminds me of a blizzard I Dakota man—Ha, ha! Wasn’t it funny? “Funny? The blizzard was ” “I should say so! Nearly laughed myself into fits over it.” “Laughed, over a blizzard! What blizzard?” “The one in New York of course.”— Omaha Ttorld. Court —Did you search the prisoner’s pockets. Policemen—Yes, your honor. Court —Did you find anything in them? Policeman —Yes, your honor. Court—Was it counterfeit money? Policeman—No, ypur honor. Court— Did you find any jewelry or burglar’s tools? Policeman —No, your honor. Court —What did you find in his pockets ? Policeman —Nothing but holes. Arcola Record.