Democratic Sentinel, Volume 12, Number 13, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 April 1888 — BEHIND THEIR BACKS. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

BEHIND THEIR BACKS.

BY MARY R. P. HATCH.

Theophilus Smith has invented a wonderful instrument. It has not yet been patented, owing to an accident which I shall mention later on, and so, out of loyalty to my friend, who expects to realize a large return from the invention, I shall not describe it fully, but will give a brief sketch of the occasion when it was tested. A slight preamble, however, is necessary. Doubtless every thinking person has, at some period of his life, puzzled himself over the electric communication or responsiveness of mind as well as of matter. For instance, it frequently happens that thinking deeply of a person is the forerunner of meeting him, and finding that he has been engrossed with thoughts of your-

self, a mutual desire, or mutual thought, having culminated in this meeting. “How strange!" you exclaim together; “I was just thinking of you.” Theophilus thought long and deeply of these matters, and at last conceived a method of connecting two such currents of electricity by means of a powerful instrument, so*that the thoughts of one person might be .telegraphed, as it were, to another whose mind wss at that time in unison; and, when words were used, a phonograph attachment would be set in motion to tell them off, reproducing the exact tones of the speaker. But in an invention of this kind, so startling in its powers, there must of necessity be some drawbacks. For instance, putting one’s mind “in unison,” as my friend Theophilus expresses it, is impossible, unless the person with whom you desire to communicate is thinking of you at that exact time. Theophilus is blessed with a dear little woman for a wife, one who believes, as all women should, implicitly in her husband’s genius. When he spoke of testing the machine she said at once, with the wisdom that seems to characterize her: “Why not invite my four dearest friends, with their husbands, to a social tea? They will say nothing hard of us, of course, but they will say something on their way home; all people do. Mrs. White usually does not wait until she gets into the street. I have been with her and all of them, you see, and know their ways. Mrs. Black speaks later, but with no length; Mrs. Gray waits until she gets nearly home, and Minnie Green until she is housed. You-know she is so quiet, she never chatters in the street like some women.” There was so much wisdom in this that I was lost in admiring wonder, while Theophilus said concisely: “You are a trump, my dear,” at whioh the little woman hushed with pleasure. The day arrived, and the company sat down to my friend’s well-spread table. I was present, of course, to share in his triumph. The food was excellent, and every one appeared delighted with each other and their entertainers, while little Charlie, my friend’s only child, was petted to his heart’s content. My thoughts wandered often, I confess, to the innocent-looking case that contained my friend’s instrument. shared in my feelings, I am sure, for he was absent-minded at times and I caught him glancing quietly in that direction more than once. Not so Mrs. Smith. She was as calm as a summer morning, which shows, I think, that the feminine mind more readily

lends itself to deception, for as soon as her guests took their departure Mrs. Smith rushed to the machine and exclaimed, as she touched the battery: “Nowfor Mrs. White.” Mrs. White was a very extravagant lady, whose former husband died a bankrupt, and whose present one, though in easy circumstances at the time of their marriage, was now said to be much straitened. “Such a table!” clicked the machine, in Mrs. White’s very tones. “I like Mrs. Smith; but she is so close. Homemade biscuit, when she might have got delicious rolls at the caterer’s, and sponge-cake instead of fruit! Did you observe the cake-basket, Edwin? I am sure it was plated, and that dress she wore was made over! I know it, and without a bit of anything new. How can folks live so?” Mrs. Smith’s face was crimson; but Theophilus was jubilant. “Mrs. White to a T! Pass on to Mrs. Black, my dear. I shall have to use your mind, for I could not bring mine in unison with gossip,” which, don’t you see, was saying that his wife could. Mrs. Black and her husband began life without a dollar and worked their way to a comfortable fortune. They were rather parsimonious, but this was owing, no doubt, to the rigid economy they had been obliged to practice in early life. It now appeared they were already conversing about their entertainment, for Mr. Black’s words came directly: “Such extravagance would ruin most men. I noticed Smith has real walnut doors to his library. He took me in after tea and showed me his books. Scientific men haven’t a grain of sense —not a grain! Books enough to buy a house that would rent for five hundred a year!” “Did you notice the biscuit?” asked his wife. “They were so rich they would drop to pieces off the plate. So much silver! and solid too; for Mrs. Sqpth thinks it is vulgar to use plated ware. She may see the time ” “Now for Mrs. Gray,” said my friend’s wife, readjusting the current with a jerk. “She is neither extravagant nor the reverse. They are not rich and she makes a penny serve the turn of many. Her costumes are exquisite. She may think a trifle too much about such things; but she is very lovable and her husband advises her.” With powerful adaptability Mrs. Smith became in unison with Mrs. Gray. “Poor Marion is such a dowdy! If

there is any one in this world I like, it is Marion Smith; but I never see her that Ido not ache to fix her up. With her means, it is too bad that she has no more taste. The dress she had on cost enough to clothe me for three months; but how it looked! And her hair—oh, dear! I could dress it to look exquisitely, for it is beautifully long and abundant.” “But she doesn’t give her mind to such things, Bella; she and Smith are above it.” “I know it; and their home is delightful; so elegant and quiet, and little Charlie is a perfect cherub.” My hostess looked a little relieved, and likely, I thought, to listen awhile longer, so I said to her: “Do not forget Mrs. Green, who, you know, is less likely to be a subject of electrical currents than the others. She seems to have scarcely any thoughs of her own, I thought. Rather insipid, though no doubt an excellent lady.” The first ejaculation of Mrs. Green, however, made us all jump, it was so unlike her usual languid tone. “Good gracious!” and the instrument worked with fervor, “I’ve been thinking all the way home about that spread of the Smiths’. Talk about their high breeding! They are simply stupid. Mr. Smith seems to have his head in the clouds all the time. I like to be amused and if that old bach that is there all the time hadn’t eaten sauce with his cake I should have gone to sleep. They say he was in love with Mrs. Smith before she married Theophilus. I wonder if Theophilus knows it! How ridiculous they act over that child of theirs, thinking he is so bright and forward and laughing at all his silly little speeches—actually bringing him to sit at the table. Homely, too! Smith’s nose and Brackett’s chin is enough to spoil any child. You know we have always thought Ebenezer a little' more backward than any other children; but land! he is ten times as smart as that child.” “Ebenezer, indeed!” exclaimed my friend’s wife, jerking the machino with so much force that it fell from the table, saying, feebly: “Such fools!”

no doubt the beginning of a new sentence by Mrs. Green. “And I thought that woman weak,” gasped my friend’s wife. “She seems anything but weak, and so do you,” said Theophilus, ruefully, lifting up his machine, and seeing at a glance that it was broken. “It will take a long time to repair this, for I can trust it to no hand but my own,” said he. “The test has been all that could be desired, and rather more,” he added. “You’ll be • famous, Theophilus,” I cried, with enthusiasm. “Famous! Well, but if it breaks friendships, shall I be doi >g irood?” “Friendships!” repeated is wife. “It will be a sort of society sitter,” said I. The machine has been repaired, and will make its appearance soon. Theophilus showed it to Edison the other day. “Smith,” said he, “you have stolen my thunder.”