Democratic Sentinel, Volume 12, Number 12, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 April 1888 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Always at the front—the hired girt Should be put down—a new carpet Shades of our grandmothers—oil calico. A COUNTEB-STATEMENT wash.” “What kind of tobacco, is this?” asked the customer; “long cut or fine cut?” “Connecticut,” replied the dealer. —Burlington Free Preus. Hand in hand the milkman goes With the Prohibition lout, , For both delight in tuneful flows Of the gurgling water spout. —Texas Siftings. Sunday School Teacher—How did Daniel happen to be in the lion’s den ? Bad boy—He started out to “buck the tiger” and got in the wrong room.—Arcola Record. Many a man who thinks he bears a great enterprise on his shoulders is simply round-shouldered from carrying a large load of self-conceit Shoe and Leather Reporter. Waiter (to departing guest—Do you know, sir, that you remind me forcibly of the Spaniards at the capture of Grenada? Departing Guest—How so? Waiter—You give no quarter.— Life. Magistrate (to witness) —Do you know the nature of an oath, Uncle Bastus? Uncle Rastus—l reckon I does, yo’ Honah. Ise owned a balky mule for foahteen ya’.— New York Sun. The New Haven newspapers are advertising an “exhibition of old masters” in that city. Probably the senior members of the Yale faculty form the nucleus of the collection. Washington Star.

“Just think, Laura, what happens! Here is a proposal from the wealthy owner of an immense menagerie, and he assures me that now he is in want of nothing more but me!”— Fliegende Blaetter. Tobacconist customer—The figure of the Indian is all right and true to nature, but I don’t understand why you put that bottle of rum in his hand. Sign sculptor—Reckon you’ve never seen a live Injun, boss.— Tid-Blts. Miss Churchman—O, yes, I always deny myself in Lent. I give up cards, music, frivolous reading, and unedifying conversation. Now, what do you give up ? Mr. Mundane (reflectively) 1 think I’ll give up calling here.—Accident News. “George,” asked the teacher of a Sunday-school class, “whom, above all others, shall you wish to see when you get to Heaven?” With a face brightening up with anticipation the little fellow shouted: “Gerliah!” Boston Christian Register. “I’ve brought these pillows back. My wife says she won’t have them in the house.” “Why, my dear sir, those pillows are a bargain. We marked them down —” “Yes, I know you did, 'but my wife declares they’re nothing but hens’ feathers.”— Boston Transcript

Miss Marlboro—l had such a misfortune to-day, Professor. My parrot escaped and I haven’t seen it since. Professor (of mathematics) —Indeed? How sad! And yet, do you know, Miss Marlboro, your affliction* could be beautifully diagrammed. Miss Miss Marlboro—Ah? Professor—Yes; it’s a pollygone.— Detroit Free Press. Wise —My dear, I don’t know what lam going to do; the company is only half served and the refreshments are giving out. Hubby—Well, if Browne is here we are perfectly safe. Wife—but I don’t see how it is going to remedy the difficulty. Hubby—Why, get him to read that theory of his “Coming Man,” and you will see the guests disappear like smoke.— Judge. A little girl who made too much noise in the early morning in her sick mother’s room was put out in the hall, and soon after a miserable old rag doll, of which she was very fond, was tossed out to her. This was the “straw” that did it Snatching up her beloved, and hugging it tightly in her arms, with streaming eyes she sobbed out to her grandma: “I wouldn’ a tared, but what has Judy done?” — Boston Globe.