Democratic Sentinel, Volume 12, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 March 1888 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

The New York World has a Nye tc business. A draughtsman is generally a designing man. 4 Some bakers ora lik« pn'{lists, They earn tbe bread tliey knead by fists; Even their loaves. I'm bound to state. Suggest the title of “light-weight." Si/tings. “She” is the name of a rich gold mine in Africa. It will be a diH cult matter for men miners to find the pockets in it —Boston Courier. STRUCK IT RICH. He was poor and wanted a wealthy wife, So the English lord came over the water; He (.truck it rich and is fixed for life, For he married a coal dealer’s only daughter. —Boston Courier. Barber (who has just finished the shave) —All right, sir; there you are, sir; how do you feel now, sir ? Customer—First rate! There’s nothing like getting out of a bad scrape. Beggar—Please give me a dime; I am starving. Citizen—What makes you keep two dogs while you are so poor ? Beggar—So as to have a pair of pants,—Areola Becord.

“See, here, Busher, I heard that you repeated what I told you the other day.” “Who said I did?” “Waggley.” “Blank him, he always blabs everything he hears!” —Detroit Free Press. “I tell you, these leap-year dances are a fine thing. My wife took me and paid all the expenses herself.” “Wher’d your wife get the money?” “Oh, I let her have it.”— Whiteside (III.) Herald. “If it were customary in this country to confer titles upon men who rank in literature, what would I be?” asked a conceited journalist of his senior. “Baron of Ideas,” was the terse reply. Texas Siftings. Physician “Patrick, don’t you know better than to have your pig-pen so close to the house?’’ Patrick—“An’ phy shud Oi not, sor?” “It’s unhealthy.*’ “Be away wid yer nonsinse! Sure, the pig has niver been sick a day in his loife.”

Tramp (to partner)—Did the old man give up anything, Bill? Partner —I asked him if he couldn’t help a poor man who was out of work, and he said he could give me work. Times seems to be gettin’ wuss every day.— Efjoch. A teacher in one of our grammar schools was giving her class a le-son on the art of putting words into sentences. The words selected, with their definitions, were “aqueduct, a conductor,” and “effervesce, to work.” One of the sentences handed in was, “My father is an aqueduct, and has to effervesce very hard. ” What is a typographical error, my boy? Wei!, where you read a newspaper interview in which Mr. Blaine speaks of Mr. Cleveland as the greatest statesman of the century, whose brilliant administration and magnetic influence is only equaled by his sagacious ..udgment, you may safely put up a few margins on a boom in typographical errors. —Bob Burdette.

Nellie— O, Hattie, yon should have attended the Paradise german at the Metropolitan Hotel last night. Hattie (curiously)—Paradise german? What kind of a german is that? Nellie (rapturously)—Why, don’t yon know ? It’s one where there are ever so many more gentlemen than girls. Hattie (tearfully)—How lovely! I’m so sorry I missed it. —Washington Critic. An agent who was selling a humorous book made a speech to a crowd of men in a Tennessee town. “Why gentlemen,” said he,‘‘this is the funniest book ever printed. Over here at V inchester I sold one to a lady and she laughed dntil she died—actually laughed herself to death.” “Here,” said a man, “I want a copy of that book.” “Yes, sir, yon shall have it. Judge. Shall I send it to your office ?” “No, send it the house. I want it for my wife.”— Arkansaw Traveler „

Congressman Write of Themselves. One Arkansas Congressman wrote in answer to the usual request what would have filled a dozen pages of the directory. He gave the full history of his and his wife’s families, the characteristics of his children, the names of the husbands and wives and children of those married, and introduced several illustrated sketches of incidents in bear and bee and coon hunting. He introduced a poem on spring, written by his second eldest son, gave the names of two young fellows, rivals for the hand of one of his daughters, named “Pink,* and described the distress he was suffering over the question of which she would choose. The compiler cut the “biography* down to eight lines. A Kentucky Congressman in his b ography descr bed a stock farm owned by him, named the horses, gave their pedigrees, records, and prices. Another Kentuckian mentioned, among others incidents of his eventful life, the number of fights he had been in, and gave descriptions of two, in each of which he had killed a man, and gave the names of the men he had slaughtered. One Ohio man gave the number of sheep he owned, the fluctuations in the prices of wool in an elaborate table, and introduced a strong protest against the reduction of the duty on wool, all of which was sacrificed. A Congressman from lowa sent in his biography in verse, and very bad verse, too. Another from the same State said that he was living separate from his wife, but, in a detailed statement, laid all the blame on her, and appealed to his brotherCongressmen to overlook the matter, and the Speaker not to allow himself to be influenced by it in assigning him to committees. —Cincimidti Commercial Gazette.

The first public school for the blind , was established at Paris, by Valentine Haug, in 1784.