Democratic Sentinel, Volume 12, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 March 1888 — Queer Stories of the Courts. [ARTICLE]

Queer Stories of the Courts.

I onco had a suit before a dignified country justice for the price of a horse which was sequestered. The defendant was a negro woman, who set up that the purchaser had paid her the horse for work. This being so, my olient would lose his privileges as vender. She took the stand and swore out her case. The matter was desperate. However, I would try. “Susan, when your uncle paid for this horse did he put the bridle in your hands ?” “Sah, he did.” Did he say: “My niece, I eternally give you old Bill?” “Dem’s de very words, sah. ” “But, Susan, didn’t your uncle forget then to put a blue ribbon on tho bridle ?” “Indeed he didn’t, sah. I’se got dat ribbon now.” Much to Susan’s surprise, the justice brandished his stick and made her “get out.” Once during a jury trial Judge R looked up suddenly and said to the sheriff: “Mr. D , there are thirteen men on that jury.” * Mr. D , after counting with his finger, corroborated the judge. The clerk was ordered to call the jury. He did so, and there were but twelve re* sponses. Then the judge, sheriff, and clerk held a conference, the result of which was that the jurors stood up in answer to their names. Presently two individuals arose together, one white, the other a negro. The former had his summons as a juror; the latter had been subpu naed as a witness. “Come here,” s4id the judge, “and show me your subp.cna.” Bam ndvanced close up to his honor and stuck out his tongue for inspection ! As soon as the laugh subsided the judge said kindly: “Sam, you need calomel and of course can’t stay on the jury.” Sam was nonplused at another explosion from the audience. On another occasion I was defending a negro for a serious offense. The jury was composed entirely of negroes. After the argument the court adjourned for dinner. As the jury filed into the court-room after dinner for instructions, looking at the complexion of the twelve and in the presence of the sheriff, and clerk, I said jocularly to a negro man, a brother of the accused, standing by: “There’s a good crowd for two bits apiece. ” Imagine my feelings when he replied, quite innocently: “Oh, I dun gin ’em a dollar round ’cepting that yaller rascal; he wants five.” When I took him aside and informed him of the possible consequences of his liberality he hastened to depart. The “yaller rascal,” sure enough, showed his resentment and hung the jury; but only for awhile—the “dollar round” told at last.

Wax out on the greensward The robin is hopping, And down in the meadow The colt is gal-lopping; The trees in the garden Are rosily budding; The maid on the step-ladder Wild y soap-suddlng. Medora disports in The liveliest fillet; The dog breaks the record Annexed to a skillet; All Nature is beauty And perfume doth quicken, And brown on the broiler's The luscious spring chicken. —Puck. Impecunious. —Gridley Lend me fifty, old man, will you? Bryant— Certainly. Can you use one of my checks? Gridley—Easily; how white of you! Bryant—Don’t mention it. The favor is on your side for I haven’t had a cent in the bank for a week.— Tid-Biis. A Chicago man fell into the river tha other day with his mouth wide open and got a few drops of water in his interior. Of course, it killed him.—Newman Independent 1