Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 50, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 January 1888 — Dry Humor. [ARTICLE]

Dry Humor.

William L. Maroy, Secretary of State during the administration of President Pierce, had a dry humor in which he often indulged, though he seldom laughed. A lawyer of Richmond, Ya., Mr. R. G. Scott, applied for the consulship at Rio de Janeiro. The place had been promised him, but the nomination was delayed so long that Mr. Scott, becoming impatient, visited Washington to see what caused his appointment to “hang fire. ” Calling on Mr. Maroy, he frankly said that he was embarrassed by the uncertainty and tired of the delay, and wished to be plainly told what he might expect. “Mr. Siott,” said the Secretary, in a dry. hard tone, “for every bough of the top of the tree of appointment—for the mission plenipotentiary, for example—there are about one hundred applicants; for the middle boughs, tho secretaries of legation, there are about three hundred applicants, and for the lower limbs of the consulship there are about one thousand applicants. “Those holding on to the upper boughs expect, if they fail, to catch upon the boughs of the secretaries, and those disappointed in obtaining them hope to catch on tbe limbs of consulships. “For the place of plenipotentiary but one of tho hundred can be appointed, and the ninety and nine falling upon the next boughs increase the number of applicants to 399. For the latter, but one can be appointed, and thus 398 fall upon the consulships, increasing the number of applicants to 1,398. You can, therefore, calculate your chances for the consulship at Rio.” “Then, sir,” answered the astonished and dismayed Scott, “I may as well go home to my clients, and quit the business of office-begging!’’ and he rose to his feet. “Rut, Mr. Scott,” resumed Mr. Marcv, motioning to him to resume liis seat, “I have advised the President that the failure to obtain tho higher office should not give a lien on the lower office, thus your chance will remain as one to a thousand only for a consulship. ” “Well, that chance is not worth waiting for, and I’ll go home,” said Scott. “When you do,” answered tho Secretary, with a twinkle of his eye, “go and propare for your passage to Rio, for your appointment is already determined upon. ” Then the Secretary’s fat sides shook with his enjoyment of Scott’s joyful surprise.