Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 November 1887 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A party question: At what time will supper be ready? “Never say dye,” as the back hair said to the young lady. Why are lovers Ike turnips? Because they are often paired. Many a widow’s weeds are wilted by the simple phrase, “Wilt thou?”— Carl Pretzel. *- . ..inj a baby to church does the baby no good, and is a cause of immorality in others.— Pu k. The horse is a noble animal. All toothbrush handles are made from his thigh bone.— Alta California. (Speaking of the ballet girl: You’d scarce expect one of her age to dance in public on the stage.— Puck. Another oroof that Bacon wrote Hamlet is that Ham and Bacon are close relations. -‘—Detroit Free Press. How is it possible to proceed in two opposite directions at the same time? By walking from the forward to the aft of a vessel while sailing. “I hear that your husband is very ill,” said Mrs. Fhilpot. “Yes, poor fellow,” replied Mrs. Spooner, “he leads such a sedimentary life that his health is shattered.” A wag passing by a house which had been almost consumed by fire, inquired whose it was. Being told that it was a hatter’s, “Ah!” he said, “then the loss will be felt” It was somewhere in New Jersey that a man got somewhat m'xed on Scripture, and said: “Brethren, when I consider the shortcomings of life, I feel as if I might be taken away suddenly, like a thief in the night.” “Plague take that old curmudgeon! One can never please him.” “Who?” “Why, that old kicker, Billings.” “What has he been kicking at?” “He’s been kicking at my pants for the last five minutes, confound him!”—Newman Independent. “My dear,” said her lover, “I am fired with an ambition to win your hand. May I consult your father?” “Yes,” she softly murmured. An hour later he was again “fired,” but it was not with an ambition to win her hand this time. There was more foot than hand about it. Omaha Man—“ You gave a tramp something to eat yesterday, didn’t you?” Young Wife—“ Yes, poor fellow.” “Gave him some of your sponge cake, didn’t you?” “Why, yes, so I did. Why?” “Nothing. The paper says the body of a man who had evidently died in great agony was found in the willows this morning.” “What can Ido for you, sir?” said Col. Yerger to a suspicious-looking character, with a pencil and paper. “I want you to subscribe a trifle for the Society to Beform Newly Released Convicts.” “i eform of released convicts!. Why, I have been contributing to that object for the last twenty years. Haven’t they begun to reform yet?”— Texas Siftings. “Mamma,” said little Susie Thoughtful, “what is a cipher?” “Why, my dear, ” replied the astonished parent, “a cipher is—why, a cipher is naught —it’s nothing; that is, it means nothing when it stands alone.” “Well, ma, why I asked was, I saw pa standing beside the new cook, in the kitchen, this morning, and he put his arm around her neck, and said, ‘Rosa, darling, I cipher a taste of your iuby lips.’” “Well, in such a case, my daughter, a cipher is a momentous factor in domestic economy, and when your pa comes home he will realize that it cuts a big figure in the sum total of marital concord and harmony.”— Carl Pretzel’s National.