Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 39, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 October 1887 — Page 7

A BRAKEMAN'S DINNER.

JMIUm by Rum Tbat Floored Even tbe Üblqiitou Reporter. [From tbe Bail way Register. | “Kind er side track that there sand box, will yer. Thanks, party. Say, Oscar John, where’s the Jersey? No Jersey, eh; got to use watered cow I Throw me a couple of them twisters and back up the salve, will yon? Pull that teat onoe more and give she forty drops! Gimme some clean silver.” “Say, Jimmy, ain’t yon fresh fur a duck that’s got a case and half on yer tab?” “Never mind, party; the golden chariot’s coming along next week! Just put some dope on this here piece of half sole!” Perhaps you do not understand this ? Neither did the reporter when he first heard it, perched up beside the brakeman of a passenger train at the eatingstand of a station on the Little Miami Railroad. The respondent was the white-aproned, lantern-jawed waiter, who, in a semi-hysterical way, tried to wait on twenty people at once, and .failed ingloriously in the attempt. The brakeman, during this technical discourse, was feeding himself with one hand, and reaching with the other for everything in sight and reach. After finishing an enormous meal, he sauntered down, and asked for a crowbar and cabbage. The reporter looked to see the clerk at the counter reach down and strain himself lifting a heavy bar of iron, and afterward dive into a barrel and hand over a specimen of toothsome blossom of the cabbage plant. But he did not. He merely opened the cigar-case and shoved forward the toothpick-case, with the remark: “Help yourself!” When the ding-dong of the engine bell sounded the end of the fifteen minutes for lunch, the reporter followed the brakeman, and when the train had got under way sat down beside him and proceeded to unfathom the mystery of his discourse. “Didn’t catoh on, hey? Why, that’s 'as plain as day. Where do you live, anyhow?” inquired the brake-twister, as he jerked the “cabbage” out of his mouth and expectorated vigorously. . “What’s the sandbox?” innocently asked the reporter. “Well!” gasped the brakeman; “why, 'it’s the sugar ” A blinding light shot athwart the reporter’s intellect. Was there not a clear ' connection between the two—sand and sugar ? “And the Jersey? What may that be?”

“Cream, you gillie! Don’t Jerseys give cream?” Another chunk of information imbedded itself in the reporter’s brain. “But you said ' cow,’ too. What is that?” eagerly asked the reporter, who thought he had tripped the man of the rail. “Plain, everyday milk; no cream!” A silence of nineteen seconds intervened, and the reporter asked: “Maybe you could tell me what ‘twisters’ are ?” With a look of pain in his eyes the harassed man answered: “Doughnuts, mister; ain’t doughnuts the twistiest things you ever saw ?” A joint state of facts was immediately agreed up, and the seeker after knowledge continued: “Then salve is ” “Butter, oleomargarine, butterine, and cetera. At least it looks more like salve than anything I know,” was the quick rejoinder. “I believe I heard you ask the waiter to pull the teat. Did he have a cow?” “Partner, I think you are the greenest jay that ever rode this line. That means to turn the handle on the coffeeurn and ” “Forfcv drops are of .bourse ” “Coffee!” “But tell me. What in the name of senseis ‘dope’?” / “Gravy, mister, gravy! I guess you want to know what half-sole is, too ?” “What is it?” “Restaurant beefsteak!” “What did the waiter mean when he said that you had a case and a half on your tab, and what did you mean when you said the golden chariot was coming?” inquired the reporter, as he offered up a good cigar on the shrine of knowledge. “Oh! I owe $1.50 for meals, and I told him the pay-car was coming down. Say, why don’t you learn English, my friend?” The reporter pleaded adverse circumstances in early youth and a fondness for yielding to the temptation of angling during business hours, and leaving the car went into his own in time to hear an old gentlemen say: “When I asked that blamed skunk for doughnuts and milk he yelled, * Twisters and cow for one!’ ” The railroad man has a complete vocabulary, in which every article in general use is written under a technical name. For instant the succulent bean, the food of the demigods who people Boston, is known as “dynamite.” When pickled pork is desired the combination is known as “brass band, with a leader.” Whisky, the universal panacea, so admirably disguised under an avafanche of suggestive names, is known to the fraternity of the rail as “coffee under the counter.” Boiled milk is said to have been “sunstruck. ” To the uniniated the demand for “bowlders” at a lunch counter would create a surprise, yet the railroad waiter quietly hands oat hard-boiled eggs for one. The railroad waiter himself becomes so accustomed to the technical nomenclature that he is frequently at a loss to understand an order given in plain English. There is a legend among railroad men that far back in the shadowy past a passenger who got off

at a station where none but railroad men ate, died of starvation because the waiter could not comprehend his perfectly intelligible (to other people) order.

Casa Leopardi.

Casa Leopardi is stately, cold and grim. As a summer residence it would be agreeable, but Arctic in winter, with its outlook at the Apennines, whose breath blows straight upon it. A small piazza is before the house, with the towers of two or three dingy red churches within a stone’s throw of the gate. Some inferior houses form the rest of the square, and it was at the windows of one of these houses that young Leopardi, peering from his own bedroom window, used to see the two girlish faces (Nerina and Silvia) which first stirred his boyish heart A high, white wall forms part of the long facade of Casa Leopardi, and the tops of orange trees and other greenery peering over the wall show that here is the garden wherein the young Leopardis used to play. Tbe memory of Giacomo Leopardi is magnificently enshrined within Casa Leopardi by the present Count and his family. One sees the suite of rooms which compose the rare old library of the house, preserved as they were when Giacomo spent his days in them. The very tables on which he wrote are as they were, with his inkstand, pen, favorite writing pad, and so on. But there is, besides, a superb room decorated with rich marbles and with much upholstery in crimson velvet, which is devoted to the manuscripts, published works and bibliography of the poet. These are displayed, amid a glitter of brass and glass, in ebony mounted cases. From the first childish scribblings to the last of his manuscripts, one sees them all. Knowing the history of Giacomo Leopardi and the history of his parents, both of whom survived him, it is easy to animate this old house with imaginative shapes that are not wholly unreal. —All the Year Round.

The Old Story Told Again.

Atchison Globe: My lover came down to the garden gate, and he whispered so soft tome—(O, well I remember, the hour was late, and we stood by the chestnuv tree; and he gathered me up in his arms so strong, and his eyes were alight with love; and little we cared for the nightingale’s song in the limbs of the tree above!) His voice was soft as a golden lyre, as he whispered his thoughts to lne, and his eyes were filled with heroic fire, that was grand for a maid to see. And what were the words that my lover said, as we stood by the gate alone? O, how gently he lifted my drooping head, as he said in his manly tone —(O, I seem to stand by the gate again, as I stood in that night in June, while the nightingale murmured its happy strain in the light of a happy moon! And the glad, glad thoughts that came to my breast as he whispered those words to me! The sun was hid in the golden west, sunk low in the flowing sea!) And my lover sighed lest his words should meet a short and cruel rebuff, as he cried in a voice that was strangely sweet, “Well, say, is this hot enough?”

The Alligator’s Meal.

An observer down South says an alligator’s throat is an animated sewer. Everything that lodges in his open mouth goes down. He is a lazy dog, and instead of hunting for something to eat, he lets his victuals hunt for him. That is, he lies with his great mouth open, apparently dead like the possum. Soon a bug crawls into it, then .a fly, then several gnats and a colony of mosquitoes. The alligator doesn’t close his mouth yet. He is waiting for a wfiole drove of things. He does his eating by wholesale. A little later a lizard will cool himself under the shade of the upper jaw. Then a few frogs will hop up to catch the mosquitoes. Then more mosquitoes and gnats will light on the frog. Finally a whole village of insects and reptiles settle down for an afternoon picnic. Then all at once there is an earthquake. . The big jaw falls, the alligator blinks one eye, gulps down the entire menagerie, and opens his great front door again for more visitors.

A Dishonest Man.

“I never saw a greater rascal in my life than old Smith is,” remarked a farmer. “What makes you think so?” queried a friend. “Why, he said that the first sack of oats that I sold him was too light, so I put a large iron wedge in the next sack of oats, just to please him, you know, and ” “Did he kick against the wedge?” “No, he would have split his foot if he had kicked against the wedge. He did worse. ” “Did worse ?” “Yes; tho blamed old thief kept the wedge.” —Newman Independent.

Culinary Item.

Matilda Snowball is cook for the family of Colonel Percy Yerger. Mrs. Yerger had unexpectedly received company, but was unprepared to entertain them. “Matilda, we will have a poor dinner. I expect we will have to make aa apology. ” “Make a poligy! How kin we make a poligy ? We ain’t got no eggs, no butter, no miflin. ’’ —Texas Siftings. To the crook who dines in a restaurant the silver spoons are like some kinds of medicine—to be taken after meals.— St. Paul Herald. London was originally a mere collection of wattle huts in the vicinity of the present Tower.

A Sodden Sensation

Of chilliness invading the backbone, followed by hot flushes and profuse perspiration. We all know these symptoms, if not by experience, from report What's the best thing cm the programme? Quinine? A dangerous remedy, truly. Produces caries of the bones, only affords temporary relief. Is there no substitute? Assuredly, a potent but safe one—Hostetter g Stomach Bitters, a certain, speedy means of expelling from the system every trace of tbe virus of miasma. Use it promptly, persistently. The result—a cure is certain to follow the use of this beneficent restorative of health. Dyspepsia, liver complaint, nervous ailments, rheumatism and inactivity of the kidneys and bladder, are also among the maladies permanently remediable through tbe genial aid of this wholesome botanic msdicine, recommended by the medical fraternity.

A King’s Son Turned Carpenter.

An Altona newspaper publishes the interesting intelligence that a son of King Bell of Cameroon, Alfred Bell, has been apprenticed to a carpenter of that town, along with three other dusky Africans. The youth is 16 years old, and is said to be very intelligent, reading and writing fairly well and speaking English and German. The Altona carpenter had sent oat an artisan to Cameroon to superintend the erection of the government building and prison, which he had built in wood for the colony, and thus it was that King Bell got the desire to make a carpenter out of his son, who is bound for four years. It is noticeable how many foreigners go to Germany nowadays for the purpose of learning trades. Japanese especially are engaged in large numbers in Berlin, and they have the character of being very intelligent, industrious, and quick of comprehension.—Pall Mall Gazette. It is stated that forty-three persons are employed in Queen Victoria’s kitchen. No wonder there is dyspepsia in the royal family.

“Don’t Marry Him!”

“He is such a fickle, inconsistent fellow, you will never be happy with him,” said Esther’s friends when they learned of her engagement to a young man who bore the reputation of being a sad flirt Esther, however, knew that her lover had good qualities, and she was willing to take the risk. In nine cases out of ten it would have proved a mistake; but Esther was an uncommon girl, and to everv one’s surprise Fred made a model husband How was it? Well, Esther had a cheerful, sunny temper and a great deal of tact Then she enjoyed perfect health and was always so sweet, neat, and wholesome that Fred found his own home most pleasant, and his own wife more agreeable than any other being. As the years passed and he saw other women of Esthers age grow sickly, faded, and querulous, he realized more and more that he had “a jewel of a wifa ” Good health was half the secret of Esther’s success. She retained her vitality and good looks, because she warded off feminine weaknesses and ailments by the use of Dr. Pierce’s Favorite Prescription.

An editorial writer employs “ the sword of Damocles” so often that the exasperated compositor cries, “D —nodes!” Texas Siftings. A Sore Throat or Cough, if suffered to progress, often results in an incurable throat or lung trouble. “ Brown's Bronchial Troches” give instant relief. “Have you heard why the English dude is not wanted in America?” “No; why?” “Because the Yankee dood’ll do.” Offer No. 170. FREE!—'To Mebohants Only: A tripleplated Silver Set (6 knives, 6 forks, 6 teaspoons, 1 sugar-spoon, 1 butter knife), in satin-lined case. Address at once, R. W. Tansill & Co., 55 State street, Chicago. If afflicted with Sore Eyes, use Dr. Isaac Thompson’s Eye Water. Druggists sell it 25c. FLORIDA; “Its Advantages and Drawbacks.” For this book free, or Flori la maps, books, lands, or tickets, address O. M. CROSBY, Box 1887, New York. Sick Headache Is one of the most distressing affections; and people who are its victims deserve sympathy. But the great success Hood's Sarsaparilla has had in curing sick headache makes it seem almost foolish to allow the trouble to continue. By its toning and invigorating effect upon the digestive organs, Hood’s Sarsaparilla readily gives relief when headache arises from indigestion ; and in neuralgic conditions by building up the debilitated system Hood's Sarsaparilla overcomes the difficulty. “My wife suffered from sick headache and neuralgia. After taking Hood’s Sarsaparilla she was much relieved.” W. R. Babb, Wilmington, Ohio. Hood’s Sarsaparilla Sold by all druggists. *1; six for $5. Prepared only by C. I. HOOD & CO., Lowell, Mass. 100 Poses One Dollar gffilJJl Ely’s Cream Balm Price 50 Cents. c o!row Will do more In Caring l* f!VE #Ja CATARRH Hi / Than WSOO In any cCEffiyM other way. SbShSkcvS Apply Balm into each nostril. WwvVffl uaA. 1 ELY BROS., 535 Greenwich St., N. V. HOME Study. Secure a Business Education by mail from Bryant’s Business College,Buffalo,N.Y. MENTION THIS PAPER whin writing to advi«tuiu. VWFQTn WC* to Soldiers an&Heix*, L. BINOJtrJSdA HAM, Att’y, Washington, D.C. MENTION THIS PAPER whin whitino to auvshtmisi. nmn Mablt Clirod satisfactory before anr pay, Wl IW fifl Prof. J. M. (URTOS, ZZtk Waril, Ciaelanatl, a MENTiO.n I fii.s I'At r.ii • wuiiisu to auvmniskha. _ INDIGESTION and DYSPEPSIA. Over 3,non Physicians have sent us their approval of DIGIiHTYLTN, saving that it is the best preparation for Indigestion that they have ever used. "We h ive never hevrd of a ease of Dyspepsia where DIGESTYLIN was taken that was not cured. FOR GSH9LERA INFANTUM. IT WILL OURK THE MOST AGGRAVATED CARES. IT WILL STOP VOMITING I s PREGNANCY. It WILL RELIEVE CONSTIPAT.ON. For Summer Complaints and Chronic Diarrhea, which are the direct results of Imperfect digestion, DIGESTYLIN will effect an immediate cure. Take DIGESTYLIN for all pains and disorders of the stomach; they ail come from indigestion. Ask Sour druggist for DIQEBTYLIN (price $1 per large ottle). If he does not have it, send one dollar to us and we will send a bottle to you,express prepaid. Do not hesitate to send your money. Our house, is reliable. Established twenty-five years. WM. F. KIDDER & CO., Manufacturing Chemists, 83 John St, N. 1. MENTION THIS PAPER was* wbstuhi to asTsansasa.

The Old Silver Spoon.

How fresh in my mind ere the days of my sickness. When I tossed me in pain, ell fevered end sore; The burning, the nausea, the sinking and weakness, And even the old spoon that my medicine bore. The old silver spoon, the family spoon, The sick-chamber spoon that my medioine bore. How loath were my fever-parched lipe to receive it, How nauseous the stuff that It bor# to my tongue, And the pain at my inwards, oh, naught oould relieve it, Though tears of disgust from my eyeballs it wrung. The old silver spoon, the medicine spoon. How awful the stuff that it left on my tongue. Such is the effect of nauseous, griping medicines which make the sick-room a memory of horror. Dr. Pieroe’e Pleasant Purgative Pellets, on the contrary, are small, sugar-coated, easy to take, purely vegetable, and perfectly effective. 25 cents a viaL “Which will you have, chloroform or laughing gas?" inquired the dentist “Ether will answer,” replied the patient. Don’t hawk, hawk, and blow, blow, disgusting everybody, but use Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy. A past man is very slow when it comes to paying his debts.

How to Gain Flesh and Strength.

Use after each meal Scott’s Emulsion with Hypophosphites. It is as palatable as milk, and easily digested. The rapidity with which delicate people improve with its use is wonderful. Use it and try your weight As a remedy for Consumption, 'J hroat affections, and Bronchitis, it is unequaled. Please read: “I used Scott’s Emulsion in a child eight months old with good results. He gained four Sounds in & very short time.”—Tho. Prim, L D., Alabama. A nADT correspondent wants to know why, since the invention of needle guns, women can’t fight as well as men.

Catarrh Cured.

A clergyman, after years of suffering from that loathsome disease, Catarrh, and vainly trying every known remedy, at last found a prescription which completely cured and saved him from death. Any sufferer from this dreadful disease sending a self-addressed stamped envelops to Prof. J. A Lawrence, 212 East Ninth street, New York, will receive the recipe free of charge. Gkt Lyon’s Patent Heel Stiffeners applied to your new boots and shoes before you wear them out

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c - N - P- No. 43-87 W H P WRITING TO ADVERTISERS* I* thtfp»per. aJr y °" * aW the a «*vertlaement