Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 October 1887 — Where the 914 Maids Come in. [ARTICLE]

Where the 914 Maids Come in.

“Do you know, sir," inquired an American tourist of his companion, while doing England, “can you inform me the reason for the fresh, healthful appearance of the English people? Their complexion is far superior to ours, or our countrymen over the herring pond.” “Well, I know what Prof. Huxley says.” “And what reason does he advance ?* “Well, Huxley says it is all owing to the old maids.” “Owing to old maids! You surprise me.” “Fact. Huxley figures it out this way. Now, you know the English are very fond of roast beef.” “But what has that to do with old maids?” “Go slow. This genuine English beef is the best and most nutritious beef in the world, and it imparts a beautiful complexion.” “Weil, ab iut the old maids?” von see the excellence of this Engl sh bee; is duo exclusively to red clover. J o you see tue.point?” “All but the old maids. They are still hovering in the shadows.” "Why, don’t you see?” This red clover is enriched, sweetened, and fructified by bumblebees.” “But where do the old maids come in?” said the inquisitive American, wiping his brow wearily. “Why, it is as plain as the nose on your face. The only enemy of the bumblebee is the field-mouse.” “But what have roast-beef, red clover, bumblebees, and field-mice got to with old maids?” “Why, you must be very obtuse. Don’t you preceive that the bumble-bees would soon become exterminated by the field-mice if it were not for ” “Old maids?” “No, if it were not for cats, and the old maids of Old England keep the country thoroughly stocked up with cats, and so we can directly trace the effects of the rosy English complexions to the benign cause of English old maid, at least that’s what Harry says about it, and that’s just where the old maids come in. Science makes dear many mysterious things,”