Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 September 1887 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Too fond of their cups—Yachtsmen. A mantel shelf —A girl’s shoulders. Out of season—An empty pepperbox. It is a wise stock that knows its own par. Michelet writes: “Woman is the Sunday of man;” that is to say the other days are the weak ones. England may be “mistress of the C’s,” but she has never been able to fairly master the H’s.— Boston Gazette. A French philosopher says: “The surest way to please is to forget one’s self.” This is also the surest method of making an ass of one’s self. — Texas Siftings. The American Missionary Society sent 5,000 pairs of trousers to Burmah last year. This is charity that covereth a multitude of shins.— Somerville {Mass.) Journal. “Come out of that, you brigand, you rascal, you assassin!” screamed his gentle companion. “No, madame,” he replied calmly, “I won’t come out lam going to show you that I shall do as I please in my own house!” Fogg—What do you think of Dole? Bogg—l think he is one of the biggest liars I ever knew. Fogg—Of course; he said I was a fool the other day. Bogg—lndeed! Well, I may have misjudged him.— Tid-Bits. Photograph collector “By the way, I’ve been making a collection of monstrosities lately.” Friend—“lndeed?” P. C.—“ Yes. And that reminds me: will you kindly let me have one of your photographs?” “I hear,” said Molecule, “that Trilobite has lost his mind.” “Must have been one that he borrowed then,” said Atom, “he never had one of his own.” “Ah!” said Molecule, “I had forgotten he was married.”— Burdette. “I heard a capital story last night,” observed an editorial writer of one of our esteemed contemporaries to his chief. “All right,” replied the latter; “put stutter marks in it and credit it to the late Mr. Travers.”—Pitisburgr C/ironicZe. Boston girl—“ Tell me, my friend, do you admire Hawthorne?” New York girl—“Oh, my, yes! I think it is great. When we were at Saratoga, I used to drink two big glasses of it every morning before breakfast.”— Lowell Citizen.

Eva—“l suppose these extremely nice-looking young men are the students, or house surgeons or something?” Maud—“No doubt. Do you know, Eva, I should very much like to be a hospital nurse.” Eva—“ How strange! Why, the very same idea has just occurred to me.” Amateur actor (to professional)— Have you ever been injured in any railroad accident while traveling about the country, Mr. Ham? Professional —I tad a leg broken once, on my way from Chicago to New York. Amateur —How did it happen ? Professional— Trying to get out of the way of a train. —New York Sun. Inspector (examining a class} — “What is a prophet ?” No answer being given, he called upon the head scholar and put the question in this form: “If I were to foretell that you would be sitting in this school two months hence, what would I be ?” Boy —“A leer, sir; for we’re gaun to flit next week, and a‘m no’ coming to this skule after that.” Government clerk (to bosom friend) —Just got myself into a horrible mess! I went yesterday to see two doctors and obtained from each a medical certificate —one a certificate of health for the life insurance company, and the other a certificate of illness to inclose in |my petition for leave of absence. And there, if I didn’t go and put them into the wrong envelopes!