Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 August 1887 — Page 7
A Base-Ball Sermon.
The Rev. Mr. Woolsack, popularly known as "The Deacon,” in his sermon up the creek last Sunday, as reported by the Oil City Derrick, made a few remarks pertinent to base-ball. Pointing out of the window at a game in progress on the adjoining Wilson flats, he said: “See that loafer with the bird-cage on his head standing like a straddle-bug behind the bat. He is not desecrating the Sabbath day by playing ball, because he isn t playing ball. He can’t play. He imagines he can, of course, and goes through all the painful contortions of a real ball-player, but in the Devil’s score-book he is charged ten times over for every error he makes, and a nice record he will have when the season is over and the time for his eternal rest should be at hand. It will be a sorry rest for him.” Just then some one made a long hit aud a shout went up from the crowd. “Yes, hoopla!” yelled the deacon, raising his voice above the din, “hoopla till the cows come home, but unless you raise your voices in hosannas to the Lord you will never reach the shining home-plate of everlasting life. That was a long hit to center, and I give his nibs there credit for taking it in, but the Devil will take him in just as slick on the last inning of all. You may send in your curved balls, and smash the leather in the nose to the right or to the left field; you may steal from bag to bag and slide in home on your pantaloons, but finally you will get a goose egg in the kingdom to come. Aye, pound on the pearly gates with your base-ball bat, but if there is a shadow of a Sunday game on it down to the eternal roast you go. Saint Peter careth not whether you belong to the Snapdragons or Whangdoodles; if you swing your festive willow and pound the bags Sunday saltpeter will not save you. There goes another long hit to left, and another howl goes up from the assembled .multitude of dudes and loafers. Chase the ball; aye, leg it until your ungodly heels beat a tattoo on your coattails, but my word for it the Devil will never get away fro myour elbow. Old Clootie is a base-runner and a ball-chaser himself, and he will stay with you until his own dominions freeze over and have to be abandoned for an ice pond.” The deacon made a few more remarks, exhorting his hearers to shun the seductive ball-field and the trout pond Sunday, and announced services next Sabbath morning and evening at the red school-house in Sugarcreek.
They Meant Business.
Girl’s brother (while girl is dressing to receive company)—"What is a snide, Mr. Jones? Girl’s beau (who has just called)— A snide? Well, my boy, I can hardly tell you. Girl’s brother —Well, I guess I can. Girl’s beau—Well, what is a snide? Girl’s brother—Well, a snide is a feller that comes up to the house every night and burns coal oil and coal in the stove and never says to Mamie when shall you name the day, that’s what Mamie says a snide is. Giri’s beau—And does Mamie say that? Girl’s brother—She does, and she told pap last night to give you a booting if you don’t propose to her. Girl’s beau—She did? Girl’s brother—She did, and you should see her eyes flash when she said so. Girl’s beau —Good heavens! Well, I must be go ng. Girl’s brother—l wouldn’t advise you to go. The bull dog’s unt ed and pap’s in the yard with a shot-gun. Girl’s beau—What must I do? Girl’s brother—Propose to Mamie. Girl’s beau—And if I don’t your father is to boot me, the dog is to be set on me, and I am to run the risk of being shot besides ? Girl’s brother—Yes. Y’ou have been teaching Mamie the various definitions of kissing for a long time. Pap says that there is only one definition of marriage and that definition is splice. If you don’t splice to Mamie father says he will break your back. Girl’s beau—Let us have peace. Let darling Mamie come in and we will have the ceremony performed at once. —Boston Courier.
Painless Regulation.
It is no longer a question of doubt—although the contrary was once believed—that medicines which produce violent effects are unsuited to other than desperate emergencies. In other words, that super-potent remedies are calculated to weaken and injure the system rather than reform its irregularities. Among medicines of debilitating effect are cathartics and cholagogues which copiously and abruptly evacuate the bowels. Because it does not do this, Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters is preferable to the drenching class of purgatives. Painless in its effects, it is sufficiently active to remedy chronic constipation. It relieves by invigorating the intestines, and enables, not forces, them to perform the duty imposed upon them by nature. Promoting the secretion of bile in normal quantities by its healthfully stimulating effect upon the liver, it is eminently conducive to digestion, and contributes in no small degree to keep the bowels regular.
A Greedy Old Girl.
During Queen Victoria’s reign—may ter shadow never grow less; it can’t grow very much greater—there has been added to her realm 7,260,000 square miles of territory, and the population she controls in her colonies has been about trebled. This is why our big-hearted mother country shudders with horror every time she sees any other nation casting greedy eyes upon an island in the Arctic Ocean, forty miles square. If Victoria—God save the Queen —reigns another fifty years, God save the rest of us. She would by that time own so much of this earth that the British possessions would stick out beyond the edges half way to the moon, and all the H factories in the universe would be running on time. Burdette. Said a young lady to a young man: “How far is it around the world ?” to which he replied, “About one arm’s length, I should judge—you are all the world to me.’’— Ele tri ■ Light. Mrs. W. K. Vanderbilt has a great Antipathy for cats.
Easily Satisfied.
“Money, my dear young friend,” said an elderly adviser, “doesn’t alone bring happiness in this world. ” “I know it doesn’t, sir,” responded the young man, frankly. “It only brings terrapin, and small bottles, and trips to Europe, and canvas-backs, and lying abed late in the mornings, and taking tailor-made girls to the opera nights, and all that sort of grief and misery. Give me a contented mind and, say, $20,000 a year, and somebody else can have the money,” he concluded, with fine scorn — Life. In the thirteenth century Pope Honorius Ilf., in order to conceal a disfigured lip, allowed his beard to grow, and inaugurated anew the fashion, which became prevalent in Europe in the age of Francis I. The right of the clergy to wear their beards was then again disputed. In 1561 the College of Sorbonne decided that a beard was contrary to sacerdotal modesty.
The Poor Little Ones.
We oft.*n see chh Iren with red eruphons on sacs a id hanl<, rough, scaly skin, aid often sores 01 the head. These things indicate a deprave i c.iadt on of the blood. In the growing period children have need of pure bl.io 1 by whic i to build up strong and nea thy bodies. If Dr. Pierce's “Golden Medical Discovery” is given the blood is purgid of its bad elements, aud the child’s development will be healthy, and as it i-hould be. Scrofulous affections, rickets, fever sores, hip-joint disease, or other grave maladies aid sufferings are sure to result from neglect and lack of proper attention to such cases.
A young physician, being asked by a friend why he did not hang out a shingle, replied: “Oh, I don’t believe in signs, you know. ” Mild, soothing, and healing is Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy. The tight-laced woman has always good staying power.— Boston Gazette.
"Consumption Can Be Cured.”
Dr. J. 8. Combs, Owensville, Ohio, says: “I have given Scott’s Emulsion of Cod Liver Oil with Hypophosphites to four patients with better results than seemed possible with any remedy. All were hereditary cases of Lung disease, and advanced to that stage when Coughs, pain in the chest, frequent breathing, frequent pulse, fever and Emaciation. All these eases have increased in weight from 16 to 28 lbs., and are not now needing any medicine. ” Why should the letter “d” always be introduced into a family? Because it makes “kin" kind.
Harvest Excursions.
The Burlington Route, C., B. and Q. R. R., will sell, on Aug. 30, Sept 20. and Oct 11, Harvest Excursion Tickets at one faro for the round trip to principal points in Nebraska, Kansas, Minnesota, and Dakota. Limit, thirty days. For tickets and further information conc -rmng these excursions, call on the nearest C., B. and Q. Ticket Agent.
The Fall School.
The fall school at Gem City Business College begins Hept. 5, with a grand reunion in the Opera House, Friday evening, Sept. 9. A lull business course, a Normal Penmanship course, Shorthand, and lype-writing all taught by eflioieut teachers. Catalogue and full particulars iont free. Address, D. T, Musselman, A M., Principal, Gem City Business Co.lege, Quincy, Ilk
Harvest Excursions.
The Great Rock Island Route (C., R. L and P. Ry.) will sell Aug. 30, Sept 20 an I Oct 11, Harvest Excursion tickets at One Fabe the Round Trip to principal points in Kansas, Nebrnska, .Northwestern lowa, Minnesota, and Dakota; limit 3J days from date of sale. For tickets or further information, address E. A Holbrook, General Ticket and Passenger Ageut, Chicago, HL R. W. Tansill & Co., Chicago: Your “Tansill’s Punch” 5c cigars arc go'ng off like hot cakei. I intend that they shall be well advert sed. Wm. F. H. Stephenson, Buffalo, N. Y. The best cough medicine is Piso’s Cure for Consumption. Sold everywhere. 25c.
All Used Up Strength all gone. Tired out. Overworked. Feeling mean and miserable.—You must not neglect yourself longer. Delays are dangerous. The downward tendency of your system must be stopped. Y'ou need the toning, strengthening, building up properties of Hood's Sarsaparilla to restore you to health, give you an appetite, and make you active, cheerful, and willing to work. “I felt good results from the first dose of Hood’s Sarsaparilla. It seemed to go from my head to my toes. I know Hood’s Sarsaparilla is a good thing, and on the strength of my own experience I have sold a great deal of it.” G. H. Stratton, druggist, Westfield, Mass. Hood’s Sarsaparilla Sold by all druggists. $1; six for $5. Prepared by C. L HOOD & CO., Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass. IOO Doses One Dollar. KIDDER’S A SURE cure for INDIGESTION and DYSPEPSIA. Over 5,000 Physicians have sent us their approval of DIGESTYLIN, saying that it is the best preparation for Indigestion that they have ever used. We have never heard of a case of Dyspepsia where DIGESTYLIN was taken that was not cured. FOR CHOLERA INFANTUM. IT WILL CURE.THE MOST AGGRAVATED CASES. IT WILL STOP VOMITING IN PREGNANCY. IT WILL RELIEVE CONSTIPATION. For Summer Comp aint* and Chronic Diarrhea, which are the direct results of imperfect digestion, DIGESTYLIN will effect an immediate cure. Take DIGESTYLIN for al< i>ains and disorders of the stomach; they all come from indigestion. Ask your druggist for DIGESTYLIN (price JI per large bo’tle). If he does not have it, eetv me dolla-to us and we will send a bottle to you, ....press prepaid.Do not hesitate to send your money. Our house is reliable. Estiblished twi-nty-ftve years. ' WM. I’. KIDDER & CO., Mevyifacluiiii r Ch mists. S 3 John St.. N.Y. M/ITION THIS PATER wh.h whitik. to aovaaTusu..
For a woman to say she does not use Procter & Gamble’s Lenox Soap, is to admit she is “behind the times.” Nobody uses ordinary soap now they can get “ Lenox.” ,
A Lovely Complexion.
“What a lovely complexion,” we often hear persons say; “I won ler what she does for it?” In every ca e the purity and real loveliness of the complexion depends upon the blood. Those wno have sallow, b otchy faces may make t :eir akin sinxith and healthy by taking enough of Dr. Pierce's “Golden Medical Discovery” to drive out the humors lurking in the system.
In prohibition States liquor seems to be a drug.— Washington Post. Ask your shoe and hardware dealers for Lyon’s Heel Stiffeners; they keep bouts and shoes straight to 18 » day. Samples worth 11A0, FREE. WK lines not under the horse’s feet. Write tF Brewster Safety Rein Holder Co., Holly. Mich MENTION THIS PAPER was. vunM r. ißTunuu. nUTtMTC R. 8. fc A. P Lacxy, Patent r" H® S ■ N B Attorneys,Washington. DC. ■ ■■ ■ Issvw ■ W Instructions and opinions as to patentability FREE. years experience. RADWAY’S PILLS, Tor the cure of all dlsorde-s of the Stomach, Liver, Bowels, Kidneys. Bladder, Nervous Diseases, Loss of Appetite, Headache, Constipation, Costiveness, Indigestion, Biliousness, Fever, inflammation of the Bowels, Piles, and all derangements of the internal viscera. Purely vegetable, containing no mercury, minerals, or deleterious drugs. A FINE, SURE MEDICINE. Radway & Co.—Gentlemen: Your Pills have often warded off s ckuess in my family. 1 never think it sate to be without them; they are a fine, sure medicine. Most respectfully yours, HENRY HENWORTH. Chebanse, Iroquois County, 111. What a Physician Fays of Railway’s I*lllß. I am using your R. R. Relief and your Regulating Pills, and have recommended them above all pills, and sell a great many of them. I have them on band always, and use them in my practice aud in my own family, and expect to, in preference of all Pills. Yours respectfully, DR. A. C. MIDDLEBROOK, Doraville, Ga. DYSPEPSIA. DR. RADWAY’S PILES are a cure for thia complaint. They restore strength to the stomach and enable it to perform its functions. The symptoms of Dyspepsia disappear, and with them the liability of the system to contract diseases. Dyspepsia of Long Standing Cured. Dr. Radway—l have for years been troubled with Dyspepsia and Liver Complaint, and found but little relief until I got your Pills, and they made a perfect cure. They are the best medicine I ever had in my life. Your friend forever, WILLIAM NOONAN, Blanchard, Mich. Price. 25 cents per box. Bold by all druggist’. MENTION THIS PAPER wain wamsa to mnnuu.
THE originai - \VA VX33 LITTLE LIVER PILLS. ® BJEW-4KE OF IMITATIONS I O® ® ilk t\W CVX Always ask for Dr. Pierce’s Pellets, or Little O O Q Soger-coated Granules or Pills.
BEING ENTIRELY VEGETABLE, Dr. Pierce’s Pellets operate without disturbance to the system, diet, or occupation. Pnt up in glass vials, hermetically sealed. Always fresh and reliable. As a LAXATIVE, ALTERATIVE, or PURGATIVE, these little Pellets give the most perfect satisfaction.
a’ SICK HEADACHE Bilious Headache, Dizziness, Constipation, Indigestion, Bilious Attacks, and all derangements of the stomach and bowels, are promptly relieved and permanently cured by the use of Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Purgative Pellets. In explanation of the remedial power of these Pellets over so great a variety of diseases, it may truthfully be said that their action upon the system is universal, not a gland or tissue escaping their sanative influence. Sold by druggists, for 25 cents a vial. Manufactured at the Chemical Laboratory of World’s Dispensary Medical Association, Buffalo, N. Y.
f Ho WrtMIB A ((cis offered by wD $ Rarrh Remefl; FOR A CASE OF CATARRH WHICH THEY CAN NOT CURE.
RYMPTOMS OF CATARRH. Dull, heavy headache, obstruction of the nasal passages, discharges falling from the head into the throat, sometimes profuse, watery, and acrid, at others, thick, tenacious, mucous, purulent, bloody and putrid; the eyes are weak, watery, and inflamed; there is ringing in the ears, deafness, hacking or coughing to clear the throat, expectoration of offensive matter, together with scabs from ulcers; the voice is changed aad has a nasal twang; the breath is offensive; smell and taste are impaired ; there is a sensation of dizziness, with mental depression, a hacking cough and general debility. However, only a few of the above-named symptoms are likely to be present in any one case. Thousands of cases annually, without manifesting half of the above symptoms, result in consumption, and end in the grave. No disease is so common, more deceptive and dangerous, less understood, or more unsuccessfully treated by physicisns. By its mild, soothing, and healing properties, DR. SAGE’S CATARRH REMEDY CURES THE WORST CASES CV Catarrh, “Cold in the Head,” Coryza,and Catarrhal Headache. BOLD BY DRUGGISTS EVERYWHERE, FFLICE, 50 CXB3XTTS.
H THOUSANDS “yf-t Ely’s Cream Balm cured them of HAY-FEVER Apply Balm into each nostril. nninu Mo^ h J Be 10 ! * 81(8 •» 20 day.. Xo pay tilt cured. Wl I Will Dr. J. Stephens, Lebanon, Ohio. MENTION THIS PAPER fem vbstuhb »• tsvtimuta. FRAZER AXLE GREASE. Beat In the World. Get the genuine. Every nacknae has our Trudc-uucrk and in marked Frnzcr’a. SOLD LVtlll WHERE. MARVELOUS MEMORY . holly unlike artificial nyMtmin. Any book learned in one reading. Recoiunv“n<ied by Mark Twain, Rtchard Proctor the HelentUt. Hon*. W. W Astor. Judah P. Benjamin, Dr. Minor, etc* Uiaaaof luu Columbia law atudenta, two clai-Kg each at Yule. University of Penn , UUUat Wellesley Coileg \ etc. Prospectus post free. I'KOr. Fifth Ave.. New York. MENTION THUS PAPER wren writing to Aornnuas.
PAYNE ENGINES. S ENGINES Wk F BOILERS of all Sixes. - WRITE FOR CIRCULAR AND TELL US WHAT YOU WANT. "W". I’.A.'srNrzHi eb cons, Drawer 1130, ELMIRA, N. Y, Branch OuPTrrq• 1 10 s<mlh Canal »<*••». Chicago, hi. DnALtUn UPbILLb- 4S Dt>r street, KEW YORK,
rIuSSSBJ: Maas. MENTION THIS PAPER whkm wkitinu to mdvbbtubm. mi jo j£ es JSBIk y/ Ton Wagon Scales, Iron Ix-r<-ra, Sue! Hearing,, Brwa Tare Beam and Beam Bor for Krerr free price Hal 'A / men Moo (Ma paper and addrMa r S. wK** 1 V of •>nohamtm. : BINGHAMTON. N. Jf.
William Ramich, Esq., of Minden, Kearney County, Nebraska, writes: “ I was troubled with boils for _ thirty years. Four years ago I was so afflicted with LIIRFR them that I could not walk. I bought two bottles wuiilu. O f Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Purgative Pellets, and took i x x< ? n ® Pullet' after each meal, till all were gone. By that time I had no boils, and have had none since. I nave also been troubled with sick headache. When I feel it coming on, I take one or two ’Pellets,’ and am relieved of the headache.’’ Mrs. C. W. Brown, of Wapakoneta, Ohio, IHE BEST Bays: Your ‘Pleasant Purgative Pellets’are A without question the best cathartic ever bATNARTIR B<,ld - Th ®y aro a,B ° a moßt efficient remedy wMiiiHiiiiu. for torpor of the liver. We have used them for years in our family, and keep them in the house all the time."
Prof. W. Hausnbr, the famous mesmerUNTOLD AGONY tet ’ of ltha f a ' “Bome ten wniuui Mnuni years j gu ff eret j un told agony from nnil n*T!DDD chronic nasal catarrh. My family physimun UAIAnnA. cian gave me up as incurable, and said I must die. My case was such a bad one, that every day, towards sunset, my voice would become so hoarse I could barely speak above a whisper. In the morning my coughing and clearing of my throat would almost strangle me. By the use of Dr. Sage's Catarrh Remedy, in three months, I was a well man, and the cure has been permanent.” nnuHviuvni n . TH r OM^ S Jjßushito, Esq., not Pine Street, uONSTANTLY Mo., writes: “I was a great sufserer from catarrh f Or three years. At HAWKING AND times I could hardly breathe, and was conunnaina Anu gtantly hawking and spitting, and for the SPITTING laßt «W ht months could not breathe through Urll I inn. the nostrils. I thought nothing could he done for me. Luckily, I Was advised to try Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy, and I am now c well man. I believe it to be the only sure remedy for catarrh now manufactured. and one has only to give it a fair trial to experience astounding results and a permanent cure.” ~ Eli Bobbins. Runyan P. 0., Columbia Co., I HREE BOTTLES a " sa J rß i, daughter had catarrh when iiiiill wui illu B h e waß fl ve yearg o ld, very i, a diy. j ga W OIIBF IIATAQDU Ba » e ’® Catarrh Remedy advertised, and uunt UAlAnnn. procured a bottle for her, and soon saw —A that it helped her; a third bottle effected a permanent cure. She is now eighteen years old and sound and hearty.”
nmOinilO Laws to U. 8. rrnMllnX «>•«■» Arenta FIFZGKRALD I LIIUIUIIU * POWELL. Indiauapoli". Ind. DETECTIVES Wanted in every County. Shrewd men tn act under our instructions ia our Secret Service. Eiperieace not eary. Send ifi.r for particulars. ORaNNAN DKTEOTlvK BUREAU. 44 Arcade. Cieeinaati, O. FOR . as jjlr. Cures Neuralgia, Toothache, Headache, Catarrh, Croup, Sore Throat, RHEUMATISM. Lame Back, Stiff Joints, Sprains, Bruises, Burns, Wounds, Old Sores and All Aches and Pains. The many testimonials received by u« more than Ku «„ B i we claim for this valuable remedy. II not only relieves the most severe pslns, but It Cures You. That’s the idea I Bold by Drugglsta. SO et» Sono Book mulled free. Address WIZARD OIL COMPANY CHICAGO.
■UI ■ MB Dr. Willisms* Indian Pile Ointment U 11 L a sure cure for blind, bleeding or ■ I L mailed by WILLIAMS MFO. 00.. Cleveland, 0. ______________ Bert Cough Syrup. Tastes good. Use M in time. Sold by C. N. U. No. 35 -87 VLfHBN WRITING TO ADVERTISERS, » please say you saw tlic advertiaemeat in this paper.