Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 August 1887 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

A remark-able object—A phonograph. All birds have something of an airy manner. Ax old-time play Bill-William Sliakepeire. “A Jon lot.” remarked a jocular man who bad three bods. Hanging is too good for a painting that is badly executed. Mi >tto for a hair restorer — “There’s alwavs room at the top.* Striking figures — The Roman characters on the d al of a clock. The only reason some men don’t follow the plow is because it isn’t a woman. Texas Siftings. Silence is golden, but a woman is perfectly willing to take somebody else’s word for it A woman is never so anxious to acknowledge man’s superiority as when her lead pencil gets dull. About the only time woman sees any beautiful member of her sex is when she is looking in a mirror. It is often unsafe for the people who speak of tho title of their ancestry to refer to the ancestry of their title. What is the use of pardoning a man out of the penitentiary, when if h© were out he wouldn’t need any pardon? Thk moralist calls money “woe “It’s gain should bn restricted He mav l>o right, but some we know Would like to be afflicted. —Texas Siftings. When yon see a man doubled over the over the back of a chair, with a wild look in his eye, and his hair standing up the wrong way, don’t think he is drunk, but ask him if there are any more green cucumbers where he got those he is struggling with.— Newman Independent. A Georgia lawyer complains that anybody who owns a copy of the Georgia Code and can borrow six dollars, can gain admission to tho bar of that State. The practice in Dakota is even more simple. Proof of a man’s ability to sit with his feet upon a desk for ten hours and money enough to treat the examining committee lets him in.—Dakota Bell.

A Chicago man visiting Cincinnati was being shown around by a citi/en, who said: “Now, let’s go and see the Widows’ Homo.” The Chicago man put his finger to the side of his nose and winked, und then said: “Not much, Mary Ann; I saw a widow home once, and she sued me for breach of promise and proved it on me, and it cost me sixteen thousand dollars. No, sir; send tho widows home in a hack.” —Carl Pretzel's Weekly. A resident of the rural districts was visiting Boston for the purpose of seeing the sights. The noon hour found him on Tremont row, gazing into the shop windows as he leisurely passed along. It was approaching the time for the regular noon prayer meeting in the room used for that purpose by the Young Men’s Christian Association, and as usual a member of that excellent body was upon the sidewalk, inviting passers-by to enter and participate in the services. As the countryman came up and halted by the door the young man tapped him upon the shoulder and said: “Step right upstairs, my friend; you will find a cordial welcome.” “No, you don’t,” says Mr. liusticus; “yer can’t play any of yer confidence games on me. I’ve hearn tell too much about you fellars to be caught before bein’ in the city two hours.”— Boston Budget.