Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 25, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 July 1887 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

ScoGESTiON'for it back. Oxe acre enough—especially if it be a tender corn. Ox the edge of dis-pair—about to become divorced. A vessel sailing from Cork is incomplete without a Cork’s-crew. I'D rather be the man to find A fault in most of what I see, Than have that vacant, vapid mind Of satisfied insanity. — Siftings. Jay Gould has purchased a 10,000,acre snake farm near St. Louis. It won’t be long until he will convert it into a “water”-snake farm.— Newman Independent. “Hebe, Johnnie, what do you mean by taking Willie’s cake away from him? Didn't you have a piece for yourself?” “Yes, but you told me I always ought to take my little brother’s part.” Corxs ai-e not always o i the feet, as all chiropodists advertise that they have “removed them from several crowned heads.” You always notice a wellcorned maa can’t stand on his feet, though. “Why, Hans, you have the most feminine face I have ever seen on a maa,” said a traveler to a Dutch hotelkeeper. “Oh, var, I know the reason for that,” was the reply; “mine mudder was a woman. ” “We don’t see you very qften at the club, Charley.” “No; the fact is I’m engaged, and can’t call an evening my own.” “Goingto leave the club, then?” “O, no; I shall be married in April, and then you may look for me at least three times a week.” — Philadelphia Call. Lily (secretary of the cooking class) —Now, girls, we’ve learned nine cakes, two kinds of angel food, and seven pies. What next? Busie (engaged)—Dick’s father says I must learn to bake bread. Indignant chorus —Bread? Absurd! What are bakers for?— Pittsburg Built tin. Wife —Tohn, dear, I notice that your brother James never makes a friendly call upon us unless he is intoxicated. Husband—No, my dear, he doesn’t. James reminds me of the moon. W.—Reminds you of the moon? H.—Yes, dear; he never gets round till he’s full. “How silly you look in this picture,” said an Oakland belle, on viewing a photograph presented by a gentleman who intended to absorb her name. “Do I, Sarah? I tried to smile and look sweet when it was taken.” “Smile! If that’s the way you look when you ‘smile,’ I should certaihlyjoin the prohibitionists if I were you.”— SanFrancisto Wasp. James Russell Lowell says that the men of Shakspeare’s day were fortunate in being able to gather their language with the dew upon it. From what we have heard of the gatherings at the Mermaid Tavern, at that time, we should judge that it was saturated with what the Irishman calls “mountain dew.”— Boston Gazette. A territorial editor says in liis paper: “Yesterday we were again married. It will be remembered that both of our former wives eloped with the foreman of the office. To avoid any future inconvenience of the kind we have this time married a lady who is herself a compositor, and she will set the type while we hustle for the ducks who still owe on subscription.”— Dakota Bell. “Well, good-by,” said the Boston lady to Mrs. Parvenu, at the seaside hotel. “I’ve just time to give the head waiter his perquisite before I go.” “I dou’t know, ” said Mrs. Parvenu, musugly, “why she gives him a perquisite. I wonder if that’s any better than a five-dollar bill. Laura,” she said, turning to her daughter, “what’s a perquisite, any way.” THE AMATEUR CARVER. A bachelor tried to carve a goose, In vain! He could not find a thigh-bone loose, ’Twas plain; Be stuck a fork in the creature’s breast. And gravy spurted over his vest, The guests all smiled like seraph’s blest Again. The carver’s face was red and white, Indeed ; He sawed away, if that he might Succeed; His collar parted with a snap, His coat-tail flapped with many a flap, The goose slid into the hostess' lap With speed. —Philadelphia News.