Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 June 1887 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Flint-locks —a miser’s hair. — Texas Siftings. The wearing of the green— a game of billiards. It is wise stock that knows its own par.—Di/e. Dinneb —“Waiter, I see you have got turtle soup on the menu. Is it mock turtle?* Waiter —“No, sir, mud.” The question about extending a call turns sometimes on the age of the parson; the question of accepting it, or the parsonage. A man and his wife are buried in the same grave, and the stone bears the inscription: “Their warfare is accomplished.” A young man wants to know how to bring out a mustache. Tie a cord around it tightly, hitch the cord to a post and then run backward. “Isn’t it heavenly?” ejaculated Miss Gush in reference to Miss Pedal’s performances on the piano. “Yes,” replied Fogg, “it is indeed heavenly; it sounds like thunder.” “This is one of the silent watches of the night,” remarked F angle, as he ■looked at his timepiece on rising one morning and finding that it had stopped at II p. m.— Pittsburg Chronicle. A fashion item says that “a ball dress should be plain enough to show off the material.” The object now appears to make it brief enough at the top to show off a considerable portion of the wearer. — Norristown Herald. “Would you like it better if I wrote only on one side of the paper?” asked a poet who has-been afflicting us greatly of late. No, we would not We would like it better if you refruined from writing on any side. — Texas Siftings. Client—" Now, Mr. H , isn’t your fee rather large?” Lawyer—“l am sorry you think so, Mr. B ; but you must remember I had a great deal to do. I spent a great deal of time preparing my charge for the jury.” Client —“Great Scott! Do I pay the jury?” —Boston Budget. “Do you know,” said Miss Beekon Hill to Miss Murray Hill, “that your friend from the West asked me last night at the reception who wrote ‘Gray’s Elegy?’” Miss Murray Hill giggled and responded, in italics: “You don’t say so!” and then, thoughtfully, “by the way, who did write it?” — Boston Coimnfr.ial Bulletin. “Do>.’r you think,” said Mrs. Keeper, “that when Adam realized the vastness of the world into which he had been ushered he must have had a great deal on his mind ?” “ Well,” responded Mrs. Blunt, “from the photograph I have seen of him, I should say that whatever he did have on must have been on his mind.”— The Judge. “My dear,” said an anxious wife to her husband, who was running for office, “we must economize in every possible way.” “I do economize," he replied. “Yes,” she said, bitterly, “you spend ten or fifteen dollars a day in treating a lot of bar-room loafers to beer and whisky just to get them to vote for you. Do you call that economy ?” “Certainly; that’s political economy.” A good story is told on the Governor here in Chico. J. W. B. Montgomery had been tendered the position of Brigadier General of the Fifth Brigade, and went to t acramento to consult with the Governor about the matter. He walked into the latter’s office and remarked: “Well, Governor, I have come to tell you that I will accept that office as long as there’s peace, but I want it understood that in case of war you are to accept my resignation.” “O,” replied Commander-in-Chief Bartlett, “that’s all right. If there’s ever a war I propose to resign myself.” Chico (Cal.) Enterprise.