Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 May 1887 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Did Solomon have John L. in mind when he said “go to the ant, thou slughard?" Size ain’t everything. A watch ticking can be heard further than a bed ticking. . The youthful and inexperienced married man may not know it, but it is a fact all the same: - Corsets cannot be purchased at the lace-goods counter. To the housewife—Don’t imagine the pillow displayed at the warerooms of a furniture dealer to be filled with live geese feathers just because they are marked down. Dcde (meeting his tailor where he couldn’t escape him)—Ah, Jones, old boy, how dy’ do ? Beastly weather this. It’s so unsettled, don’t you know.” Tailor—Ugh —yes—just like my bill.— Washington Critic. An advertisement in a French newspaper: “Fritz X ,an experienced accountant, desires a place as cashier. In the interest of the security of patrons he woiild state that he is afflicted with two wooden legs.— French Fun. A Lynn clergyman relates that on one occasion, after marrying a couple, an envelope was handed to him, which he supposed, of course, contained the marriage fee. On opening it, he found a slip of paper, on which was written, “We desire your prayers.” An ambitious young painter has gone to Washington to ask permission to paint the House of Representatives for his great historical picture. Well, we see no objection to his painting the honorable House. It has been whitewashed several times, but the operation has to be repeated too frequently.— Burdette.

“A sensible” woman, as Dr. Abernethy would have called her, was discovered by a shy man, who made her a rather original proposal. He bought a wedding ring, and sent it to the lady, inclosing a sheet of note-paper with the brief question. “Does it fit?” By return of post he received the answer: “Beautifiully.” • “In what country were you born?” asked the election officer. “In none, sor,” replied the citizen. “What? Answer me plainly. What is your native land?” “I have none, sor. I was born at sea.” “Then,” replied the officer, “you have a Vaterland, althqpgh you talk like an Irishman, You vote in the navy-yard. ” — Burdette.

The following advertisement recently appeared—“A father wants to find a schpol for his son where a manly and useful education will be given him, and where the teachers do not fill the heads of their pupils with humbug stories about nations that’died and were buried thousands of centuries ago, not a citizen of which could either command a steamboat or manage a railway station.” First gentleman, entering apartment of second gentleman—About a year ago you challenged me to fight a duel? Second gentleman (sternly)—l did, sir. First G. —And I told you that I had just been married, and I did not wish to risk my life at such hazard. Second! G. (haughtily)—l remember, sir. First! G. (bitterly)—Well, my feelings have; undergone a change; any time you want to fight let me know. Bonjour. —French Fun.

Mistaking the door young Mr. •Cipher walked into the dentist’s office! instead of the doctor’s. “Doctor,” he groaned, “I’m in bad shape. My head aches all the time and I can’t do anything with it.” “Yes, yes,” said Dr. Toothaker, cheerfully. “I see; big cavity in it; must be hollow; you’ll need to have it filled. ” And seeing his mistake young Mr. Cipher apologized and went out and told it all around as a capital good joke on the dentist. — Burdette.

It is, perhaps, hardly the province off this paper to criticise nature, but then it does seem as if it would have been ai great stroke if man had been created with arms that would slide out about forty feet like a spy-glass, so that he could reach and lock the front door and wind the clock and set back the rocking chair and close the shutters after he goes to bed. Yes, and put out the cat and scatter some poison for his neighbor's dog and bring in the baby carriage.- -Dakota Bell.