Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 13, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 April 1887 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Key to poor house —Whisky. The most popular trade mark High and dry—A tall Kentuckian. An envelope is like a woman. It can’t go anywhere withont address. An hour glass is made smallest in the middle. It shows the waist? of time. “Business before pleasure,” as the man said when he kissed his wife before going to the club. A poet says; “i listen for the coming of his feet.” We suspect the girl’s father doesn’t tackle to him kindly. “Dear, dear, how fashions do alter, to be sure," remarked old Mrs. Peachblossom. “I see that steerage rates are cut lower.” —New York Journal. Senator Edmunds breathed on the side hill on his Vermont farm and the people in the neighborhood are using it for a toboggan slide.— New Hacen News. It appears to us that the woman’s heart kept in alcohol in Philadelphia isn’t much of a curiosity. We have no doubt several women have hearts.— The Judge. A Pennsylvania man has been granted a patent for an improved umbrella. It rings a chestnut bell when any one attempts to take it by mistake. —Burlington Fre ? Press. Why does a young man embracing his girl at the garden gate, just as the old man approaches, remind you of a love scene at the theater ? Because he is hugging his girl before the foot light?. At the opera: “I can’t explain the success of that singer.” “Neither can * L” “She sings through her nose most atrociously. ” “Perhaps that is the reason why every one is waving a handkerchief at her.” —Fren h Fun. Omaha teacher—What is the great distinction between men and animals ? Bright girl—Men can talk and animals can’t. “That is not sufficient, though, because scientists now assert that monkeys can talk. ” “O yes, of course; so can dudes.”— Omaha World. Bobby came into the house sobbing, and told his mother that Tommy White had kicked him. “Well, Tommy White is a very bad boy,” said Bobby’s mother, giving him a large piece of cake. “You didn’t kick him back, did you?” “No,” replied Bobby, between bites, “I kicked Him first. ” Milkman—“ Johnny, did you put water in the new milk this morning?” New assistant—“ Yes, sir.” “Don’t you know that it is wicked, Johnny ?” “But you told me to mix water with the milk.” “Yes, but I told you to put the water in first and pour the milk into it. Then, you see, we can tell people we never put water in the milk.” DIFFICULT TO SUIT. I do not like a man that’s tall; A man that’s snort is worse th m all, I much abhor a man that’s fat; A man that s lean is worse than that. A young man is a constant pest; An old one would my room infest. Nor do I like a man that’s fair; A man that’s black I cannot bea*. A man of sense I could not rule ; And yet I would not wed a fool. A sober man I would not take ; A drunken man my heart would break. All these I most sincertt/ hate, And yet I love the marriage state. — Old Scrap Book.