Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 April 1887 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Two heads are better than one, but not blockheads. “W hat is the best way to manage » man?” asks a female correspondent. Marry him. Life is fall of compensations. The man who has only one leg needs but one shoe at a time. The greatest reformer of the age was the inventor of the bustle, which has re-formed nearly every woman. A fashion journal says there is a knack in putting on gloves. Come to think of it, that is so. You have to get your hand in, as it were. THE WISE MAN. Ho'll of few failures have to tell When years have flown, Wh > always knew when to let well Enough a'.ouj, --Uosfon Courirr. One of our lady correspondents, who has just begun housekeeping, wishes us to inform her whether or not minced ham comes from ground hog. —New Havm Nitos. “Well, but if you can’t bear her, whatever made you propose?” “Well, wo had danced three dances, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say.” —Loud ,n Punch. “The ballet is a snare and a pitfall,” says a Chicago clergyman. Well, he isn’t the first minister who has had reason to be disgusted over the Rawdust game.— Boston Courier. Out in a Dakota town they pulled the boots off a man before burying him, und the local paper oame out in a severe article denouncing “ extravagance at funerals.— 'l'cxas Siftings. Conductor —Here, my good follow, don’t you know that if you pull that strap in the middle yon will ring both bells? Alike— Faith, an’ ()i know that as well as yerself. l.ufc it is both inds ov the car Oi want to stop. Gentleman —l am sorry, Uncle Itastus, that I can’t do anything for you this morning, but charity, you know, begins at home. Uncle llastus —All right, Alister Smif; all right, dab. I’ll call around at yo house’bout sebeu dis ebenin’, sah. Mother —Johnnie, brush the dust oft'your boots. Johnnie—ls that the kind of dust papa was talking to governess about? Alother—What did he say? Johnnie—He said: “Dost thou love me, Agnes?” Alother—No, it was not, Johnnie; but Agnes will dust out of here to-morrow morning.—Poston Globe. Tramp—Would you kindly give a poor, down-hearted man a little something to drive dull care away? Bartender—lt is something I’m not in the habit of doing, but in this case T.—Ah, blessings on youl B.—ln this case I’m disposed to be generous. If you want something to drive dull care away, just help yourself to a caraway seed. — Chicago Ledger. John Bull —Say, Brother Jonathan, things look rather squally on this side. Got any cannon you want to sell? Brother Jonathan—Ho, hoi Had to come to me after all, did you? Yes, I’ve got a fine old stock, but some of the carriages need fixing. “We don’t want the carriages.” “How under the canopy do you expect to use the guns, then?” “We want them for touchholes?”— Omaha World.