Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 February 1887 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

You should never judge a man by the umbrella he carries. Nine times out of ten it belongs to somebody else. “Whatever you do, my boy, begin at the bottom and work up.” “But, father, suppose I were going to dig a well." The law cannot make a man moral, but it can make him dreadfully uncomfortable when he is immoral.—Columbus ( Ga .) Enquirer-Sun. When you see a couple on the streets, if the man carries the bundles they are engaged. If the woman carries the bundles they are married.— New Haven New 8. Has it ever been noticed what large I’s egotists have? — Rochester Po<t-Ex-press. Yes; but then their knows is small enough.— Boston Commercial Bulletin. Clara —Come up and see me this evening, George. George (dubiously) —Well, how about your father? Clara —O, he’s all right. He has chilblains on his feet.— Lowell Citizen. “Your Honor,” pleaded the condemned man, “will you put my execution for Thursday instead of Friday?” “Why?” inquired the Judge. “Because Friday is such an unlucky day.” —New York Sun. “This diary is only ruled out for January,” said a gentleman in a bookstore. “ Yes,” replied the stationer, “our experience in the business has taught us that no one ever gets beyond the first month.”— Judge. “How did it happen that you made such fine sausage yesterday ?” asked a customer of his butcher. “Well, you see,” explained the butcher, “a sporting man gave me a pointer, and, ” “Fay no more,” said the customer, turning pale, and turning quickly to go home.— New Orleans Picayune. A clergyman sat in a chair to be shaved. The artist began: “Wbo shaved you? Have your hair cut? Try a bottle of our Trycophegus? Have a shampoo?” The clergyman turned to the barber, and said: “Let me up. If I have got to say my catechism, I prefer to say it sitting up. But I came here to be shaved. ” They tell a story in a Shasta, Cal., town about a Justice of the Peace who fined a citizen sls for some offense. “I won’t pay it,” said the man. “Will you pay $10?” demanded the Justice. “No.” “By Gad, then, gimme $5,” pleaded the Justice; but the delinquent swore he wouldn’t pay a cent, and he didn’t, and that was the end of it. The hotel clerk was studying his chin through a small hand-mirror, when a*guest said: “One moment, sir, please.” The clerk continued his investigation intently. “One moment, sir, if you please,” repeated the guest. And still the clerk’s absorbing occupation went on. Finally he turned slowly and said: “Well, sir, what do you want?” “I want to buy the earth,” said the guest, “if you don’t ask too much money for it. ” New York Sun.