Democratic Sentinel, Volume 11, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 February 1887 — Page 2

INTERSTATE COMMERCE.

Text of the Bill as It Finally Passed Both Houses of Congress.' The bill passed by Congress regulating interstate commerce is as follows: An act to regulate commerce: Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Represent iti ves of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That the provisions of this act shall apply to any common carrier or carriers engaged in the transportation of passengers or property wholly by railroad, or partly by railroad and partly by water when both are used, under a comivon control, management, or arrangement, for a continuous carriage or shipment from one State or Territory of the United States orjthe District of Columbia to any other State or Territory of the United States or the District of Columbia, or from any place in the United States to an adjacent foreign country, or from any place in the United btates through a foreign country to any other place in the United States, and also to the transportation in like manner of property shipped from any place in the United .-taUs to a foreign country and carried from such place to a port of transshipment, or shipped from a foreign country to any place in the United States and carried to such place from a port of entry either in the United States or an adjacent for< ign country: Provided, however, That the provisions of this act shall not apply to the transportation of passengers or property, or to the receiving, delivering, storage, or handling of property, wholly within one State, and not shipped to or from a foreign country from or to any State or Territory ns aforesaid. The term “railroad" as used in this act shall include all bridges and ferries used or operated in connection with any railroad, and also all the road in use by any corporation operating a railroad, whether owned or operated under a contract, agreement, or lease; and the term “transportation” shall include all instrumentalities of shipment or carriage. All charges made for any service rendered or to be rendered in the transportation of passengers or property as aforesaid, or in connection therewith, or for the receiving, delivering, storage or handling of such property, shall be reasonable and just; and every unjust and unreasonable cliargo for such sorvice is prohibited and declared to be unlawful. Sec. 2. That if any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act shall, directly or indirectly, by any special rate, rebate, drawback, or.other device, charge, demand, collect, or receive from any person or persons a greater or less compensation for any service rendered, or tobo rendered, in the transportation of passengers or property subject to the provisions of this act, than ft charges, demands, collects, or receives from any other person or persons for doing for him or them a like and contemporaneous service in the transportation of a like kind of traffic under substantially similar circumstances and conditions, such common carrier shall bo deemed guilty of unjust discrimination, which is hereby prohibited and declared to be unlawful. Sec 3. That it shall be unlawful for any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act to make or give any undue or unreasonable preference or advantage to any particular person, company, firm, corporation, or locality, or any particular description of traffio, in any respect whatsoever, or to subject any particular person, company, firm, corporation, or locality, or any particular description of traffic, to any undue or unreasonable prejudice or disadvantage in any respect whatsoever. Every common carrier subject to the provisions of this act shall, according to their respective powers, afford all reasonable, proper, and equal facilities for the Interchange of traffic between their respective lines, and for tho receiving, forwarding and delivering of passengers and property to and from their several lines and those connecting therewith, and shall not discriminate in their rates and charges between such connecting lines; but this shall not be construed as requiring any suoh common carrier to give the use of its tracks or terminal facilities to another carrier engaged in like business. Sec. 4. That it shall be unlawful for any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act to charge or receive any greater compensation in the aggregate for the transportation of passengers or ol like kind of property, under substantially similar circumstances and conditions, for a shorter than for a longer distance over the some line in the same direction, the shorter being included within the longer distance ; but this shall not bo construed as authorizing any common carrier within the terms of this act to charge and receive as great compensation for a shorter as for a longer distance: Provided, however, that upon application to the Commission appointed under the provisions of this act. such common carrier may, in special cases, after investigation by the Commission, be authorized to ehargo less for longer than for short r distances for the transportation of passengers or pr( p.-rty; and tho Commission may from time to time prescribe the extent to which such designated common carrier may be relieved frojn the operation of this section of the act

Sec. 5. That it shall be unlawful for any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act to enter into any contract, agreement or combination with any other common c . rrier or carriers for the pooling of freights of different. and competing railroads, or to divide between "them the aggregate or net proceeds of the earnings of such railroads, or any portion thereof; and in any case of an agreement for the pooling of freights as aforesaid, each day of its continuance shall be deemed a separate offense. Sec. 0. That every common carrier subject to the iirovisions of this act shall print and keeD for public inspection schedules showing the rateß and fares and charges for the transportation of passengers and property which any such common carrier has established and which are in force at the time upon its railroad, as defined by the first section of this act. The schedules printed n s aforesaid by any such common carrier shall plainly state the places upon its railroad between which property and passengers ■will be carried, and shall contain the classification of freight in force upon such railroad, and shall also state separately the terminal charges and any rules or regulations which in any wise change, affect or determine any part of the aggregate of such aforesaid rates and fares and charges. Such schedules shall be plainly printed in large type, of at least the size of ordinary pica, and copies for the use of the public shall be kept in every depot or station upon any such railroad, in such places and in such form that they can be conveniently inspected. Any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act receiving freight in the United States to be carried through a foreign country to any place in the United States shall also in like manner prilft and keep for public inspection at every depot where such freight is received for shipment, schedules showing the through rates established and charged by such common carrier to all points in the United States beyond the foreign country to which it accepts freight for shipment; and any freight shipped from the United Stat; s through a foreign country into the United States, the through rate on which shall not have been made public as required by this act, shall, before it is admitted into the United States from said foreign country, be subject to customs duties, as if said freight were of a foreign production; and any law in conflict with this section is hereby repealed. No advance shall be made in the rates, fares, and charges which have been established and published as aforesaid by any common carrier, in compliance with the requirements of this section, except after ten days’ public notice, which shall plainly state the changes proposed to be made in the schedule then in fo»ce, and the time when the increased rates, fareß, or charges will go into effect; and the proposed changes shall be shown by printing new schedules, or shall be plainly indicated upon the schedules in force at the time and kept for public inspection, Reductions in such public rates, fares, or changes may be made without previous public notice; but whenever any such reduction is made notice of the same shall immediately be publicly posted, and the changes made shall immediately be made publio by printing new schedules, or shall immediately be plainly indicate 1 upon the schedules at the time in force and kept for public inspection. And when any such common carrier shall have established and published its ratjs, fares, and charg s, in compliance with the provisions of this section, it shall be unlawful for such common carrier to charge, demand, collect, or receive from any person or persons a greater or less compensation for the transportation of passengers or property, or for any services in connection therewith, than is specified in such published schedule of rates, fares, and charges as may at the time be in force. Every oominon carrier aubjeot to the provisions of this act shall file

with the Commission hereinafter provided for copies of its schedules of rates, fares, and ch rges which have been established and published in compliance with the requirement, of this section, and shall promptly notify said Commission of all changes made ’in the same. Every such common carrier shall also Ale with said Commission copies of all contracts, agreements or arrangements with other common carriers in relation to any traffic affected by the provisions o: this act to which it may be a party. And in cases where passengers and freight pass over continuous lines or routes operated by more than <ne common carrier, ani the several common carriers operating such lines or routes establish joint tariffs of rates or fares or cbargeß for such continuous lines or routes, copies es such joint tariffs shall also, in like manner, be Aled with said Commission. Such joint rates, fares and charges on such cont nuous lines so Aled as aforesaid shall be made public by such common carriers when directed by said Coinmiss on, in so far as may, in tho judgment of tt e Commission, be deemed practicable ; and said Commissi, n shall from time to time prescribe the measure of publicity which shall be given to such rates, tares and charges, or to such part of thorn as it may deem it practicable for such common carriers to publish, and the places in which they shall be published; but no common carrier party to any such joint tariff shall be liable for the failure of any other common carrier party thereto to observe and adhere to the rates, fares, or charges thus made and published. If any such common carrier snail neglect or refuse to Ale or publish its schedules or tariffs of rates, fares, and charges, as provided in this section, or any part of the same, such common carrier, shall in addition to other penalties herein prescribed, be subject to a writ of mandamus, to be issued by any circuit court of the United States in the judicial district wherein the principal office of said common carrier is situatod, or wherein such offense may be committed, and if such common carrier be a foreign corporation, in the judicial circuit wherein such common carrier accepts traffic and has an agent to perform such service, to compel compliance with the aforesaid provisions of this section; and such writ shall issue in the name of the people of the United States at the relation of the Commissioners appointed under the provisions of this act, and failure to comply with its requirements shall be punishable as and for a contempt; and the said Commissioners, as complainants, may also apply, in any such Circuit Court of the United States, for a writ of injunction against such common carrier, to restrain such common carrier from receiving or transporting property among the several States and Territories of the United States, or betweeu the United States and adjacent foreign countries, or between ports of transshipment and of entry and the several States and Territories of the United States, as mentioned in tho first section of this act, until such common carrier shall have complied with the aforesaid provisions of this section of this act.

Sec. 7. That it shall be unlawful for any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act to enter into any combination, contract or agreement, expressed or implied, to prevent by ohange of time schedule carriage in different cars, or by other means or devices, the carriage of freights from being continuous from the place of shipment to the place of destination ; and no break of bulk, stoppage or interruption made by such common carrier shall prevent the carriage of freights from being and being treated as one continuous carriage from the place of shipment to the place of destination, unless such break, stoppage, or interruption was made in good faith for some necessary purpose, and without any intention to avoid or unnecessarily interrupt such continuous carriago or to evade any of the provisions of this act. bee. 8. That in case any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act shall do, cause to be done, or permit to be done any act, matter, or thing in this act prohibited or declared to be unlawful, or shall omit to do any act, matter, or thing in this act required to be done, such common carrier shall bo liable to the person or persons injured thereby for the full amount of damages sustained in consequence of any such violation of the provisions of this act, together with reasonable counsel or attorney’s fees, to be fixed by the court in every case of recovery, which attorney’s fees shall be taxed and collected as part of the costs in the case.

Sec. 9. That any person or persons claiming to be damaged by any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act may either make complaint to the Commission as hereinafter provided for, or may bring suit in his or their own behalf for the recovery of the damages for which such common carrier may be liable under the provisions of this act in any District or Circuit Court of the United States of competent jurisdiction; but such person or persons shall not have the right to pursue both of such remedies, and must in each case elect which one of the two methods of procedure herein provided for he or they will adopt. In any such action brought for the recovery of damages the court before whieh the samo shall be pending may compel any director, officer, receiver, trustee, or agent of" the corporation or company defendant in such suit to attend, appear, and testify in such case, and may compel the production of the books and papers of such corporation or company party to any such suit; the Claim that any such testimony or evidence may tend to criminate the person giving such evidence shall not excuse such witness from testifying, but such evidence or testimony shall not be used against such person on the trial of • any criminal proceeding. fcec. 10. That any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act, or, whenever such common carrier is a corporation, any director or officer thereof, or any reoeiver, trustee, lessee, agent or person acting for or employed by such corporation, who, alone or with any other corporation, company, person or party, shall willfully do or cause to be done, or shall willfully suffer or permit to be done, any act, matter or thing in this act prohibited or declared to be unlawful, or who shall aid or abet therein, or shall willfully omit or fail to do any act, matter or thing in this act required to be done, or shall cause or willfully suffer or permit any act, matter or thing so directed or required by this act to be done not to be so done, or shall aid or abet any such omission or failure, or shall be guilty of any infraction of this act, or shall aid or abet therein, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, ami shall, upon convection thereof in any District Court of the United States within the jurisdiction of which such offense was committed, be subject to a fine of not to exceed $5,000 for each offense. Sec. 11. That a commission is hereby created and established to be known as the Interstate Commerce Commission, which shall be composed of five Commissioners, who shp.ll be appointed by the President, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate. The Commissioners first appointed under this act shall continue in office for the term of two, three, four, five, and six years, respectively, from the Ist day of January, A. D 1887, the term of each to be designated by the President; but their successors shall be appointed for terms of six years, except that any person chosen to fill a vacancy shall be appointed only for the unexpired term of the Commissioner whom he shall succeed. Any Commissioner may be removed by the President for inefficiency, neglect of duty, or malfeasance in office. Not more than three of the Commissioners shall be appointed from the samo political party. No person in the employ of or holding any oflipial relation to any common carrier subject to-the provision of this act, qr owuing.stock or bonds thereof, or wfio is in any manner pecuniarily interested therein, shall enter upon the duties of or hold such office. Said Commissioners shall not engage in any other business, vocation, or employment. No vacancy in the Commission shall impair the right of the remaining Commissioners to exercise all the powers of the Commission.

Sec. 12. That tho Commission hereby created shall have authority to inquire into the management of the business of all „ common carriers subject to the provisions of this act, and shall keep itself informed as to the manner and method in which the same is conducted, and shall have the right to obtain from such common carriers full and complete information necessary to enable the Commission to perform the duties and carry out the objects for which it was created ; an 1 for the purposes of this act the Commission shall have power to require the attendance and testimony of witnesses and the production of all books, papers, tariffs, contracts, agreements, and documents relating to any matter under investigation, and to that end may invoke the aid of any court of the United States in requiring the attendance and testimony of witnesses and the production of books, papers, and documents under the provisions of this section. And any of the Circuit Courts of the United S: ates within the jurisdiction of which such inquiry is carried on may, in case of contumacy or refusal to obey a subpoena issued to any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act, or other person, issue an order requiring such common carrier or other person to appear before Baid Commission and produce book! and papers, if so ordered, and give evidence touching the matter in question; and any fail-

are to obey such order of the Court may be punished by such Court as a contempt thereof. The claim that any such testimony or evidence may tend to criminate the person giving such evidence shall not excuse such witness from testifyingg but such evidence or testimony shall not be used against such person on the trial of any criminal proceeding. Kec. 13. That any person, firm, corporation or association, or any mercantile, agricultural or I manufacturing society, or any body politic or municipal organization complaining of anything done or omitted to be done by any common carrier subject to the provisions of this act in contravention of the provisions thereof, may applv to said Commission by petition, which shall briefly state the facts ; whereupon a statement i th® charges, thus made shall be forwarded i uy the Commission to such common carrier, who shall be called upon to satisfy the complaint or answer the same in writing within a reasonable time, to be specified by the Commission. If such common carrier, within j the time specified, shall make reparation for the I injury alleged to have been done, said carrier I shall be relieved of liability to the complainant | only for the particular violation of law thu3 complained of. If such carrier shall not satisfy the complaint within the time specified, or there shall appear to [email protected] reasonable ground for investigiiing said complaint, it shall be the duty of the Commission to investigate the matters complained of in such manner and by such means as it shall deem proper. Said Commission shall in like manner investigate any complaint forwarded by the Ilailroad Commissioner or ltailsoad Commission of any State or Territory, at the request of such Commissioner or Commission, and may institute any inquiry on its owu motion in the same manner and to the same effect as though complaint had been made. No complaint shall at any time be dismissed because of the absence ofoTixpct damage to the complainant. Sec. 1). That whenever an investigation shall be made by said Commission it shall be its duty to make a report in writing in respect thereto, wnich shall include the findings of fact upon which the conclusions of the Commission are based, together with its recommendation as to what reparation, if any, should be made by the common carrier to any party or parties who may be found to have been injured; and such findings so made shall thereafter, in all judicial proceedings, be deemed prima facie evidence as to each and every fact found. All reports of investigations made by the Commission shall be entered of record, and a copy thereof shall be furnished to the party who may have complained, and to any common carrier that may have been complained of.

Sec. 15. That if in any case .in wbiGh an investigation shall be mado by said Commission It shall be made to appear to the satisfaction of the Commission, either by the testimony of witnesses or other evidence, that anything has been done or omitted to be done in violation of the provisions of this act, or of any law cognizable by said Commission, by any common carrier, or that any injury or damage has been sustained by the party or parties complaining, or by other parties aggrieved in consequence of any such violation, it shall be the duty of the Commission to forthwith cause a copy of its report in respect thereto to be delivered to such common carrier, together with a notice to said common carrier to cease and desist from such violation, or to make reparation for the injury so found to have been done, or both, within a reasonable time, to be specified by the Commission ; and if within the time specified it shall be mado to appear to the Commission that such common carrier has ceased from such violation of law, and has made reparation for the injury found to have been done, in compliance with the report and notice of the Commission or to the satisfaction of the party complaining, a statement to that effect shall be entered of record by the Commission, and the said common carrier shall thereupon be relieved from further liability or penalty for such particular violation of law.

Sec. 16. That whenever any common carrier, as defined in and subject to the provisions of this act, shall violate or refuse or neglect to obey any lawful order or requirement of the Commission in this act named, it shall be the duty of the Commission, and lawful for any company or person interested in such order or requirement, to apply, in a summary way, by petition, to the Circuit Court of the United States sitting in equity in the judicial district in which the common carrier complained of has his principal office, or in which the violation or disobedience of such order or requirement shall happeD, alleging such violation or disobedience, as the case may be; and the said court shall have power to hear and determine the matter, on Such notice to the common carrier complained of as the court shall deem reasonable: and such notice may be served on such common carrier, his or its officers, agents, or servants, in such manner as the court shall direct; and said court shall proceed to hear and determine the matter speedily as a court of equity and without the formal pleadings and proceedings applicable to ordinary suits in equity, but in such manner as to do justice in the premises ; and to this end such court shall have power, if it think fit,to direct and prosecute in such mode and by such process as it may appoint all such inquiries as the court may think needful to enable it to form a just judgment in the matter of such petition; and on such hearing the report of said commission shall be prima facie evidence of the matters therein stated; and if it be -made to appear to such court, on such hearing or on report of any such person or persons, that the lawful orderfer requirement of said commission drawn in question has been violated or disobeyed, it shall be lawful for such court to issue a writ of injunction or other proper process, mandatory or otherwise, to restrain such common carrier from further continuing such violation or disobedience of such order or requirement of said commission, and enjoining obedience to the same; and in case of any disobedience of any such writ of injunction or other proper process, mandatory or other wise, it shall be lawful for such court to issue writs of attachment, or any other process of said Court incident or applicable to writs of injunction, or other proper process, mandatory or otherwise, against such common carrier, and if a corporation, against one or more of the directors, officers or agents of the same, or against any owner, lessee, Trustee, Receiver, or other person failing to obey such writ of injunction or other proper process, mandatory or otherwise; and said Court may, if it shall think fit, make an order directing such common carrier or other person so disobeying such writ of injunction or other proper process, mandatory or otherwise, to pay such Bum of money, not exceeding for each carrier or person in default the sum of SSJO for every day after a day to be named in the order that such carrier or other person shall fail to obey such injunction or other proper process, mandatory or otherwise; and such moneys shall be payable as the Court shall direct, either to the party complaining, or into Court to abide the ultimate decision of the Court, or into the Treasury; and payment thereof may, without prejudice to any other mode of recovering the same, be enforced by attachment or order in the nature of a writ of execution, in like manner as if the same had been recovered by a final decree in personam in such court, When the subject in dispute 6hall be of the value of s2,oju or more, either party by such proceeding before said court may appeal to the Supreme Court of the United States, under the same regulations now provided by law in respect of security for such appeal, but such appeal shall not operate to stay or supersede the order of the court or the execution of any writ or process thereon, andtpuch court may in every such matter order the payment of such costs and counsel fees as shall be deemed reasonable. Whenever any such petition shall be filed or presented by the Commission it shall be the duty of the District Attorney, under the direction of the Attorney General of the United States, to prosecute the same ; and the costs and expenses of such prosecution shall be paid out of the appropriation for the expenses of the courts of the United States. Ft r the purposes of this act, excepting its penal provisions, the Circuit Courts 1 of the United States shall be deemed to be always in session. Sec. 17. That the Commission may conduct its proceedings in such mauner as will best conduce to the proper dispatoh of business and to the ends of justice. A majority of the Commission shall constitute a quorum for the transaction of business, but no Commissioner shall jmrticipate in any hearing or proceeding in whicli he has any pecuniary interest. Said Commission may, from time to time, make or amend such general rules or orders as may be requisite for the order and regulation of proceedings before it, including forms of notices and the service thereof, which shall conform, as nearly as mav be, to thoße in use in the Courts of the United States. Any party may appear before said Commission and b.) heard, in person or by attorney. Every vote and official act of the Commission shall be entered of record, and its pro< eedings shall be public upon the request of either party interested Said Commission shall 1 have an official seal, which shall be judicially noticed. Either of th,e meinb rs of the Commission may administer oaths and affirmations. Sec. 18 That each Commissioner shall receive an annual salary of 7,500, payable in the same manner as the salaries of the Judges of the

courts of the United Btates. The commission shall appoint a Secretary who shall receive an annual salary of $3,50J, payable in like manner The Commission shall have authority to I employ and fix the compensation of snoh other • employes as it may find necessary to the proper performance of its duties, subject to th. i approval of the Secretary of the Interior. The i Commission shall be furnished by the Secretary of the Interior with suitable offices and all necessary office supplies. 'Witnesses summoned before the Commission shall be paid the ; same fees and mileage that are paid witnesses in the courts of the United States. All of the j expenses of the Commission, including all nccj essary expenses for transportation incurred i by the Commissioners, or by their employes i under their orders, in making any investigation l in any other places than in the city of Washj ington, shall be allowed and paid, on the pres- ' entatiun of itemized vouchers therefor approved j by the Chairman of the Commission and Sec- ! retary of the Interior. | Sec. 19. That the principal office of the Comj mission shall be in the city of Washington, I where its general sessions shall be held ; but j w henever the convenience of the public or of the i parties may be promoted or delay or expense prevented thereby, the Commission may bold special sessions in any" part of the United States. It may, by one or more of the Commissioners, prosecute any inquiry necessary to its duties, in any pari of the United States, into i any matter or question of fact pertaining to the business of any common carrier subject to the provisions of tnis act. Sec. 20. That the Commission is hereby authorized to require annual reports from all common carriers subject to the, provisions of this act, to fix the time and prescribe the manner in which such reports shall be made, and to require from such carriers specific answers to all questions upon which the Commission may need information. Such annual reports s’hail" show in detail the amount of capital stock issued, the amounts paid therefor, and the manner of payment for the same; the dividends paid, the surplus fund, if any, and the number of stockholders ; the funded and floating debts and the interest paid thereon; the cost and value of the currier’s property, franchises*, and equipment; the number of employes and the salaries paid each; the amounts expended for improvements each year, how expended, and the character of such improvements; the earnings and receipts from each branch of business, and from all sources; the operating and other expenses ; the balances of profit and loss ; and a complete exhibit of the financial operations of the carrier each year, including an annual balance-sheet. Such reports shall also coutain such information in relation to rates or regulations concerning fares or freights, or agreements, arrangements, or contracts with other common carriers, as the Commission may require; and the said Commission may, within its discretion, for the purpose of enabling it the better to carry out the purposes of this act, prescribe (if in the opinion of the Commission it is practicable to proscribe such uniformity and methods of keeping accounts) a period of time within which all common carriers subject to the provisions of this act shall have, as .near as may be, a uniform system of accounts, and the manner in which such accounts shall be kept. Sec. 21. That the Commission shall, on or before the Ist day of December in each year, make a report to the Secretary of the Interior, which shall be by him transmitted to Congress, and copies of which shall be distributed as are the other reports issued from the Interior Department. This report shall contain such information and data collected by the Commission as may be considered of value in the determination of questions connected with the regulation of commerce, together with such recommendations as to additional legislation relating thereto as the Commission may deem necessary.

Sec. 22. That nothing in this act shall apply to the carriage, storage, or handling of property free or at reduced rates for the United States, State or municipal governments, or for charitable purposes, or to or from fairs and expositions for exhibition thereat, or the issuance of mileage, excursion, or commutation passenger tickets ; nothing in this act shall be construed to prohibit any common carrier from giving reduced rates to ministers of religion ; nothing in this act shall be construed to prevent railroads from giving free carriage to their own officers and employes, or to prevent the principal officers of any railroad company or companies from exchanging passes or tickets with other railroad companies for their officers and employes, and nothing in this act contained shall in any way abridge or alter the remedies now existing at common law or by statute ; but the provisions of this act are in addition to such remedies. Provided, That no pending litigation Shall in any way be affected by this act. Sec. 23, That the sum of KIOO.OOO is hereby appropriated for the use and purposes of this act for the fiscal year ending June 30, A. D. 1888, and the intervening time anterior thereto. Sec. 24. | That the provisions of sections 11 and 18 of this act, relating to tho appointment and organization of the commission herein provided for, shall take effect immediately, and the remaining provisions of this act shall take effect sixty days after its passage.

Georgy’s Verse.

“Come and recite your verse to the lady, Georgy,” said a fond mother of a precocious child. “Begin—- “ Light in this breast ’’ Georgy—- “ Light in dis beast—” “Not beast, but breast—go on — “The patriot fire ” Georgy—- “ Fats in de fire-—” “Now the next line—“Tjiat I may serve my country’s need." Georgy—“Zat I may serve me Cousin Ned.” “Oh, Georgy” (in a heart-broken voice), “say your verse for the lady the way you do when you’re alone with me.” Georgy—“ All yite, mamma, me will. “Lite in dis bweast de fats in fire Zat me may save me Cousin Ned To be fat riot me susuire An’ for me cousin’s’sister heed.” “That’s a dear boy,” says the mother, proudly. “He must have a wonderful memory,” remarks the bewildered visitor. “Oh, we don’t crowd him; it wouldn’t do;” and the mother dismisses the young patriot with a kiss.— Detroit Free Press.-,

Trusting to His Imagination.

“Can you give me a drink, madame ?” begged the tramp. “I can give you a drink of water,” she said. “Well,” he said, after some consideration, “water’ll do, if you give me an old tomato-can to drink it from. I’m a poor and lonely wreck, madame,” he continued, with pathos; “but, thank heaven, I have still the remnants of what was at one time considered the finest imagination in the county where I was born!”— Puck. The greated pyramid is that ot Cheops, one of the three pyramids forming the Memphis group, situated on a plateau about "137 feet above the level of the highest rise in the Nile. Its dimensions have been reduced by the removal of the outer portions to furnish stone for the city of Cairo. Its masonry consisted originally of 89,02b,000 cubic feet, and stillamounts to 82,411,000 feet. The present vertical height is 450 feet, against 479 feet originally. The total weight of the stone is 6,316,000 feet. How many in hot pursuit have hastened to the goal of wealth, but have lost, as they ran, those apples of gold —the mind anc(. the power to enjoy it

HUMOR.

Neveb write secrets with a quill pen ; it might split. Fresh toe martyrs—the youths who buy tight boots. Nothing tries the sole of a man more than a shoe-peg. Ticket Agent—You don’t expect those two boys to go on one ticket ? She—Of course I do. It’s a twin. Wise—ls I should ever die, would you really marry again ? Husband— Never, never! What do you take me for? “Public office is public trust,” and that is just the reason that some men with poor credit cannot get it.—Boston Post. The man who lectures on the benefits of physical exercise takes the elevator when he might climb a flight of stairs.— New Orleans Picayune. Judge (to the plaintiff)—Who was present when the defendant knocked you down? Plaintiff—l was.—Chicago Saturday Evening Herald. “I will now quit fooling,” said the physician as he wrote out a prescription, “and proceed to business.” Then he made out his bill .—Philadelphia Call. It is said that Wall street brokers are fond of molasses candy. Perhaps that is the reason everything they get hold of sticks to their hands.— Boston Post. The man who had his ear bitten off in a fracas in New York the other night, no doubt thinks it useless for any one to wish him a happy new’ear.— Boston Courier. Emerson was immensely practical. His imitators should remember that he never thought so much of the OverSoul as to forget the overshoe.—Boston Jttecord. Italy wants to borrow 3,500,000 lires. As this is a very busy season with newspaper correspondents we aro afraid this country can’t oblige her.— Burlington Free Press. “A princess of, the realm is employed as a waiter in a Milan hotel.” That’s nothing. We know of a mlk dairy where the waiters all are empresses—at least they think they are.— Puck.

Johnny—l will tell you a secret if you won’t tell. Sister Emily is engaged to Mr. White. I heard mamma and sis talking about it. The secret is that he doesn’t know it himself yet.— Life. “Do the clothes make the man ?” an exchange anxiously asks. It is a somewhat hard question to answer, but we should say in the case of a tailor, for instance, that it is the man who makes the clothes. —Boston Courier. Doctor—What ails you, sir? Patient—l don’t know, boctor. I have such a buzzing sound in my ears all the time. Would you like to look at my tongue? Doctor—No, never mind. Bring your wife around some day. I’d like to look at hers. Smith —What’s the matter with you, J ones ? You have had a troubled look recently. Nothing the matter with your mental balance, I hope? Jones— No, there’s nothing the matter with my mental balance. It’s another balance that is troubling me now.

SIXES AND SEVENS. I know that her size is “sixos”— I’d purchased her gloves before. The spending your money fixes A fact of this kind the more. She knows my size is “seven”— So both of us live our days In a blooming, glovable heaven Of sixes and sevens—grays. Hands may be won by gloving— Buttons may close our lives— Gloves without “G” mean loving— Pairs are husbands and wives. Gloves round the waist are folding - Gloves hold the reins of life— Sixes and sevens are holding Sway over man and wife. — C. H. Waring.

“A country parson,” in encountering a storm the past season in the voyage across the Atlantic, was reminded, oi the following: A clergyman was so unfortunate as to he caught in a severe gale in the voyage out. The water was exceedingly rough, and the ship persistently buried her nose in the sea. The rolling was constant, and at last the good man got thoroughly frightened. He believed they were destined for a watery grave. He asked the captain if he could not have prayers. The captain took him by the arm and led him down to the forecastle, where the tars were singing and swearing. •“There,” said he, “when you hear them swearing you may know there is no danger.” He want back feeling better; but the storm increased his alarm. Disconsolate and unassisted, he managed to stagger to the forecastle again. The ancient mariners were swearing as eves. “Mary,” he said to his sympathetic wife, as he crawled into his berth after tacking across a wet deck, “Alary, thank God, they’re swearing yet.”— Harper’s Magazine.

Talk About Kicking.

“Well,” inquired a base-ball manager of an umpire, “have you reconsidered your determination to leave the game to its fate next season?” “I have,” was the reply. “What induced the reconsideration—the croAvded condition of other occupations ?” “Oh, no. You remember I you I’d stick to the ‘perfesk’ if I found any cither game in which there was as much kicking as in base-ball?” “Yes.” “Well, I’ve found it. I saw a game of foot ball the other day, and that’s all kicking.” —Pittsburgh Dispatch. Never a truer saying than this: “Man maybe the head ot' the family; but, better than that, woman is the heart of it. ” \