Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 January 1887 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Men of mor-bid tastes— Auctioneers. Things to be pushed—rows. An old soar—The firSETialloon ascension. When a joke is carried too far it becomes a serious matter. The eagle is a tough bird, but when it is put on the back of a dollar it is a legal tender. “Some men have so much genius that they can’t do anything but sit down in the shade and think about it,” says a philosopher. On a first glimpse of the sea: “Astonishing! Who would ha' e thought there could be as much water as that ?” “True; and remember you ouly see what’s on top.”—Till Bit<. If the young lady who leads the Sun-day-school in inquiring ‘ What shall the harvest be?” had been raised on a farm, she would have known without being told, that it all depended on whether the farmer planted buckwheat or oats. “How shall I head this article about the Brown divorce case?” inquired the Bmart reporter of the city editor. “Put a double head on it, and make it something sensational.” “I see you believe in the old taying.” “What’s that?” “Why that, two heads are better than one. ” A lazy man when offered a Waterbury watch as a premium with a suit of clothes which he had purchased declined it with the remark that he had enough of hard work to do already without winding a Waterbury watch every twenty-four hours. Boston Courier. "Father, why does the paper speak of Mias Cleveland’s books as ’works?’” asked little Jolmny JVloSwilligan. “You have never read one, I suppose, J ohnny,” replied his pa. “No, air.” “Well, if you ever should you will find out how hard work it is, and then you will never ask that question again.”— TidBits. “I hf.e you’ve failed in business, Stabbs?” “Yes.” “You don’t seom to worry much O'er it?” “I don’t. I’m like an egg, I’ve been injiot water so much I’ve got hardened. Beside, I was bound to get stuck in the business I started.” “How was that?” “I was running a gluo fa tory.” Chicago Ledger. “Mary, I wish you would be a hotter little girl,” said a father we wot of to his little girl. “You have no idea how sorry I am that mamma has to Bcold you so much.” “Oh, ddn’t worry about it, papa,” was the reply; “I’m not ono of those sensitive chil iren. Half tho time I don’t hear what she says.”— Wilmington Home Weekly. “Yes, Bobby,” said tue minister,who was dining with the famiiy, “everything in this world lias its i se, although we may not know what it is. Now, there is the fly, for instance. You wouldn't think that Hies were good for anything, yet ” “Oh, yes, I would*” interrupted Bobby, “I know what Hies are good for.” “What, Bobby?” “Pa says they’re the only thing what keeps li,m awake when you are preaching.”— Life. IN THE PARK. Cycling in the pa“k, th<\v say, Eyes of blue met eyes of gray, Whirling, wheeling, Lightly stealing Glances soft as break of (lay. Cycling in the park, ’tis told, Eyos of gray grew sweet and bold. Coming, bonding, Gently sending Pleading wishes manifold. Cycling in the pari;, ’tis truo, Eyes of gray saw eyos of blue Upward gazing, In amazing, With the love lignt shining through. — Outing. “Ma’am,” said the domestic, “I have come to give you notice that I leave a week from to-day.” Mistress--“ But why do you leave, Mary? You have never made any complaint.” Lomest e —“No. ma’am; but I must have a new subject for conversat on, or I shall lose caste with my set. 1 have discussed vour eccentric ties so long that all my fr.ends know them by heart. I hate to leave you, for you have always beeu a kind aud indulgent mistress; »but you see how it is, my standing iu society is at stake. One week lrom to-day, ma’am.”— Boston 'Jranscrij t.