Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 December 1886 — To a Man Who Would Marry. [ARTICLE]

To a Man Who Would Marry.

Select the girl. Agree with the girl’s father in politic and the mother in religion. If you have a rival keep an eye on him; if he is a widower keep two eyes on him. Don’t swear to the girl that you have no bad habits. It will be enough for you to say that you never heard yourself snore in your sleep. Don’t put much sweet stuff on paper. If you do you will hear it read in after years, when your wife has some especial purpose in inflicting upon you the severest punishment known to a married man. Go home at a reasonable hour in the evening. Don’t wait until the girl has to throw her whole soul into a yawn that she can’t cover with both hands. A little thing like that might cause a coolness at the very beginning of the game. If, on the occasion of your first call, the girl upon whom you have placed your young affections looks like an iceberg and acts Ike a cold wave, take your leave early and stay away. Woman in her hours of freeze is uncertain, coy, and hard to please. In cold weather finish saying goodnight in the house. Don’t stretch it alt the way to the gate and thus lay the foundation for fut re asthma, bronchitis, neuralgia, and chronic catarrh, to help you worry the girl to death after she has married you. Don’t lie about your financial condition. It is very annoying to a bride who has pictured for herself a life full of luxury in her ancestral halls to learn too late that you expect her to ask a bald-headed parent who has been uniformly kind to her to take you in out of the cold. If you sit down on some molasses candy that little Will e has left on the chair, while wearing your new summer trousers for the first time, smile sweetly and remark that you don’t mind sitting on molasses candy at all, and that “boys wll be boys." Reserve your true feelings for future reference. Don’t be too soft. Don’t say: “These little hands shall never do a stroke of work when they are mine,” and “You shall have nothing to do in our home but to sit all day long and chirp to the canaries,” as if any sensible woman could be happy fooling away time in that sort of style, and a girl has a fine, retentive memory for the soft things and silly promises of courtship, and occasionally, in after years, when she : s washing the dinner dishes or patching the west end of your trousers, she will remind you of them in a cold, sarcastic tone of vo ce. —New Yen k Mail aucl Expi ess. The Dryphore, a Noah’s ark kind of a looking vessel now moored off the Cours la Reine, Paris, lias for show a giant oak, weighing about fifty-five tons. This mammoth of a prehistoric forest was dug up from the bed of the Rhine, where it is supposed to have lain over 3,000 years.