Democratic Sentinel, Volume 10, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 December 1886 — Short Sermons. [ARTICLE]

Short Sermons.

I long ago dun made up my mind dat aiverage humanity expects too much on dis airth, an’ dat we am all too selfish to really enjoy ourselves. If we plan ur a huckleberry excurshun we look fur dry weather, no matter how much our navbur’s co’n an’ taters want rain. If dar am any danger of spring frosts we expeok dey will fly ober onr garden an’ light down on somebody else’s truckpatch. We expeck cyclones now an' den in do nateral order of tings, but we doan’ expeck ’em to bit our eand of de county. We am sorry fur sicb people as was in de way, but dey orter bin som’ers else, you know. If we take in a tramp over night we expect him to be honest an’ grateful. If anybody else takes n one an’ gits beat, our vardict am dat it sarved ’em right. We expect to git de big eand of de trade when we swap bosses wid a man, but if we dislaver dat we liev been ■ cheated we want de law to punish him for a swindler. Moas’ of us am willin’ to take our chances on matrimony, if de gal am good-lookin’ or de young man has cash, but when de rollin’-pins begin to fly we blame our friends dat dey didn’t warn us If we lose our pocket-book we argy dat de pusson who find it am as bad as athefif he doan’ return it. If we find some one else’s pocket-book we—well, it comes like pullin’ teeth to let go. We respeck our nay bur, but. we want our beets an’ cabbage an’ onions to keep about a week ahead of his. We doan’ know of any pertickler reason why liglitnin’ should strike our ba’n, but we kin furnish half a do en reasons why it should burn ba’ns all around us. We begin in October to predict a mild winter, an’ if we happen to git one we kick like a steer de nex’ summer bekase we liev to pay mo’ fur ice. I tell ve, my frens, when I come to realize jist what a queer piece of clay we am, an’ liow much workin’ ob'er we need to come out perfeck, I can’t wonder ober de shoutin’ and hurrahin’ in Heaben Avhen one of us grown folks finds his way in.— Detroit Free Press. Ax exchange tells of a woman so cross-eyed that tears from her left eya fall ou her right cheek.